Too young to have my baby?

JaneRN

I had my son when I was 16 and very much alone - the father left me before I knew I was pregnant then denied he was his. I had to endure the "disgrace" of the pregnancy as I had brought "shame on the family". That was over 28 years ago when it wasn't as acceptable to have a child outside of marriage. It's not easy and I won't pretend it is but for me it was easier than the alternative.
I have a very good job as an Advanced Nurse Practitioner, own my own house car etc, go on holidays abroad if I want to - so life doesn't end when you have a baby.
The fact that you have the support of your family is a real bonus believe me and I would hope your boyfriend would be there to support you too, but this is by no means guaranteed.
I ask you to consider all options carefully, I know too many girls that had a termination, only to feel such guilt they soon got pregnant again in the mistaken idea that it would somehow bring their baby back. Termination is not an easy option for most, despite what some may say, so don't rush into anything.
Hope this helps shed some truth on how my very traumatic experience has turned out really well. I'm not the maternal type to be trufull and if I hadn't have had my son I wouldn't have chosen to have any - he's an only child. We get on well, we have our ups and downs and have got through some tough times but I have no regrets at all.
Wishing you well.
Jane

samandona

Cait2 wrote: »

But I still need to give him a say, right?

That totally depends on your situation Cait. Whilst I dont advocate forcing someone (John) to become a Dad against his wishes (particularly as he is still a child himself), it is more likely you who will have to deal with the long term implications of your decision.

But then there's also the age old saying "He should have thought about whether or not he wanted children before he had sex."

There are lots of practical suggestions put forward as to how you could try and better yourself if you do decide to continue with the pregnancy, but it really isnt a decision that should be taken lightly.

Looking back, I don't think I fully considered all the implications when my boyfriend and I decided what to do about our unplanned pregnancy. Although my BF is nearly 25 and in a much better position (financially and emotionally) than John and I have the benefit of having completed all my studies.

Whether or not your BF wants to be involved now, you need to be prepared to do all of this on your own as that many very well be a position you find yourself in whether now or in 5 years.

Again, best of luck.

I also have input re: terminations. A previous housemate of mine decided to have a termination last year and she has absolutely no regrets about it. She knows it was the best deicison for her at the time and that she was not the position to look after a child. Her and her BF (not fiance) are still very much together, but at that time a baby was not thr right move for them. She is not someoneyou might consider to be particularly 'strong' emotionally, just sensible and thought with her head rather than her heart. Other people have said that lots of people regret terminations; Im sure they do but lots dont too.

plymouthscubagirl

Hi there
I agree with grateful for help and pigpen on this - of course it will ultimately be your decision in the end though.

My younger sister (5yrs younger) got pregnant at 15 and had her daughter at 16 (who is just fab-she's now 13). I however am 35 and 22wks pregnant with my first and still don't feel responsible enough even now. But I have done most things I have wanted to do in life so I know I will have no regrets either. My sister has never regretted her decision - I had to tell my parents at the time for her as she was too scared and they both said to get rid of it, but she stood her ground and everyone quite rightly had to come around to that and support her as best as they could. She still mananged to go to college with a little one, and get her chosen qualification at the time so it can be done. The question is, is it right for you?? At the end of the day I'm sure if you chose to keep it you would cope just fine and I'm sure you would have it no other way, but if you feel that you have lots in life you want to do, and the timing is not right, then this is also fine as its YOUR decision. We do sometimes laugh about the way we have done things, as I always thought if she'd stuck to the one child she would have 'got' her life back at 30 almost but she's had 2 more since and absolutely loves it. She does say that having her eldest at such a young age kept her on the straight and narrow and forced her to grow up a lot quicker than her friends (and me :rotfl:).
She split from the father shortly after the birth by the way, but met a lovely man when her eldest was 6mths old and they are now married and have had another 2 children together so things usually have a way of working out whatever you decide.
Think like most have said it has to ultimately be what you want - get some non-biased advice.
Hope it all works out whatever you decide - you sound like a switched on cookie anyway x

Charlie23

Hi Cait not read all the thread but just wanted to tell you my friends story.
J and A got together when they were 14. Had a baby just after they were 17. They are now 27, married, 4 children (one sadly an angel) both work hard and love each other very much. In all fairness they seem to be the 'fairytale' couple and are very lucky but they haven't had it all easy.
I'm 27 and have 2 toddlers and sometimes i feel too young for all the responsibility. But yes it is amazing being a mother.
I wish you lots of luck with your decision. Please do what's right for YOU not John or anyone else. good luck xx

ems2

Cait2 wrote: »

But I still need to give him a say, right?

