Too young to have my baby?

thorsoak

Well Cait - you are in a pretty pickle!

You do sound a mature young lady - and I don't mean to sound patronising when I say this.

You aren't the first 16 year old to find herself in this position - but today you have far more options available to you than were available to my school friend in 1960, just as she had finished her O levels. Then she was offered the option of marrying the father or giving her baby up for adoption. And her b/f had just been accepted for Oxford, so he wasn't earning anything. They did marry - he still went to Oxford and my school friend stayed with her family - who kept her - and her OH came back every couple of weeks.

After their daughter was born, they did rent a really grotty flat in Oxford and M had another little girl. But by the time that both children were at school, her OH had got his degree and a job, and they bought a house. M went on to college herself then, she became a teacher.

They're going to celebrate their golden wedding in September - they've both retired now - after M had a successful teaching career (finishing up as headteacher of a primary school) .

It's not all been plain sailing - but they've stuck together - so for all the doom-sayers there are some good stories out there.

This wouldn't have happened if both M and C hadn't had support from both their families - financial at the start as well as moral - and hard work all round - can you expect support from both your families? You will need it. Financially, I believe you will be more independent than M & C - can you budget?

Of course, you could bring your baby up on your own - every soap has at least one unmarried young mother - but you will find it even harder on your own.

Or you have the option as to whether you are actually ready to have a baby? And it is your decision - you cannot allow anyone to blackmail or bully you - whether it is the father of your baby, your parents, his parents, social workers or doctors - only you decide.

I do wish you well, in whatever you choose to do - and offer my best wishes and prayers that things work out well for you. Good luck.

coco1980

didnt want to read and run, I ound out I was pregnant at 17 and after much thought I decided to keep it, sadly i had mc but went on to have my ds a year later, only you and John can decide, oh and to everyone who says he will leave, my brother and his fiance have been together since she was 15 and he 16, they have just celebrated 10 years together and have 2 gorgeous sons, so it does work out sometimes.

Wish you all the best

Cait2

Wow - thank you all so much for the amazing support and advice:)You got me in tears hehe:D I won't base my decision on the opinions here, don't worry, but I do like to read others experiences and how its worked out etc.

I suppose you are right about John.... he's not blackmailing me, he hasn't said he'll leave me if I don't keep the Baby, but it's a worry I have... but maybe it is likely that we aren't really going to be together, 15 and 16... you can't really tell can you?:o

I have not got much to say - just so much to think about... would the money be a big problem do you think?

Make-it-3 wrote: »

What do you plan to do with your life after school?

I'd like to be a vet nurse which you can start training for at 17 if I'm right/work experience but at the moment I'm happy with a part time job over the summer.

Cait2

sleepytiger wrote: »

Hey Cait2. I've been reading your posts and something seems to be missings. You've told us what John wants and what your parents think and what his parents think. What about what you think? What do you want to do? Ultimately, (and without disrespect to the men), it's going to come down to what's right for you and everything else will work out somehow. Neither option is easy but it seems you have good support from your parents.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just make sure you make the decision for you, not for everyone else.

By the way, why would you need to get rid of your dog?

I don't think I would, I'd hate to get rid of him, my parents would take him. It's because I put my money into clothes for me, anything extra I need - and my dog. I wouldn't have that extra money for a pet I don't think... he has to visit the vet each month... but he is generally a family pet so I'm hoping that wouldn't actually be a problem

No idea what i want to do. I feel torn.

DVardysShadow

Well, I have read all the replies and as a bloke, I don't have anything direct to say about the actual choice you have to make. But I would say that you need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

You do seem to have 3 choices:

• Abortion
• Adoption
• Acceptance [ie keep the child]

Abortion ceases to be an option in a very few weeks - which does put a bit of pressure on - but if you find that adoption really is an option, you would still have choices right up to the birth.

westiea

Ah sweetheart what a dilemma.
Firstly as others have said, yes, it is your decision alone. It is not what John, family etc wants - you will be the one who has to face the aftermath of the decision. Marie Stopes are wonderful and would give you non biased advice.

I would like to offer some questions though to give you something to consider.

1.What do you see yourself doing in 5 years time, when your 21?
2.What does John see himself and you doing in 5 years time?
3. Is marriage on the horizon? A co-habiting couple have limited legal rights, do you need a legal commitment from John to make sure he things through futher than 'i want the baby' ?
3.A dog is a huge commitment for 14 years- now times that by your whole life, 80% of all your finances, 100% of your emotions and at least for the first 16 years 100% of your time and I am not talking spare time!
4.Would you consider keeping it if John was not around and did not see the child or contribute emotionaly or financialy to you both?
5.Can you get any family assistance to help you with the child. Pregnancy is only 9 months then the child will need almost constant attention - whether asleep or not! Say if you wanted to go out with your g/f or to a party? I know grandparents think a new grandchild is great but the reality is they do not want them as often as you may think!
6.Young mums make fantastic parents as do any mum who wants a baby, would you feel resentful to this baby when your whole life changes (and it will) through sleepless nights, illness, teenage strops and all?

You are a mature and extraordinary sensible person, I wish you all the love in the world wharever you decide - there but for the grace etc go all us women. xxxxxxxxxxx

Cait2

Thank you westiea... so much to consider but as abortion....well that's not an option for very long as said so not much time...

fireflycatcher

I got pregnant under 16 years old (and no i didn't plan the pregnancy).
I didn't get an abortion and didn't adopt the baby out... I kept the baby, and now that baby is 7 years old. It was hard, emotional, and not nice, but it was worth it. For me it was worth it, that dosn't mean for you it's the right thing to do. Do you feel ready to go through that all? Do you honestly think John wants the baby for the right, mature, reasons and not just "ooh it's a baby". I don't think he understands what work is involved in that.
Only you know what to do, sent you a PM xx

Person_one

Cait2 wrote: »

Thank you westiea... so much to consider but as abortion....well that's not an option for very long as said so not much time...

How many weeks pregnant are you?

fireflycatcher

Person_one wrote: »

How many weeks pregnant are you?

"On May 29th" she found out???