working children paying keep - how much?

Marker_2

katfishh wrote: »

I'm 21 and just finished Uni. I have worked previously but lived at home whilst at Uni and Mum paid for everything;. I stayed at home for free, and she paid for my toiletries, as well as food, gas and electricity and a private medical insurance (that I never asked for!) . She also paid for holidays abroad for me and my brother every year (brother is two years younger).
Now I've left Uni Mum says she cant afford to subsidise me and wants me to pay a third of the mortgage, council tax and food bills. I am really angry as its not fair!! :mad: She is only 50 and is used to working full time so I dont see why I should subsidise her so she can work part time (what she wants now). Its funny how now I leave Uni she says she is 'tired' and needs to slow down! She moans about her commute (3 hours a day) but she should be used to it by now. I want to travel and save up to go out with my friends more. I also need money for clothes and going out and I have expensive taste.. I am angry that I have to pay a share towards her mortgage - and wants £150 a month!!! She says the house needs expensive repairs (roof, etc) and she needs to remortgae to do this but why should I pay for her house whan I get no benefit? I told all my Uni freinds and they said it was so unfair and they dont have to pay to stay in their homes, My mother is a single parent but she has a full tme job and I dont see why I should subsidise her house!!! What do others think? I have told her I am not paying a penny and I will move out.

This has got to be a wind up, if not, shame on your mum for bringing up such a brat, and shame on you for showing it.

Cant believe some of the comments on this thread though, I didnt have children to be rid of the financial burden when they turn 18, who thinks like that?

I will support my child for life if I have to, Il just raise her to value money, and like me, feel satisfied in making your own and buying things out of that.

pboae

whitewing wrote: »

That's the point. People can be that unreasonable if they've never had to be any different.

Parents I know gave their daughter £1000 a month during Uni so she could move into a flat on her own as her housemates didn't like her (alcoholic) boyfriend who'd virtually lived with them.

Ten years on, she remortgaged her house with another loser boyfriend. Hands over £50K to start him up in business and he runs off with it.

She still thinks it wasn't her fault and her parents are still bailing her out left, right and centre. She has no idea, despite being in a well-paid job.

You do your kids no favours by not teaching them about money and budgets. And just ensuring they have a savings acct as a child isn't really preparation for the wide world.

If a spoilt brat is 5 or 6 year olds, then fair enough blame the parents. At 21 they are more than old enough to be able to decide for themself what behaviour is appropriate.

For some people nothing will ever be their fault and they will always expect the world presented to them on a silver platter, and be permantly shocked when they don't receive it.

You can't carry on blaming the parents for ever, at some point offspring have to start taking responsibility for themselves, and this one is way overdue.

moggylover

Marker wrote: »

This has got to be a wind up, if not, shame on your mum for bringing up such a brat, and shame on you for showing it.

Cant believe some of the comments on this thread though, I didnt have children to be rid of the financial burden when they turn 18, who thinks like that?

I will support my child for life if I have to, Il just raise her to value money, and like me, feel satisfied in making your own and buying things out of that.

I don't think that getting rid of the burden was what any of us were suggesting - just that there is absolutely nothing wrong with expecting a realistic contribution to the cost of their life from them once they are working - and that it does them absolutely NO favours whatsoever to blithely go on living off their parents so that when they do finally leave home - probably to marry or live with someone, the financial burden becomes a possible/probable relationship breaker (and I speak with the experience of one who has been on the receiving end of the pain of a break up with a man whose mother had supported him for his entire (then) 28 years - and who thought I would continue her sterling work once we were together, and who hated the fact that he no longer had any "pocket money" for himself, let alone his entire wages to waste in the pub)! He will remain a sad child for his entire life - and it has brought him no happiness at all.

Furthermore, I have to say that the primary job of a parent is to prepare their young for the realities of life, and to be an independent and capable INDIVIDUAL once grown.

I would feel I had SERIOUSLY failed my kids if I had to support them financially for their entire lives! That would mean that they remained children - and never enjoyed the challenge of adulthood.

Whilst I have tried to ensure they understand the necessity of "earning a living" I have raised them to see also that money and possessions have NO intrinsic value, and are not guaranteed to provide any happiness at all - but that a life where they do something fulfilling and satisfying and engage in committed and caring relationships with those around them is invaluable.

Money has it's place, but a surfeit is as unnecessary as a deficit is painful!

Learning to stand as an adult is the most important lesson we ever teach our children - and as a very much older parent I had to acknowledge that my delay in parenting would quite possibly mean that my children had to learn to stand alone at a relatively young age, so it has always seemed a paramount one to me.

MKwife

The OP's mum has single handedly financially supported the OP through Uni which is hard enough for two working parents to fund, let alone one! I don't blame OP's mum for expecting the OP to have some compassion and actually be happy to support her mum for a change. If she was renting a decent place or even a room she would be paying a lot more than £400 a month including all bills, ctax and mortgage! Don't understand why OP just doesn't stay with her mum until she decides she wants her own place. It is an easy ride living at home compared to having your own place!

