How do I move on from a relationship break-up?

izzybusy23

Just got word this morning that I have an interview on Monday afternoon! It's quite a bit from home and less money than I'm on (which is very low to start with!) but I'd give anything for a new start. It'd be lovely to work somewhere that I don't have to be afraid of getting shouted at and I don't shake like a beaten dog when the boss comes near me! I'll have to go shopping for a suit and put it on the dreaded credit card as all my clothes are a few sizes to big now...lol, at the minute I have one pair of trousers, a pair of jeans and about five tops that fit...and I only have them because my lovely mummy bought them for me!

You are sounding much better today! And regards the new job; sometimes you have to go back to basics and start again to get ahead. I've only been working in my job for 2.5 years and on my 2nd threat of redundancy, so I have an interview tomorrow for a job a whole grade less than I am on at the moment, but I hate my job, its boring and the interview is for a job in safeguarding children which I really enjoy.. so job satisfaction to me at the moment is more important than pay!

I also split from my DH in Feb; he's not paid me a bean in child maintenance in 2 months; CSA are now involved but I only found out on Monday that payments didn't start until yesterday so I don't get money until June... thats due to him having another child before we met who he never see's and its delayed my case which I am very angry about - so we all have !!!!!! weeks! The only plus side for me is that I am totally over him emotionally. He was dead clingy when we first met constantly accusing me of seeing other men due to us living apart and long distance; done and said some awful things to me when I was pregnant and since we have split he has accused me of seeing other men yet again (must be the invisible man then) and to be honest his insecurities and clingy nastiness wore me down. I am relieved that I don't have to put up with that anymore. The only thing is we are linked due to our daughter and having to fight the sod for some money to support her... but sometimes I so wish it was a simple clean break and he was out of my life for good. It riles me I have to even text / speak to him about our daughter when he hasn't paid me any child support. Ggggrrr.

Sorry that turned into a rant!!

Good luck with your interview on Monday! :beer:

deedee71

I would get a second opinion from another estate agent.

House prices have went down, but £50k doesn't sound right, and your estate agent was stringing you out a bit so maybe it was outwith their preferred area or something.

Bubby

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

p.s I just want to thank all of you for your help. Please never underestimate how much your support means to me. Everytime I've had a wobble I think of how annoyed you would all be with me if I rang/texted him and that has kept me going!! :beer:

You are right we would be very cross:mad::mad::mad:;)

AlwaysWorking

deedee71 wrote: »

I would get a second opinion from another estate agent.

House prices have went down, but £50k doesn't sound right.

Unfortunately house prices in Northern Ireland have dropped much further than in other areas as they had been rising at a stupid rate before. So I think the valuation is pretty spot on unfortunately.

'If George Clooney was outside now banging on my knocker I'd tell him 'Look love I'll see you twice a week for drinks and sex, but you're not moving in, I like my own space'!!!!' NO WAY Souk08! :eek: Anyone else but George and I would see your point....but he is gorgeous!!!

izzybusy23 good luck with your interview chick!! A job safeguarding children...wow, that sounds worth getting out of bed in the morning for! It must be lovely to have a job that actually makes a difference to people's lives?

Steph are you all ready for your trip???? Make sure that memory card had plenty of room on it for all the photos I want to see!

Hieveryone & Jackie...I know you are right. Even if a miracle happened and ex came back, I'd constantly worry he was going to leave again. I'd be afraid to so much as tell him off for leaving damp towels lying in the bathroom incase he packed up and left. :rotfl: But seeing as he is in the process of buying his own house he clearly never had any intention of giving 'us' another go. I keep praying for that miracle though....

I wasn't at my 2nd job last night (yay a rare night off!!) so my mum and I went down to my house to check on it and collect the post. There was some for ex so I dropped it round to him. Before you think 'the daft witch did WHAT?!', I knew he'd be at his swimming club, lol! Got a text this morning thanking me and asking how I am. So tempted to reply but I've been so strong up to now that I can't. I still can't believe I'm going to lose him completely from my life...but I couldn't be friends and see him with other women.

I got an email through Facebook from a girl I used to go to school with. She now has a glamerous job and is getting married this summer. What should I reply? That dispite graduating 10 years ago I am working for less money than I ever have?! That I work for the worst bosses imaginable?! That I've had two failed relationships?! The first one lasted 8 years on and off. I worked my a*s off to pay off his debts but in hindsight he was an alcoholic and a womaniser who wanted a mummy instead of a partner. The second one the most romantic man you could ever meet who only realised he had major committment issues seven weeks after he proposed?! :rotfl: Maybe I'd be safer not replying?!

I hope all is well with everyone - after all, it is FRIDAY!!! :beer:

DonGotti

Hi AW

I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. Breaking up is one of life's greatest sources of emotional (and somewhat physical) pain.

