He's not ready to marry me?

dom300186

oh decisions decisions, such alot of different views, its intresting hearing some people stories and views and i appreciate everyone posting for me, because im like Mojisola and think if you say your commited why not go down local registry office and do it? but then i accept he says im not ready yet but it will happen and i think yeh when im 70 lol, i just wnat him to see that i am worth it and im not going anywhere i just want to feel like he means what he says.

Odette

If you dont already believe that then Im afraid your the one with a BIG problem.

ticklepenny_2

Hi just a quick note from a mum who isnt married but living with partner. Make sure you get a will. Whilst you are unmarried the law is not on your side if either of you pass away. By getting a will in place at least you know your son will stay with you OH.

Also as mentioned previously would the idea of eloping be more appealing to your OH? Just a private service between you two with your son present, no pressure from outside forces (family and friends etc). You can still make it special.

peachyprice

Mojisola wrote: »

If the commitment is real, why not get married? If it isn't, then should you stay with someone who is keeping open their option to walk out on you?

Marriage WILL NOT stop someone walking out on you if that's what they want to do, why on earth would anyone think it would, getting married doesn't strip you of your own free will.


Really, some people just do not believe that a wedding is proof of commitment, forcing someone into it by threatening to break up their family isn't going to change that point of view.

threemuttleys

question,,,why is getting married so important? is having a child together not a bigger sign of commitment and bond?
what do you think will change/happen once you are married?

fwiw, i live with my OH and have done for nearly 3 years..im expecting our first child, we are engaged, have a mini zoo, have a mortgage together, pay bills together, etc. As far as im concerned, there is little difference between us and a married couple (apart from surname and a piece of paper) yes we will get married one day, but it will be very low key and family only.

have you sat him down and asked him how he feels about the whole situation? does he believe in marriage? does he want to be married?

also, being married does not stop men or women wondering/straying

Idiophreak

dom300186 wrote: »

now this person who wouldnt leave us alone when we were getting married has been with a guy for 6 months and they are getting married next year, ive been waiting 5 years what shall i do?

I wasn't aware that marriage was some kind of race?

I'm a 27 yo bloke, been with the OH almost 10 years and see no reason to rush getting married...it's very easy to live with someone for a year and say "yeah, they'll do" and pop the question - but I don't really think that's the point of the thing.

I might be soppy, but I think marriage is very much about 2 becoming 1...and I think you grow toward that and I don't think it's something you can set a time limit on.

Pee

I am sorry that he doesn't feel ready for marriage and I do appreciate that it must be very distressing for you, especially as it was all arranged.

However, I do think that a man who treats you well and is a good father is worth keeping, for the sake of both you and the child.

I wouldn't ruin what you have for something that doesn't really exist - you talk about wanting security, but persueding someone to marry you offers no security.

goggle

tell him you want the marriage not the wedding - maybe it's the wedding he is not interested in - esp as you seem to be causing drama with his family members. Ask him if he'd marry you on a Tuesday morning at the register office with just a couple of witnesses?

Oh, and if that isn't something you'd want, then maybe you wnat the wedding more than the marriage!

blabberwort

I agree that it may not actually be the marriage bit he's opposed to but the whole arranging and spectacle of a wedding as has already been shown by the previous attempt at sorting the wedding out. He may not want to tell you because he saw how much you were looking forward to the dress and whole caboodle.

I would ask him if he would get married without the fanfare, just you, him and your son plus 2 witnesses at a registry office. You wouldnt even need to tell anyone this is what you were doing.

If he agrees but you still yearn for the whole white wedding thing then theres nothing to stop you having all this at a later date with a blessing when he's more comfortable with the idea. Just dont mention a blessing to him yet you may have to wait a few years or even not at all, but if you really want to get married then it shouldnt matter about the big spectacle tbh.

shegirl

myothercarisaferrari wrote: »

hey POP - I am definitely not upset about the break up - I was for a while but my life is like a breath of fresh air now, but hey thats another thread to be started.

The thing is, you can't make someone want the same things as you. I ca say with hindsight and being in the position in as the OP ayear ago, I would break up with him. If he doesnt want it now, who is to say in 5 years he wil change his mind? He might not and the OP will have wasted years on him.

How the hell is being with someone you love and who loves you wasting anything?

Being with the one you love is the most important bit.You only marry someone you love and want to spend your life with.

You would honestly break up with someone you loved because it looked like getting married wasn't in near sight?:eek:

I find your opinion a little strange I have to say.