He's not ready to marry me?

peachyprice

Primrose wrote: »

Tell him that you don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering whether he's prepared to make a permanent commitment to you and that perhaps it would be better if he moved out so that you can get on with your life and try to find somebody who's got the guts to commit to a permanent relationship.

I don't "buy" all this nonsense about it not mattering whether you're married or not.. You've bought a child into this world and you both owe that child the security of a permanent commitment. If your boyfriend wanted the sex ride, he should now pay his fare.

But you think it's OK to strip that child of the security of having two parents just because they have differing views on marriage? Great, I'm sure he/she will understand that she/he's getting a new step father because mummy wanted to be married more than she wanted to be with his/her daddy.

Primrose

What I was suggesting is that after being together for several years, including having a child, this man ought to have some idea whether he wants to make a permanent commitment to his partner or not. And it seems that he's still bobbing up and down on the issue like a yo yo. So when their son grows older, surely he will start to ask himself why his father isn't prepared to make a permanent commitment to his mother, and he's living in this permanent state of insecurity, wondering whether his father will have yet another bout of indecision on "I'm not sure whether I want to marry your mother, and I'm not sure whether I love her any more". So the insecurity is still there, even if the parents are still living together at the moment.

I accept that there some cases where two people living together without making the commitment of marriage is OK, i.e. when no children are involved. I still think that once you bring a child into the world, your responsibilities change for ever until that child is old enough to become independent. Whichever way you cut the cheese, it's about being adult and mature enough to make that decision and commitment. It sounds as if in this case, the guy isn't. He's had five years to make up his mind. He knows what's it's all about. And he's not accepting the responsibility.