No.
Ultimately your body, your choice.

Good Luck whatever you choose

Morganarla

Cait2 wrote: »

Wow - thank you all so much for the amazing support and advice:)You got me in tears hehe:D I won't base my decision on the opinions here, don't worry, but I do like to read others experiences and how its worked out etc.

I suppose you are right about John.... he's not blackmailing me, he hasn't said he'll leave me if I don't keep the Baby, but it's a worry I have... but maybe it is likely that we aren't really going to be together, 15 and 16... you can't really tell can you?:o

I have not got much to say - just so much to think about... would the money be a big problem do you think?



I'd like to be a vet nurse which you can start training for at 17 if I'm right/work experience but at the moment I'm happy with a part time job over the summer.

Cait, if you want to be a succesful vet nurse, one who is valued in her position, paid a decent wage, and has the option to choose her hours and place of work without much sacrifice, then please carry on your education, regardless of what you do about this pregnancy.

Work experience is invaluable when trying to get into the vet world, but qualifications count for just as much.

I've been doing the practical side of vet nursing since I was 7 years old (worked alongside vet nurse Mum in tiny rural practice while being homeschooled), and know the job inside out and backwards, can place IV catheters, do dental extractions, castrate cats, suture wounds (and everything else that unqualified nurse are strictly not allowed to do ), but because my life took a different turn at 17, I chose not to go to university and get my predicted BscHons in Veterinary nursing, carried on working unqualified, and so now I get paid a pittance, am overworked and undervalued working within a practice that has no time for unqualified nurses, like many others.

I don't have time or the money now to be able to do any kind of nursing qualification, and believe me I have tried, every avenue that there is. It's too late for me now, and I'm only 23. Grown up life has taken over!

I chose not to go to uni because I too was expecting a baby. I put everything aside to prepare to beome a mother, but my little baby did not live. And I'm still struggling financially to this day for making that decision.

I know our situations are not the same, and that you already have an awful lot to think about, but please try to reconsider your education as a factor as well. Please don't give it all up. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life.

If you'd like to ask anything, pregnancy or vet nurse related, then please feel free to PM xx

lauren_1

Hi cait,
Firstly you are not too young to have a baby but are you mature enough? age and maturity bear no relation to each other.

I had my first not much older than you and thanks to my mum I still managed to gain some decent A-levels and my nursing diploma but i was by far too immature, I didnt connect with my baby for a good year and would happily let my mum take over, purely due to the fact she knew what she was doing.

Babies are cute but at 1, 3 and 5am they are far from it.

meritaten

Ive only read your original post and the one thing that struck me was....your boyfriend really seems to want the baby. But, you on the other hand dont seem to want it as much. Would you be willing to go through with the pregnancy then give the baby to your boyf to bring up? would HE be willing to do that? I think an abortion would probably mean the end of your relationship with this boy if he is keen to have the child. its a sorry situation hun, but if boyf wants the baby and is willing to bring it up - thats the route I would take.

Person_one

ems2 wrote: »

No.
Ultimately your body, your choice.

Good Luck whatever you choose

Agreed. Its one of the unfortunate but unavoidable inequalities in nature, his choice was at conception. Its entirely up to you now.

Cait2

Massive thank you to everybody, I've read all of the posts and want to thank the 3 wonderful ladies that sent me PMs They were all very kind and helpful.

I spoke to John and I have decided to keep the baby regardless of what he wants. Today he said when I said I wanted to keep it "well you know it's a big thing to commit to...." and it is , but I can tell he really doesn't want it as much as I maybe thought.... I don't know.... I don't think he has really thought it through a great deal. My parents are both very much behind me in this. My dad is a worryguts and is scared for me, not the fact I've decided to have the baby, the actual pregnancy etc... my mum is very supportive, she had me at 20 which is only a few years older than me... "freedom" being ruined by a child isn't a big deal to me.... not at all I am going to try and keep working as hard as I can, over the summer I will definitely be working.

I will keep you all posted - THANK YOU!!