Too young to have my baby?

pushedtothelimit

Odette wrote: »

Do you really want to give up any dreams you might have had for a career or travel or whatever at this point, for a screaming baby?

I'm 24 and I wouldn't in a million years.

Sorry to crash the thread... but I just wanted to say that you can never say never. I thought the same. I was only 25 a few weeks ago, but at 24 we found out that my fianc! has cancer. Sometimes life throws challenges your way that change never 'in a million years' to 'as soon as possible, please'.

Buttonmoons

I was 17 when I fell pregnant with my DD, I originally went to the doctor about an abortion as I didn't even contemplate keeping it. I wasn't ready! I didn't want a baby. BUT, after the appointment I couldn't stop thinking about it, my dad assured me they'd help out (ok they didn't but at the time....) DD's dad was supportive. I chose to keep the baby and I'm very happy I did that and couldnt imagine my life without her, she's amazing. Me and her dad still live together (though aren't together) and bring her up, she's 4 now The living situation will change.

As for career etc, you can hold off a while, when my little one starts school, I'll be back to college/uni.

It IS hard with a newborn, I had complications after the birth and couldn't cope for the first few months, thankfully DD's dad did most of that at the time.

Really it's your decision to make, don't make one based on other peoples opinions and choices, at the end of the day, it's you who will be taking on a huge responsibility.

RAS

Cait2

Hard as it is, John will go, sooner or later.

The chances of you being together in a year are very small, whether you keep the child or not. Forget the dreams of apple pie, motherhood and John coming home joyfully to give you his whole wage, never going out to get blathered with his mates and never saying you trapped him..

In the end all the evidence is that women who do not want a child and have an abortion are happy, as are women who want the baby and keep it. Women who abort when they wanted to continue the pregnancy tend to feel very guilty and often get pregnant again quite quickly. Women who want to abort and have the child often resent it.

Ok, you are not a statistic but that is the general pattern.

So the starting point is what do you want?

Simon11

I wouldn't want to be a dad at such a young age. I want to enjoy my life now while I am young. When you're 18, you will find it very hard to go to nightclubs and bars while your friends enjoy themselves. This is a long term decision and you have to give up your first couple of years to be there around the clock for your baby 24/7.

I personal want to go on lots of holidays, live life to the full, get a good career meaning that when I’m older I can provide well for the baby and feel that I haven’t missed out on anything out on being young.

And don't bank on John giving money or helping for long. He will soon be put off after the cuteness and the excitment dies down. You will have to look after this baby until they are at least 18!, that longer than you have been around on this planet. Think about it

Good Luck xx
Si

clairec79

You are the only one who can make the decision of what to do, and really you should take John out of the equation, if he wasn't around what would you want to do? You can't assume a relationship will last and if there is a disagreement over whether a pregnancy will continue that puts a tremendous strain on a relationship - whatever your final decision is. If you continue the pregnancy and dont want to have a baby you'll likely not truely forgive him, if you terminate and he wants to keep it he won't truely forgive you. You need to come to a decision that is right for you.

Some 16 year olds are maturer than others, and some make fantastic parents, others not so good. Same as parents of any age.

Some people also sail through pregnancy while others suffer - so just because one person thinks pregnancy is hard doesn't mean yours will be - and vice versa, I could say pregnancy is easy, you feel better in yourself, not had any sickness or heartburn or stretchmarks - because in all honesty that is my experience, currently expecting my 4th and aside from being a bit tired (which happens after a work a night shift, pregnant or not) I'm one of these women who just do pregnancy without a blip - doesn't mean you'll follow my example or ClareEmily's (have to say though this one at 31 is more tiring than the ones before I was 25)

Person_one

Honestly, if I were you I wouldn't be having this baby.

No matter how much you and John love each other I'm afraid the odds are against you staying together. I'm not saying its impossible, just very unlikely. You'll have all the time in the world when you're a bit older and in a position to care of yourself independently to have babies.

Having a child is so so much hard work. Newborn babies are exhausting and that's when you've got the father living with you and being helpful, on your own is a million times harder. You would be giving up so much of your own life for a very long time.

