Too young to have my baby?

brians_daughter

Cait2 - every situ is different. If you want happy ever afters i know of several (but the sob stories fr outweigh them) My cousin got pregnant at 15, we all told her she was too young, it'd never last, she'd end up a single mum...anyway fast forward 18 years and 4 more kids later they are living a lifestyle most of us can only dream of, are more in love than anyone i know and their kids are their world.

I think you want the baby but are taking on board others comments. You need to be aware that you and John(statistically) wont be together forever but if you want your baby and have a loving and supportive network then you have your baby. Its hard work, but at the right time in your life a child is the most wonderful gift you could ever have

You need to speak to someone and soon, then you can assess your options

Make-it-3

Sadly, very few relationships survive long term at 16, with or without a baby. By all means take on board the opinions of family as you will need their support if you decide to keep the baby, and also speak to somone at Marie Stopes as they will give a completely unbiased view, but ultimately you will be the mother and that's where the buck stops. It must be YOUR decision.

What do you plan to do with your life after school?

brians_daughter

Odette wrote: »

Do you really want to give up any dreams you might have had for a career or travel or whatever at this point, for a screaming baby?

I'm 24 and I wouldn't in a million years.

who said she must do this? i had my 1st child young (not 16 tho) and have gone on to have a successful career, travelled, studying for a degree and all the rest of it. Infact, the fact i had a little person depending upon me made me more determined to make it.

neneromanova

You have to sit down and think what you would have done if you had not been pregnant. What job were you aiming to get? Did you want to go travelling? If you have answers to them and think you can put them off, I would think again. I wanted to go travelling. Japan, Thailand, America, Australia, China. But I had a child instead. At the time I thought I knew what was best. Mum said the best thing to do was have an abortion and wait til I find someone else. I was stubborn, knew I knew better so had the child. It hit me last week that even though my plans to travel were put back to 40, what I didn't think about was how was I going to afford to go travelling with no career. Also, at 40, I'd still be working so there would be no way that work would give me a month or more holiday.

Would I change my DD? Definately not now I've had her. We've had our ups and downs as she's in the "terrible 2's" stage but when she's not screaming, crying, "what's that nooooooooise?" over and over again I love her to bits.

It is very much a tough one.

And Like ClareEmily said, here are some of pregnancy's best kept secrets:

Labour hurts.....A lot
You can get piles afterwards
You body never goes back to the way it was
You boobs WILL sag. Even if you do everything to strap them up they WILL sag.
Sickness for 14 weeks
Heartburn
Constipation
Tiredness
Lack of money worries
Feelings of being alone
Depression
No Social Life as your friends will all be able to go out at the drop of a hat whereas you will have to arrange a babysitter (plus pay them) make sure you're not too tired to look after the child the next day. You might also find your "friends" move on and drop you altogether like mine have as we have differnet outlooks in life now....

My DD's biological father left when I was 17 weeks pregnant after he said he'd be there for me. You have to think of it like this. Ok your OH says he'll stay with you, but what if he doesn't? You will be left alone and with a child whereas he gets off scot free. Or he could be a really good dad and you both stay together for the rest of your lives....

sleepytiger

Hey Cait2. I've been reading your posts and something seems to be missings. You've told us what John wants and what your parents think and what his parents think. What about what you think? What do you want to do? Ultimately, (and without disrespect to the men), it's going to come down to what's right for you and everything else will work out somehow. Neither option is easy but it seems you have good support from your parents.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Just make sure you make the decision for you, not for everyone else.

By the way, why would you need to get rid of your dog?

freebiequennie

As others have said only you can make this decision about whats right for you and your boyfriend.

Where will you live? can you live with your parents or his parents together with baby? will you privately rent - can you afford to? Dont assume council will house you I know of many young mums who assume this and actually often for several months have had to live in a bed and breakfast (made to be out of the b and b during the day) before even getting a studio flat (lounge/kitchenette/bedroom in one) or a one bed flat.

If you did want to go back into education there is a scheme called care to learn where anyone 19yrs and under when starting the course can get funding for approved childcare ie - nursery or childminder and this can include not just hrs at college but hrs used for private study time also.

Money wise how will you manage obv people do manage in the extremeist of circumstances and you will prob be entitled to certain benefits but do you want to be scrimping and just getting by?

Maybe speak to your doctor and also ask to speak to the teenage pregnancy midwife your area will have one and will also have a pregnant young mums group so those in the know will be able to help you make an informed decision about your future.

MaryMurphy

Hi Cait2,

A very good friend of mine had her child at 17. Now he's five and he's the most gorgeous little thing you've ever seen, but it hasn't been easy.

The boyfriend left her shortly after the birth, they had a very rocky relationship and with her hormones going crazy she had post-natal depression for a very long time.

I am not saying this will happen to you, but it's a life-changing decision which will stay with you forever. She's missed out in a lot of activities her friends got involved in, unable to go campling or go on nights out because of her child. She loves him dearly but has missed out on so much, and whilst she'll never resent him (it's not the child's fault) she does wish it didn't happen the way it did.

So think long and hard about this. Ultimately it's what you want to do, as the decision will stay with you forever.

Personally, I'd advise against it.

MM x

ailuro2

I agree, go and get some professional help from people who whork with girls in your situation day in and day out, and will be able to answer all the questions you have, and some you hadn't thought of yet. It is your body and your decision, and only you can ultimately make the decision whether or not to go ahead now or postpone having a family till later on.

415SanFran

I would never ever judge you or any other young parent.
But is this really what you want to do for the rest of your teenage years, and as the child is in school, all you will be able to work at is dead end jobs because you never had the time/inclination to get a further education.

You know a friend of mine's daughter was in exactly the same boat as you, she told the father that as soon as the child was out of hospital it was all down to him and she would give him X amount every week and take it out at the weekends,,,,funnily enough he changed him mind very quickly!

Judith_W

I've not read the previous posts thoroughly but would adoption be an option if your partner has a real problem with 'killing the baby'? I don't know much about how it would work but these days i think you can have some limited contact with the adoptive family...

Just a thought...