Charlie1986

I'm 21 and there is noway i'd expect my mum to pay for toiletries and everything for me :eek: . I've been paying for these any any luxary foods since i had my first job at 16. I also couldn't not give my mum anything towards the bills. I don't give my mum much but I cook, clean, wash, iron, wash the cars, food shop the lot.
Mum pays for the bulk of the food shop but if we need milk, i'll go and buy the milk etc.
If the op really is serious then they really need to wake up to the real world, either start paying your way or get your own place :rolleyes:

basketcase

katfishh wrote: »

No its not a wind up - but you've got me wrong! The £150 a month is towards the mortgage and I STILL have to pay a third off all the bills for gas/electricity/council tax and food.. that means I'll have to pay about £100 a week total! She says that she find its a struggle to make ends meet but she's well into her career and I'm just starting.

How does where you are in your careers affect the cost of living? Don't you use a 3rd of the utilities, food etc?

katfishh wrote: »

My friend has a got a flat that costs £80 a week and then she only has bills to pay and thats about £10 a week.

No phone? No food? No CT, or is that included in the rent? Also £150x12=£1800, £80x52=£4160. Even with, say £50 per month CT, you're still quids in!

katfishh wrote: »

I think shes lying about the bills and I want to see them all before I pay her a penny.

When I first read this I thought you didn't believe that your friend's bills were only £10pw. Are you calling your MOTHER a liar?:eek:

In which case, what has she done to deserve what you've been saying about her? She's kept you whilst you were at Uni, even paying for holidays abroad and health care "which I didn't ask for!". She's 50 and is wanting to slow down "why should she? I've got expensive tastes!" She admits that a 3 hours commute is wearing her down "Well she should be used it!" And now you're calling her a liar? Perhaps I'm misunderstanding something...

katfishh wrote: »

I think £50 a week is fair.

Depends on what proportion of your earnings that is. Only if you get £100 per week. And that would still leave you £50 a week for luxuries. If everything's paid for you have your salary minus £400 to spend just on you. That seems pretty fair to me.

katfishh wrote: »

After all this IS my home too!

So why wouldn't you be prepared to pay your mother rent to put towards a RE-mortgage to repair the roof? Wouldn't you benefit from it being weatherproof? If she expects you to pay for this and you're not living in it, of course, that's different...

pinkshoes

Welcome to the real world Katfishh!

You seem to have lived rather a sheltered life where everything has been handed to you on a plate, but now it's time to live in the real world, where life is expensive, nice things cost money, and the world ain't fair!

Did you not "live out" at uni and have to pay bills? £100 isn't a bad deal if it includes all your meals, heating, water, council tax etc...!

If I were you, I would move out and experience the real world, as you come across as rather naive and sheltered.

Perhaps you should read between the lines of what your Mum is saying, as to me it sounds like a hint that she wants you to move out and become independent!

savvy

katfishh wrote: »

No its not a wind up - but you've got me wrong! The £150 a month is towards the mortgage and I STILL have to pay a third off all the bills for gas/electricity/council tax and food.. that means I'll have to pay about £100 a week total! She says that she find its a struggle to make ends meet but she's well into her career and I'm just starting.

My friend has a got a flat that costs £80 a week and then she only has bills to pay and thats about £10 a week.

I think shes lying about the bills and I want to see them all before I pay her a penny. I think £50 a week is fair. After all this IS my home too!

AHEMMMM! Methinks you may need to take your own advice!

Sybs_2

My son who's nearly 16 does not realise just what he's getting at home, in terms of food, warmth, shelter, love (plus all the extras like new trainers, holidays, school trips, and all the pounds here and there that are given to him for evenings out with his mates.) Fair play to him, he does a paper round and managed to save to pay for his own ticket to see Lee Evans. He is definitely not spoilt by any means as we have tried to teach both our children the value of money (he even suggests we go to Primark when he needs new clothes!). But I honestly think that no-one can possibly know what it's like until they leave home and have to stand on their own two feet - nor should they. Children should be able to have a care-free upbringing but also learn to appreciate everything they get. I know I am rambling on, but basically, what I'm trying to say is that the original message poster has been given a bit of a hard time. I would find it very difficult to justify charging my son £100 a week unless he was earning mega bucks.

floss2

katfishh wrote: »

No its not a wind up - but you've got me wrong! The £150 a month is towards the mortgage and I STILL have to pay a third off all the bills for gas/electricity/council tax and food.. that means I'll have to pay about £100 a week total! She says that she find its a struggle to make ends meet but she's well into her career and I'm just starting......

Ok.....so you don't want to pay towards the increased cost of having you at home......like the 1/3 rd extra council tax now you are no longer a student. Or the higher gas, electric & water bills (or don't you use any?) or food (or do you not eat either?)

... My friend has a got a flat that costs £80 a week and then she only has bills to pay and thats about £10 a week.

Does your friend have any idea how much £10 a week in bills will cover? And does she not eat anything either? So that's £390 a month + food. And you want to pay £100 a week = £433 including food. Can you feed yourself on £43a month, as that's the only difference?

... I think shes lying about the bills and I want to see them all before I pay her a penny. I think £50 a week is fair. After all this IS my home too!

Why should she lie? And what is unfair about £150 a month towards the roof over your head, when your mum has kept you at uni rather than getting work done on her home?