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Secret Debt - Telling My Partner

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Secret Debt - Telling My Partner

edited 29 June 2010 at 6:31PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
89 replies 55.7K views
sarahdebtbustersarahdebtbuster Forumite
14 posts
edited 29 June 2010 at 6:31PM in Debt-Free Wannabe
Hi,

I don't know where to start. I am going to tell my husband this weekend about the debt I have kept hidden from him for the past 10 years. It all started 20 years ago and I am sick of being in debt and letting it control my life. I owe £24526 according to my Experian report and that figure just makes me so ashamed especially that I haven't told him. Only told my best friend on the phone an hour ago and cried and cried. The situation is so awful now as I have let it go on for so long.

We were going to buy a new house and because I thought we would be okay with just my husband's name on the mortgage I buried my head in the sand. The bank now want me on it and I know they won't touch me with the amount I owe. I have to tell him this weekend before he starts looking at joint mortgages as I don't want him to find out through the bank refusing and him finding out why. I can't believe I have let it go on for so long. We are supposed to be a partnership and I have let him down so much. I am sitting here crying now and shaking and have never felt so awful. I have been shouting at the kids, unable to function properly and lying to friends about why I can't see them. I can't live like this any more. I know he will probably forgive me in time, but I feel so bad for lying to him. Only this morning before he left for work he asked if I owed anything on credit cards and I said no.

The good thing is that I have it under control, have never missed a payment and my credit report is 999. I am pleased that I have managed to keep my head above water at least. I know I have to be brave and tell him and I have written a letter and printed out my credit report for him to see. I just want him to know everything now.

I am just scared as to how he will react. He is an accountant and very good with money. He thinks people who rack up debt like this are stupid.

Has anybody told their partner? How did it go? What is it like now? I really want him to be able to trust me in the future as I have changed my spending habits, I pay my bills on time, and all credit cards have been cut up and destroyed. Hoping somebody can help. So worried.

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Replies

  • JohnD76JohnD76 Forumite
    79 posts
    Hi Sarah,

    Most people on here have been in your situation to one degree or another.

    Please don't take it out on your kids though hun.

    You need to have a long chat with your husband, since this has to be worked through.

    You also need to post an SOA on here so people can help with your money management and offer ways of saving some money to pay of debts quicker.

    Other people will post about unenforacble debst since some debts seem to go back over 20 years this may well be a good option for you.

    All the best,

    John.
  • JohnD76JohnD76 Forumite
    79 posts
    I told my Mrs about my debts when she moved in and it was the best thing I have ever done. She helped me see that they really needed to be tackled and over the next 5 years they were all cleared and I am now a very happy man indeed :-)

    Now trying to tackle the mortgages...... But this may take some more time.....

    You really need to tell your husband, you will make yourself ill worrying if not and the family dynamic will be ruined, espcially if you are shouting at the kids.
  • Hi Sarah,
    Please please please talk to your husband about this, yes he may have a wobbly but he will soon come round. I think once youve told him you will feel better within yourself and together you will be able to find a solution. Im not saying its going to be easy, it isnt but you will get their in the end.

    Post a SOA and the lovely people on here will be able to offer you some solutions.

    Good luck and chin up
    HUGZ Dreamyx
    total debt at LBM £4800
    Debt as of Mar 2016 £1790 Hope to be debt free July 2016:eek:
    Sealed pot challenge number 552
  • Thanks everyone. I am going to tell him tomorrow evening when the kids are in bed. Feel awful for shouting at them as it's not their fault. I know I will feel so much better afterwards. I felt better after telling my friend and she was so supportive. Will post an SOA and get this debt sorted once and for all.
  • savingwannabesavingwannabe Forumite
    14.6K posts
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts
    ✭✭✭✭✭
    One of our friend's Toile has a thread called 'What a man'. She went through the same thing as you and she told her husband. Please have a read and take courage from this. Good luck pet. Best wishes and hugs.
    [URL="http://www.!!!!!!/s.asp?im=gen&lpver=3&ref=10"][IMG]http://cdn.content.!!!!!!/sim/cpie/emoticons/00020121.gif[/IMG][/URL]
    Trying to be frugal 18/31Jan; 15/29 Feb 1/31 March NSDs.
    Saving change in money box.
  • edited 18 June 2010 at 10:50AM
    JohnD76JohnD76 Forumite
    79 posts
    edited 18 June 2010 at 10:50AM
    Thanks everyone. I am going to tell him tomorrow evening when the kids are in bed. Feel awful for shouting at them as it's not their fault. I know I will feel so much better afterwards. I felt better after telling my friend and she was so supportive. Will post an SOA and get this debt sorted once and for all.

    In the long run, I think you will all feel so much better for it Sarah.


    Can you keep us posted please.
  • JohnD76 wrote: »
    England are playing football tomorrow night and I don't know about your hubby, but I tend to be somewhat down in the dumps after watching them play... Just a thought.

    England are playing tonight so youd be even more down in the dumps if you missed it lol x
    total debt at LBM £4800
    Debt as of Mar 2016 £1790 Hope to be debt free July 2016:eek:
    Sealed pot challenge number 552
  • JohnD76JohnD76 Forumite
    79 posts
    England are playing tonight so youd be even more down in the dumps if you missed it lol x

    I re-read the post after submitting it and realised that I am a complete numpty and really need more coffee. :-) xxx

    :rotfl:
  • Know what you mean about needing more coffee, i'll put the kettle on lol x
    total debt at LBM £4800
    Debt as of Mar 2016 £1790 Hope to be debt free July 2016:eek:
    Sealed pot challenge number 552
  • Lol, thanks guys. He is going out with his friends tonight to watch the footy. Will get my letter printed, my credit report printed out, and take a deep breath tomorrow night. Think I might crack before as he will know something is wrong, but either way it will be TOMORROW. God, I cannot believe I am actually going to do this. For 10 years I have wanted to tell him.
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