He's not ready to marry me?

vixarooni

I know where you are coming from. Ive been with my boyfriend for four and a half years, and all we have ever heard is "when are you getting married" all the time! I'd love to just be asked, i dont even mind a long engagement. Its a sort of progression, and a way of really showing his comitment to me and how much he loves me. Don't get me wrong, i'd love the day and the dress, but id just like to be asked!

Hope it all works out for you, youre a family already regardless of the name so try and be happy and maybe turn your focus onto something else?

Ellie2758

I think you need to bide your time. I dont think he knows what he wants. You are both so young. Enjoy your child, enjoy today. Dont push him into something you may both end up regretting.

Mojisola

dreambirdie wrote: »

maybe just ask him when he thinks he will be ready? ive been with my OH just short of 2 yrs, although im pregnant with our first child. and he very quickly told me he definatley does not want to get married until he's at least 30 (we are both 22) im not really all that bothered to be honest. i dont think marraige means that much to me personally. i dont think it would make me feel any more secure than i already am. after all married or not..any man or woman can get up and go at any stage.

you dont know what is around the corner.

It might not make a difference emotionally but it does legally. If you're not going to get married, make sure you have covered yourself as much as possible regarding the legal pitfalls of just living together - https://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/

shegirl

Honestly,don't push it and don't give yourself any timescales.

I've just split from my oh,it was two days before our sons birthday infact!

Anyway,our son is 11,we'd had a break or two in the past but had been together since 14 on and off (we're 28 now) and getting fed up of waiting for final committment (and we didn't live together for very complicated reasons many wouldn't understand) and started talking about marraige more often.A couple of years ago he said he'd marry me one day.After me bringing it up a few times last year we eventually got engaged,he had a ring designed and made,he told me to buy my dream dress as it was on sale etc.I was the happiest woman on earth.

Turns out that it only happened because he thought he'd lose me if we didn't get engaged and for him it was easier for him to leave me and our son than to stay and tell me!

Granted,he's abandoned our son too so he has some pretty big issues with things anyway,but that's how he handles things!

Don't push it hun,I've lost the man I loved more than life and my oldest and closest friend.I know marraige is important to you,as it was to me,but is it really worth losing that for?

RadoJo

How much of your desire to get married has been fuelled by the impending wedding of this cousin you've already said you have had problems with in the past? I don't think that someone else getting married is a good enough reason to force your OH into an ultimatum. I also think that considering splitting from your child's father because you want a wedding day is a little irresponsible towards your child - you can't fix what you experienced in your childhood by insisting on marriage, and wouldn't it be better to raise your son together rather than leave your partner just to have the wedding you want?

Having said that, if you don't love him enough to stay with him whether he wants to get married or not, then perhaps you should be considering whether marriage is the right thing for the two of you.

myothercarisaferrari

hey POP - I am definitely not upset about the break up - I was for a while but my life is like a breath of fresh air now, but hey thats another thread to be started.

The thing is, you can't make someone want the same things as you. I ca say with hindsight and being in the position in as the OP ayear ago, I would break up with him. If he doesnt want it now, who is to say in 5 years he wil change his mind? He might not and the OP will have wasted years on him.

peachyprice

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

.

The way I see it is that why should you waste your twenties on someone who purports to love you but wont commit to you, particularly when you have a child together, when you could find someone else who would commit to you?

.

So you advocate breaking up an otherwise happy family, leaving a child with one parent and finding someone else for the sake of a wedding?????

They have a child that he wants them to bring up together, there is no bigger commitment than that.

leefire

I think I have the solution to your problem and this is 100% effective......................... Are you ready. Tell him that you have been having second thoughts of your own. Tell him that he doesnt do enough for you or your family anymore. Then either kick him out or move out. Now for the important bit.............sit back and have a lovely break from him, watch him squirm like a little girl and watch as he realises that all the fantasies hes had that hes missed out on sleeping with loads of girls were all just fantasies in his head. Then just as he thinks you are a lost hope and you are sick of the poems and flowers off him, then and only then say," ok Ill take youy back but we need to change and start again". Hey presto the man you`ve always wanted and the woman of his dreams. This may sound mental but my wife did this with me and now we have 2 girls and a boy on the way and I love and lust after her more and more every day.

Mojisola

peachyprice wrote: »

They have a child that he wants them to bring up together, there is no bigger commitment than that.

I'm curious as to why people have such a problem with getting married. If both partners are committed to the partnership and raising children, what is the problem with making it legal? If the commitment is real, why not get married? If it isn't, then should you stay with someone who is keeping open their option to walk out on you?

If it is the idea of the big wedding that's the problem, just go to a registry office for a simple legal agreement.

If my partner said he was committed to our life together, wouldn't get married, and wouldn't as a minimum sort out the legal side with wills, etc, I would doubt his honesty.

myothercarisaferrari

I remember someone who posted on here a few weeks ago on a similar thread said the way to get a man to marry you is to not move in with him and not have kids x