Too young to have my baby?

samandona

Cait - you will get some people saying "babies are as cheap as you make them" and other's saying "yes, its painfully expensive". I would lean towards the latter of these two extremes. You will have to financially support this person for the next 18 years atleast, and as someone else has said, thats longer than you've been on the planet.

One thing you may not have considered is having a disabled child. Im sure there are lots and lots of parents who didnt expect their children to have severe disabilities, but it happened and everything they had planned for had to change. How would you cope if you decide to have your baby and when it is born you find out is is disabled and will be totally dependent on your for the rest of its life? You may never be able to work, and will have very little time for socialising or doing hobbies.
Yes, there is help available for people with children but is doesn't cover every expense. Im not sure how clued up you are on politics, but it is likely that alot of the benefit system will be changing.

Something else - you say you are currently happy doing a part-time job over the summer. Can I ask what this job is? You may find it really difficult getting anyone to employ you, even as early as this summer, if they know you are pregnant. I really struggled to find work and have had to leave 2 part time jobs I took on because I couldn't physically do them. You might really struggle with the pregnancy and become very ill meaning you can't work at all. That is a problem I faced. I really underestimated how physically and mentally difficult it would be and I am a young, fit healthy adult.

In terms of young couples staying together, you can only really go off averages. I don't know anyone who has stayed with the partner their were with at 15/16, certainly not in todays society. It is very easy for your boyfriend to say this and that about the pregnancy and the baby but at the end of the day it is YOU that have to carry the child, give up your life and give birth to the child. It is easier for John to walk away than it is you.

You are so right about needing to think about everything and decide what is best for you. Try not to get too caught up in the novelty of it all. Being pregnant is great and bloody awful at the same time -I didnt realise how bad it was until about 15 weeks. It is scary, terrifying, sickening, frustrating, emotionally draining and physically demanding.

samandona

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Well, I have read all the replies and as a bloke, I don't have anything direct to say about the actual choice you have to make. But I would say that you need to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

You do seem to have 3 choices:

• Abortion
• Adoption
• Acceptance [ie keep the child]

Abortion ceases to be an option in a very few weeks - which does put a bit of pressure on - but if you find that adoption really is an option, you would still have choices right up to the birth.

The OP hasnt stated how pregnant she is, only that she found out at the end of May. That put probably put her about 8 weeks. She can legally abort until 24 weeks.

fireflycatcher

The sooner, the easier, though.

spurs24

Hi there

I was 16 when i had my daughter.

I am now 33, and she is 17, and me and her dad are still together, we were in the same class at school, and when i found out i got pregnant, yes it was a shock, but i just knew i wanted to keep the baby.

My husband (boyfriend at the time) said he would stick by me, but i would have gone it alone if he didnt. I had no family support at all, only his mum, but we was fine.

Yes we had hard times (who doesnt) but now we have been together 20 years, im only 33 and my wonderful daughter is 17, we also have a son who is 9.

We had the looks when i was pregnant, people saying it wont last, blah blah, but looks at us know, alot of marriages of people that got together when they were older dont last, but we have, and i know we always will. He is my life and our daughter was the best thing ever.
Really nice now that we go out together and have lots on common, we had our son 9 years ago now and they get on fine even with the age gap.

Only you can make the decission, i just wanted you to know that it can work out, like it has for me, but we are very strong as a couple.

People will always make comments, still do now, like oh you dont look old enough to have a 17 year old and things like that, but we dont care, while some of our friends are knee deep in nappies we have been there and done that and enjoying our life.

My daughter is 17 now, and she was nearly 1 when i was her age, and if you she come to me and said she was pregnant i would surport her in every way, it doesnt always work out like it did for me, just wanted you to know that it can.

take care and im sure you will make the right choice for you.

Sorry for all the typos, trying to get out the door, (to go and get 17 year old from work lol)

x

pigpen

I too had my children when I first left school. My sons gf got pregnant with her little boy at 15 so we have a fair bit of experience between us. I am currently expecting number 9.

For me.. it was possibly one of the best decisions I made.. it gave me a reason to get out of bed in a morning, a reason to work harder to provide a home and decent standard of living.

My sons gf is at college, she is 17 now and Jacob is 17 months old.

For the interim you MAY be on benefits or not.. it doesn't matter so long as in your head you know it is not where you will be in 10 years time...

My husband left last year after 20 years together.. so noone can say you won't be with John this time next year.. that is the way of the world.. if you were 36 noone could guarantee it either.

This is possibly the biggest decision you have ever had to make in your life.. whichever way you choose you will ALWAYS think 'what if'.. what if i had stayed at college, had loads of drunken nights out, had several short term relationships... or what if I hadn't had the termination, what would the baby be like now blah blah... it is a terrible statistic that many young women having a termination are deliberately pregnant again within a very short period.. to either mask the guilt or grief or sadness.. you can never replace what has gone.

Ignore anyone who says they WILL help you with the baby.. they won't. Ignore anyone who tries you to force a decision.. this is your body and only you have the right to decide what is right for you.

I know you are thinking long and hard about this, have you spoken to anyone independant? outside of the emotional field, someone who has nothing to lose or to gain?

I know many people who have had huge career changes after their children were born, or trained for a proper career, or just had direction in their life.. because a baby doesn't change just your way of life it changes the way you think, the way you see the world, your priorities.. everything.

My first reaction when i found out I was pregnant with my oldest was 'oh $h!t, my mother is going to kill me!!'... I am still alive, she thinks the world of my son (also after DEMANDING I have a termination!!) but then I was just as concerned telling her about this one 19 years later!!

Look at your long term options.. you want to be a vet nurse.. how many hours training is that/ Is childcare possible (many nurseries will offer free places to young parents trying to make a headway in life.. ask at a childrens centre what they offer and the local college) could you afford that time next year or would you have to wait until a baby is 3 or 4?

The decision you make right now will influence the next few years of your life and you have to know it is the right one for you.

Good luck...

And congratulations.. whatever you decide..

tabskitten

At 28 i am still too young to have a baby!!

yummymummy1987_2

There are pros and cons at any age regarding having a baby. However im 22 with a 5yr old and 19 month old. Been with my dp 7 yrs. He works very hard as a manager for tesco's,we have a lovely home, car etc.
I truly couldnt be happier, im not saying its been easy all the way mainly with money but if you love each other and he is working i think that is a fantastic start
Good luck!!!

gratefulforhelp_2

Cait hugs honey. One of my students was just in the same circs as you and pretty much pushed into an abortion.

As well as considering what you will do to your life if you have the baby, please also consider what you will do to your life if you don't.

An awful lot of people feel terrible about abortion not when they have done it, but later, when they have a planned child.

Good luck.

Cait2

Thank you for the continued support. John is coming over tonight and we're going to talk more about it, but after reading posts and thinking about it I think it will be just me and my baby if I have the baby... Amanda Ayrshire I think it's just that... he doesn't realise what is involved. But I still need to give him a say, right?

ali-t

Cait2 wrote: »

I'm not going back to school after these holidays wasn't going to even if not pregnant .

Could you go back to school to get more qualifications which would help you with the vet nurse plans. Your local Ed Dept may have a young mums unit where you can get some/more highers which will stand you in good stead for when you decide to go back to a career.

I won't give you any advice about whether to continue with the pregnancy as that is solely your decision but there are things you can do to safeguard your future regardless of what decision you make.

Best wishes and remember to make the right decision for YOU.