Reading your posts I think you are making progress slowly but surely even if you feel you're not. Don't be hard on yourself. And also remember that there are many people in the world having silmilar feelings of sadness, despair and confusion. You're bound to have really bad days but just keep trying.

Remember after the darkest night comes a brighter day.

There is a website called loves a game (just type into Google). It contains many articles about relationships and break-ups. It also has a comments system from other people. It is quite informative and I think it may help you.

I really hope things get better soon and you have the life you deserve

Souk08

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I got an email through Facebook from a girl I used to go to school with. She now has a glamerous job and is getting married this summer. What should I reply? That dispite graduating 10 years ago I am working for less money than I ever have?! That I work for the worst bosses imaginable?! That I've had two failed relationships?! The first one lasted 8 years on and off. I worked my a*s off to pay off his debts but in hindsight he was an alcoholic and a womaniser who wanted a mummy instead of a partner. The second one the most romantic man you could ever meet who only realised he had major committment issues seven weeks after he proposed?! :rotfl: Maybe I'd be safer not replying?!

Right you, how do you know that she likes her job and feels happy and at home there? How do you know that her man is nice to her? How so you know that she fancies him and isn't just in it for the alleged security? Not meaning to sound negative as I'm absolutely not that kind of person but you don't know someone else's life til your in it. Getting married doesn't mean they're happy honey.

Just reply saying you're great thanks, put a gloss on it like she has!!!

Enjoy your weekend honey and XXX

puffinmuffin

Souk08 wrote: »

Right you, how do you know that she likes her job and feels happy and at home there? How do you know that her man is nice to her? How so you know that she fancies him and isn't just in it for the alleged security? Not meaning to sound negative as I'm absolutely not that kind of person but you don't know someone else's life til your in it. Getting married doesn't mean they're happy honey.

Just reply saying you're great thanks, put a gloss on it like she has!!!

Enjoy your weekend honey and XXX

What she said!

The worst thing you can do right now is start comparing yourself to others. Your friend is hardly going to contact you after 8 years and tell you how terrible her life is!

BitterAndTwisted

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

The estate agent eventually phoned back. I got the house three and a half years ago and completely gutted it (with the help of my AMAZING mum and our trusty crow bar!!)...it's now worth around £50,000 less than I paid for it. So if I sold I'd be able to pay the mortgage off, but have nothing to start again...and I'd still have a kitchen loan with two years to run! :rotfl: The other option is to let it out, but since I have zero equity (and would hazard a guess that the bank will err on the side of caution and say I'm in negative equity), I wouldn't get permission to let from the bank.

That isn't always the case: your lender would be looking at the rental income compared to the mortgage repayments but becoming an amateur landlord isn't a risk-free enterprise and you would need either "Consent to Let" from your lender and in some cases they insist you convert to a Buy-to-Let mortgage which attracts a higher rate.

If you are intent on holding onto the house (and I could see why you wouldn't want to sell just to break even and be paying off the kitchen loan for the next two years with nothing to show for it BUT there is a lot to be said for drawing a line under it and embarking on a fresh, new start) then moving back in and getting rent from a lodger seems like a sensible option.

What I would consider doing is putting a lodger's rent into a savings account for about six months so you have a bit of a cushion and then take a look at the situation and maybe by then you could give up that extra job. Sharing a home with someone of a similar age and life-style might open up all sorts of social possibilities as well. It could be good for you.

Anyway, it's good to see that you're sounding a whole lot more chipper and positive at the moment. Progress appears to be being made, so good for you gal!

[Deleted User]

skypie123 wrote: »

Regarding your house, buy a few throws, wack on a coat of paint, move things around and some new bedding and make it YOURS again! That way its not the same place it was when laddo was there. Thats what i did after I broke up with my ex. You'd be amazed at how different it can feel just by moving a few things about.
Hugs to you honey, you're doing really well! xxx

I think this is an excellent idea. Whatever your intentions at the time, if u did the majority of the work, its yours.., u chose the majority of the style of it, what went into it etc. I've been there and moving things around, some small redecorating and changing around not only is uplifting but may well enable u to re-identify with the house as yours. Don't think about what it could have been used for.., concentrate on the fun things u can do with it and in it. Enjoy the house and be proud of what u did with it. I know a lot of people wouldn't have been able to see such a big project thru. U deserve this house. Don't let your ex take it away from you. Don't give him that power, he doesn't deserve it hun. And then, in four or five years when house prices have gone up again, u can move when YOU want to, with a nice little bit of profit behind you that u earned.

All the best for the interview on Monday.

hieveryone

Just bumping for OP - how are you feeling today?