working children paying keep - how much?

liney

floss2 wrote: »

Sorry to go off topic & to be picky, but this is a bit of an assumption. You don't know anyone's personal circumstances.

Our mortgage matures in 5 years and is for £50k so the payment is relatively small. However, when my 2 DS's both finish uni in 2 years (2 graduations the same summer - bad planning!), we intend to move home - and will then substantially increase the size, term & payment of our mortgage.

So yes, it is nearly non-existant & small, for now, but ask me in 2 years & it won't be.

I know that if someones bills cost £650 per month, and i know how much gas and electric and council tax are ect, i can assume that the mortgage is (allow me to quote myself) nearly, or non existant. You don't know my personal circumstances because i haven't told you, but this person chose to share.

The OP's mother's mortgage clearly isn't non exisitant. While this isn't the OPs fault, she is old enough to pay her own way, so if she choses to stay in her mother's house she must accept that she is paying her share of the bills and indirectly paying her mortgage. If she moved out she would be indirectly paying someone elses mortgage. Unless she can stop buying clothes, ignore her 'expensive tastes' she will always be paying someone elses mortgage.

liney

floss2 wrote: »

Did I miss something, or have we actually seen figures to back this up?

Without knowing any other of the specific amounts, we all know that as the OP has now left Uni, the council tax will go up by 33% as her mother will no longer be able to claim the student's 25% reduction.

OP says:
"Now I've left Uni Mum says she cant afford to subsidise me and wants me to pay a third of the mortgage, council tax and food bills. I am really angry as its not fair!!"

This means the mortgage is £450 per month hence her share being £150, which is not unreasonable, plus her share of the bills.

How much the bills have gone up is irrelavent. She is not a student anymore, she is a working adult.

basketcase

Marker wrote: »

I agree even late down the road that kids need to learn. BUT where I may differ from some others, I wouldnt actually spend the money she gave me in rent. I would save that for her so she can have a better stepping stone than I did in life.

I will manage before she reaches 'that' age, so when she reaches that age I am not going to take money off her for myself. She didnt chose the amount I pay on a mortgage and unless shes gonna by all her own food I will be picking what food I buy and what I make.

My sisters and I were my mothers little skivvys when we were really young. I started earning my own little pocket money at 12, from there on in I had to buy all my own items, deodrant etc. My mother was recently divorced so my sisters and I would of helped out anyway, but we wernt given an option. I moved out at 17 with no money as she had basically taken my £15 a week earnings since I got it.

I do take your point, Marker, and I'm sorry that you had such a rough deal with your mum. BUT I think the best you can really say is that you hope to be in a position not to have to take money etc. I also disagree that the OP's mum is being unreasonable.

Lest you think I, too, am unreasonable I'm a single parent with DS33 and DD19 and we work things like this:

DS is disabled and job-hunting. When at Uni he got a grant and lived at home. He gave me half the cheque and I paid him that amount back on a weekly basis. That way I could cover large bills and he knew he always had money throughout the term. It worked for us. I also paid him (but not everytime) to babysit his sister. Like OP's mum, I paid for holidays.

When he works, he gives me 2/5 (DD spend half time with her dad, hence bills divide by 5) of all COMMON expenditure - doesn't my insurance etc. There's a 'cap' of half his wage, so if he doesn't get paid a lot he pays less. He'd LOVE to get a job and get a place of his own, but it's difficult for him.

DD's off to Uni. Fortunately we're in Scotland so her fees are paid and she gets a Bursary. Her dad's cutting up rough about providing, but has agreed to pay for her Halls. I'm going to pay £15/wk into a Tesco Clubcard so that she always has food. She intends getting a job. After Uni, should she be at home, the same rules will apply as for her brother (except that she'll pay 1/5 because she's only there half the time).

Neither of my offspring feel in any way badly done to. In fact, my son feels bad that he can't contribute more and my daughter feels the same. I'm glad to say that they DO appreciate the sacrifices I've had to make. And YES there have been sacrifices - I've had to spend years working long hours in a job I'm not keen on to support them and they appreciate that. Is it a willing sacrifice - of course it is, they're my children!

BTW, I asked them what they thought of OP's ideas and they were horrifed at her "she should be used to it" attitude thought she should "get a grip".

KxMx

How about a comprimise: you do certain household chores in exchange for x £'s off the rent?
You also really need to grow up. Your Mum has supported you for more years than most, has obviously worked hard all her life, why shouldn't she have a rest?
It may be a shock, but how do you think everyone else pays for things in real life?
I've got a friend who will tell me about her uni classmates who live off
their parents, and there she is with her Nan paying her car insurance and her mum fills up the tank whenever she goes over. And she cut her work hours down since she "wanted her weekend back" She's in a central location, buses every 8 mins and the yearly bus pass is dead cheap.
I'm 21 and on IB currently, but try and do as much housework as I can, the on-line shop, pay for the cat's insurance,food, and jabs flea& worm drops etc, buy what food bits we need, give my mum £20 per month, plus whatever I can put on the water card/post office stamps each month. It really hurts that I can't do more I tell you!

pollyanna24

Hmm, I must admit I'm a little perplexed about the varying degrees of what the OP should pay. Maybe I was just brought up different.

