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Secret Debt - Telling My Partner

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  • Hi,

    It's me, the OP. I don't know if anybody will read his thread in the future, but I just wanted to pop back to say that everything is so much better. It's over a year now since I told my husband about the secret debt and I am now working towards getting it all paid off.

    If anybody is wondering whether they should be honest about their debt I can wholeheartedly say 'yes'. Just take that step over the edge. Write a letter like I did if the words wont' come out. It isn't the coward's way out at all, but a very brave step and one that will say that you are sorry, ashamed, but ready to start afresh and do something about the mess you got into.

    I don't know where I would be in I hadn't told my partner. Probably in a loony bin because of the nervous tics I developed everytime the phone rang or the letterbox clattered! :D
  • LuckyLouise
    LuckyLouise Posts: 79 Forumite
    edited 11 March 2012 at 10:02PM
    ** Deleted **
  • CompBunny
    CompBunny Posts: 1,059 Forumite
    Hi Sarah,

    Thanks for posting! I'm so glad things are working out for you! You should stick around on this site and share your experiences with others :)

    There is actually another forum member in a similar situation that you were in a year ago, Sparkle over at this thread https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3735197 - hopefully she is telling her husband in person tonight, I'm sure she is terrified but she is brave to be biting the bullet and sharing the problem :)

    I read your first post and so nice to see the difference in how you feel now compared to back then!
    Congratulations!!
    GC2012: Nov £130.52/£125
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    Engaged to my best friend 08/2012:heart2:

  • Sarah, I am so happy that things worked out well for you. I am trying to come up with the courage to tell my future husband that I am about $8k in debt. The problem is, we are getting married in two days and I've wanted to tell him but I am scared to death that he will call the wedding off and leave me. He is not as accepting as most people are of debt. He is almost obsessive about his disgust for people in debt. About 3 years ago, he kept badgering me about my bills and finally I confessed to him that I owed (at the time) about $3k on a credit card. He freaked out and broke up with me, then came back to me a week later and said he wanted to pay off the debt (he has a lot of money in the bank) and threatened that if I ever did it again, it would be over. Well, I don't know why, but somehow I have managed to do it again and it's far worse than it was previously. I have wanted to tell him, but he is the type of person to throw it in my face every chance he gets. I wanted to tell him before we get married but my fear keeps taking over. I am afraid of the humiliation if he calls off our wedding now and I am also afraid he will throw this in my face for the rest of my life. I don't know what to do.
  • Hi all... I am new to all this. . But not to debt for years I have been struggling and my husband has helped me out... But I am back to square one.. And I have had an awful few months... My h is self employed... And work has has been a bit scarce of late... So been spending again. Not got anything to show for it... Am not sleeping or eating proper and reading all this has made me realise I have got tell him.. We are going on holiday in a few weeks time... So i have to tell him asap.... Ps I have been crying all morning just reading all these posts x
  • jaxsmar
    jaxsmar Posts: 518 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 500 Posts Photogenic Name Dropper
    Good luck theright1 - If you have been reading these threads you know that lots of people have been in your shoes, please get some proper advice, If you can let us know how much you owe by posting a statement of affairs I'am sure lots of people can give you better advice than me. I just want you to know your not on your own.
    Penny wise pound foolish. 366 days 1p challenge 2020/21/22/23 completed.
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  • Hi theright1
    Just wanted to say I know exactly how your feeling, I was in this position about this time last year. I was crying not sleeping not eating. Felt a complete and utter failure and that I had made such a mess of my Husband and sons life.
    I had to tell my husband that I had 45k in debt shocking I know.
    But I can honestly say that telling him was the best thing I have ever done.
    We are now on a dmp and have been for about 1 year and we have already paid 5k off.
    We have had a few bumps along the way but we now deal with them together, and I will never keep money secrets from him again.
    He will be disappointed I know mine was.
    You will feel relieved I know I did.
    Good luck and let us know how you get on :)
    LBM April 2012, started Dmp with Stepchange June 2012 £47k:eek: Proud to finally be dealing with our debts:)
    Nov 18 3 more payments to DFD
    Dec 18 2 more payments to DFD
    Jan 19 1 more payment to DFD
    Feb 19 Last Payment now debt free :)
  • FireWyrm
    FireWyrm Posts: 6,557 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker Debt-free and Proud!
    makhani wrote: »
    . I have never come across a woman who doesn`t think money grows on trees.

    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

    I am the sole provider for a household of five lovey. Now you have...met one...that is. Perhaps you should take your misogynistic bovine excrement and disappear, you're not welcome on this board.

    Also, take a second to check the dates on posts....and stop necro'ing threads which are years old and fossilized. It makes you look even more of an idiot than you already are.
    Debt Free! Long road, but we did it
    Meet my best friend : YNAB (you need a budget)
    My other best friend is a filofax.
    Do or do not, there is no try....Yoda.

    [/COLOR]
  • moohound
    moohound Posts: 1,209 Forumite
    Debt-free and Proud!
    Maybe living with him drove her to it, he sounds like a bundle of laughs :)
    ISA £1675 :DMiniMoohound savings £3685.86 :T Plus £3800 CTF :)
    'MrMoneyMuststache' my new hero, Martin Lewis my long time hero
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