Secret Debt - Telling My Partner

samand

moominmama72 wrote: »

Hi Sarah,

Reading your post gave me the courage to confess all my debt to my OH.

I too had been snapping at kids hidding bills etc.

My debt only 7k but it was seriously stressing me out, he'd already asked at begining of week if had something needed to tell him.

Finally had chance to talk today with no kids, found out he owes similar amount.

Now we're on proper drive to clear both our debts between us.

Still owe as much and spent most of afternoon in tears but is like weight has been lifted as no longer trying to deal with it on my own.

I wish you all the best and can only say for me it has saved my sanity and now we are going to make a dent in the debt even though we will have a tight few years
there more important things than money

Oh wow MoominMama (love the name by the way!). Well done! That must be a huge relief. I am glad the weight has been lifted and that my post helped. There are definitely many more important things than money and worrying about money. I hope you and your husband get to where you want to be. You were very brave.

dreamywings1

Just popped in to give you HUGE HUGZ for today Sarah. I hope everything goes as well as can be expected.

Hopefully later you will do an update and let us know how you got on.

Hugs
Dreamyx

GEEGEE8

Hope it goes well for you today too xxx

Luckystepho

I was thinking the same thing as Rainbow Liberty- as you have no missed payments and your credit rating is good, then being on the mortgage may not actually be a problem.

I think telling your husband will give you peace of mind though, all the very best and let us know how you get on.

at_my_wittsend

Hi Sarah,

Not any easy situation at all but he will be cross but that is where you need to take a deep breath and say, I realise how stupid I have been but I have paid off xx amount and this is how I foresee paying the rest, I am actually quite proud of myself that I have got it under control. The worst thing, is someone who has the secret but not doing anything about it. That is not you. I had to tell my partner last week the exact figure, he was fine. I had reasons for being in the situation I was in but turned out he himself was and has not been to hot in the money department. Fingers crossed that after you have told him and he has got his head around it, you can sit down and go through it all, you never know he may have an idea to help you out. I think it's so easy to get caught up in the spending and I can manage the repaying that you think I don't really need to say anything and then something happens......we all do it. Good luck. x

Rainbow_Liberty

Thinking of you, good luck

January20

Good luck Sarah! Be strong.

sarahdebtbuster

I've done it! I couldn't wait until tonight. I'd made up my mind today was the day and I had to do it the moment he got up. I really tried to wait, but as soon as he walked in the room I knew I had to do it. Started crying, got my letter and gave it to him. Didn't know what else to say, just felt so awful and cried and cried. He is so disappointed in me, but knows we can work through it. The thing that breaks my heart is that we could be so much further along the line, buying a new house, and now we have this debt to deal with.

I feel half relieved and half ashamed right now. I am so relieved that I could show him my credit card statements, my bank account and well, everything now. Before I would do all I could to hide these details and now it is all there for him to see. I know it will take time for him to forgive me and trust me again, but I will do all I can to make sure he can. My dad and my brother have been terrible with money too, but I want to be the one who admits to a problem and actually does something about it. Well, I am that person now.

So now, I can face up to my mistakes and get cracking on getting this debt resolved. I am going to work out when my debt free day will be and get there. My OH is going to take control of my cards and I am quite willing to have housekeeping or something like that so that we can both be sure what is going where.

I am also going to tell my mum today. She knows I have had problems in the past, but I need to be honest with her so that she knows everything.

If anybody else is reading this and wonders what they should do. Tell your OH now and don't let it get to the point where you are so desperate it is starting to affect your health and your family. I think had I let this go on any longer I would have got quite ill.

Thank you so much for everybody who advised and encouraged me to do the right thing. It gave me lots of support and courage in doing the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I am indebted to you all, but in a good way!

Looking forward to being a regular around here so I can get some more great advice and develop good habits for life.

X

Frugalchic

:j:TO Sarah I am so pleased for you. I had a similar situation not long ago. It was actually my ex-husband I had to tell, which may sound rather odd, but he had been so kind in not wanting anything at all at our divorce. Therefore, of course I felt I had let him down. As you can see we still get on really well. I have huge debts and will sort them out over the years. It's just so much better to admit the situation and, after all, it is only money.

So, now you can look to the future, after hopefully a good night's sleep, and look at all the lovely threads on this site for ideas on cutting costs and living in a very beautiful, frugal way. I assure you that once you look at some of the money saving items on here, you will feel as ecstatic as I do!!

Now, just concentrate on taking lots of deep breaths, don't feel guilty - it's just not going to help, and look to today and the future for that is where your life is.

Lots of hugs
:A

Butti

@ Property Advert

Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabee's for support and help not judgement

Do you think you can read that and understand it. Tell you what just for good measure I will repeat it.

Pls remember Debt-Free Wannabee's for support and help not judgement



Well done Sarah. You're facing up to your problems with an immense amount of courage and don't deserve responses like the one from Property Advert.

B