Also, do you really want the father of your child to be a boy who threatens to leave you for 'killing his baby'? He can't love you all that much I'm afraid. If he starts threatening to leave when the baby's here it'll be a lot worse because you'll probably feel a lot more dependent on him.

Abortion is perfectly legal in this country. If that's the option you choose you have nothing to feel guilty about and don't let anyone make you feel like a bad person. There was actually a study out yesterday which proved that foetuses under 24 weeks don't feel pain.

If you do choose to keep the baby, make sure its because you want to, not anybody else, and be prepared to be a single parent. You will be the one responsible for this child, not your parents, not his, you. You'll have to become an adult before the nine months are up.

JBD

Odette wrote: »

Do you really want to give up any dreams you might have had for a career or travel or whatever at this point, for a screaming baby?

I'm 24 and I wouldn't in a million years.

She can still do all of these things. It might take more organisation and determination but it is still possible. Life isn't over because of having a child.

**confuzzled**

Cait it's one of those situations where only you can decide, maybe it would help working out the best & worse case scenarios for each scenario ie:the best & worst of keeping the baby...best & worst of not having the baby. from your original post it seems you're so busy worrying about everyone else you've forgotton your own emotions..either that or they're so all over the place you can't quite figure them out and I personally believe that doing the above will help you at least set things straight in your own mind:)

I hope you come to a decision that's right for you xx

samandona

Cait; you'll get LOADS of differing opinions on here and msot of them will tell you that its your decision. However, some people will say "dont murder your baby" and others will say "yes, you are too young". In your position, im not sure id make my decision based on the opinions of others.

I can give you my story, which has some comparisons to yours, but is different in many ways.

I found out I was pregnant on March 8th this year. Im 21 and have just finished my degree. I am graduating on 22nd July. My pregnancy wasn't planned. The last 3 or 4 months have consisted of me and my BF frantically trying to sort out of lives to a point where we are capable of looking after a child, a baby. Obviosuly, I wasn't working when I found out I was pregnant and have only recently been able to get a temporary job. However, people don't want to hire pregnant ladies. Thats a fact, regardless of all the legislation in place to stop discrimiation.
My BF is working, but is entangled in alot of person issues. Both his parents have died in the last 13 months amongst other things.
We have had to find money to get a house together, to buy baby things, to pay the bills, the list goes on.

Ive really struggled the last few weeks as the realisation of what is happening has hit me. I have a 1st class degree in my subject, but all the plans I had for this summer and the next 5 years of my life have effectivly been thrown out of the window. I can not even start to capitalise on my degree, and all the hard work I put in over the last 3 years, and the 7 before that, because of this situation I am now in. The career I wanted to pursue (and set up by my degree) is now totally out of the question because it would involve alot of travelling all over the word. I simply can't do this with a baby, or even a child.

I have 5 years on you, and there is no way I could possibly have coped with the enormity of the situation when I was 16. I have seriosuly enjoyed the last 5 years of my life and they have helped me develop into the person I am now. If I had had a baby or a child I know for a fact they wouldn't have been possible.

You have so much to consider. The financial burden is huge, regardless of what people say, and it is probably more than you can comprehende at this stage in your life. Emotionally, its really tough too. I have never ever wished I wasn't pregnant, but I often get upset knowing I would be in Hawaii at the moment, for example.

I know I am a little bit odler than you, and havn't been dependent on my parents for several years, but there is no way I would ask them to take on the burden of a tiny baby no matter how desperate my situation. They have spent 40 years bringing up kids and at 65, Im fairly sure they dont want to bring up anymore. You're parents might feel differently, but this will be your baby and your responsibilty for the rest of your life. Its such a massive decision you need to make sure you are fully informed.

Best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

cazscoob

I fell pregnant at 16 and had her when i was 17, i now have 5 children and although i wouold not change them for the world i do wonder what things would have turned out like.
My OH was the love of my life and we built a great life together, it all come falling down around us last week when i found out he was having an affair. I now feel that he was far to young to have a family and even though he had/has a better social life that he always felt he missed out?

Making the decision either way will not be easy and people offering help and support is one thing but them actually doing it is another. You need to do what is best for you, you have to live with it and you need to make sure your future will be bright and happy not filled with regret xx