When I was 21, I bought my first house. I didn't expect my parents to buy owt for me. It's just the way it was. By the way, I bought the in 2003, so not exactly years and years ago.

While living with my parents, they charged me (and my bf) £100 each and they said it was for food and that rent was free as we were saving to buy a house. This I am eternally grateful for, but if we were just blowing the money on booze and holidays, I'm sure my parents might have upped our contribution a bit!

I find it strange that the OP thinks that little of her mother to say that she doesn't want to contribute. I don't think I would charge my kids that much money, but I would expect something. Once I got to 18, I got a job, simple as and my parents took money off me.

My bf moved in with us when we were 18 because his dad wanted to charge him £350 a month (a jump from £140) and at the time we thought that was extortionate as he was only earning £600 a month (this was 1999). For £350 a month, he had to share his room with his 17 year old brother and look after his 10 year brother (i.e. babysit him and cook and iron for him).

I can see it from the OP's view slightly as I remember first earning and wanting to spend "my" money on stuff like clothes and going out and all the fun things that you can't do when you don't have money.

I'm trying to remember at what point did I think it was reasonable for me to keep myself, but it was obviously before 21 as I was a property owner then! I must admit, for people who have never been taught the value of things, it is hard to realise just how much things cost in the real world.

We currently have bf's little brother living with us. He gets his room, all bills and food for £220 a month. We have given him a deadline of the end of this month to move out and I think he will be mightily shocked at how much things cost when he does move out. I just don't think young people (oh gosh, I sound so old) realise the value of things when they get everything included.

I'm certainly going to do my best to teach my kids the value of money as I don't want to end up with a ungrateful brat who expects everything. Having said that, I don't remember my parents drumming into me that I had to pay my own way, I just grew up and did it.

dannynixon

Marker wrote: »

What, so if the mother had 3 kids, she wouldnt have to pay a cent towards her own mortgage or bills?

There is no mention of any other kids. The OP is a joker. His mother has supported him through university and I think he is extremely selfish.

Even if his mother does take the money from him and saves it without telling him.

There is no way anyone can defend this guy when she is only asking for £150 a month. Is it really that unreasonable???

arthur_dent_2

The OP's mum is asking for £400 a month not £150

liney

arthur_dent wrote: »

The OP's mum is asking for £400 a month not £150

The Op said £150 mortgage, plus a third of the bills which she guessed would be £100 per week total.

Edited to say the Op has a brother, hence the mother has split the bills in 3 and is paying the younger child's share as she always did for the OP when she was in education. If she had 3 children then i would imagine she would set the amont to 1/4 not 1/3.

paddy's_mum

I have some sympathy with the view expressed by some posters that suddenly having to pay out all this money may have come as a shock. However, I also firmly believe that what the mother is now doing is only right and proper. In my view, the mother has earned the right to start slowing down. One wonders what she will be doing in her retirement (not that many years away) if the OP continues to take from her to the level that she apparently wishes to do - "I have expensive tastes" - my left boot!

I believe it is the attitude displayed by the OP that has brought down such criticism upon her head. In the course of this thread she has stated or implied that her mother is grasping, greedy, unfair, and a liar to boot. I wonder how the mother would feel if she was to read all this?

It is my view that the mother has discharged all and any obligations to the highest level, and has acted extremely honourably towards her children throughout - remember those foreign holidays and the university education - and all done as a single parent!

OP - what is very, very striking about your two posts in this thread is that nowhere do you use (or imply) those two little words "love" and "gratitude". I can only hope that your own children don't adopt the attitude towards your loving efforts that you have done towards the mother who has worked so hard and given so generously for your benefit.

Perhaps it is time that you learned that within a family, once you turn 18, you have no rights whatever - anything you are given you have to earn and a good way to keep earning your mother's goodwill is to see and appreciate all that she has done for you.

There are thousands of members here who would have given their right arms to have had a loyal and steadfast mother like yours. Drop your anger and resentment and start thanking your lucky stars that you were given such a blessing in life as your 110% mother!

VK-2008

i think its only fair that you pay your share i lived at home and when at uni my parents forked out for most things and i paid for my own luxaries now iv left i have to pay it all as i work full time in reality thats what happens, it sets you up for when u want to move out

i pay then 150 quid a month and then i put more in savings so i can have deposit for my house and also pay for my weddng my parents are fair and you do have to help out