How do I move on from a relationship break-up?

Stephb1986_2

Hi Love, I haven't got much to say today really that makes a change eh! Just well done for not contacting him, If he really wanted to know about the hotel he would go there! Have you not heard of physic sally?? She's fantastic her and she's touring at the moment.

I've finally finished my packing today!! but still got to strip my bedroom walls

I'm not sleeping too well either at the moment really stressing about this holiday

I hope your ok love

Steph xx

Bubby

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

:hello: Hi ladies! Thank you for all your lovely replies. Notakid...my mum answered my mobile one night when I was too upset to talk, having just found out he'd been out on a date with someone else. She begged him not to contact me, told him I couldn't cope and she was worried I was going to commit suicide. He apologised for the hurt he had caused everyone and said he wouldn't contact me for a while.....he then phoned me three times the next day! :think:

Hmmmm you would think he would have backed off at this point:mad:

Hieveryone...yes, unfortunately, I would have him back in a heartbeat. I'd have his stuff packed and moved back into our house sooner than he could say his name! But on the proviso that he/we went to counselling to work through his 'demons' and ensure that he didn't get cold feet again and start to panic. I'm desperately thinking of his bad points to put on a list...but to be honest he's a really nice guy and I can't think of many...

1. He has commitment issues
2. He can be quite headstrong and stubborn and selfish;)
3. He would say quite cruel things during arguments that hurt (but doesn't everyone?) because he put himself first;)
4. He was quite needy and insecure, missing me when I went to work and
needing frequent reassurance that I wouldn't leave him unbelievable:mad:
5. He was a liar, constantly telling me how much he loved me and how excited he was about getting married...that can't have been true when he left so soon after getting engaged Yes he is a LIAR!
6. I worked two jobs and ran the house, doing all the cleaning, laundry and gardening, usually whilst he was at the gym, or swimming or cycling...yet when he left he basically insinuated I was boring as I had no hobbies..emm when exactly did I have the time?!! :mad: Talk about taking the pi$$
7. He couldn't cope when I was down after being made redundant. He would tell me everything was going to be ok and then get annoyed when I didn't instantly perk up. I was a surveyor...there are LOADS of us out of work in Northern Ireland and no jobs, so even if/when the market improves, competition will be fierce. This again screams SELFISH to me

So today is a new day! I haven't contacted the ex, nor has he tried to contact me after the email, text and three missed calls of yesterday. Maybe he just wants to know if the hotel refunded the deposit?! They didn't of course. I'm on a half day today as I'm getting my hair cut, then I'm in my part time job tonight. No rest for the wicked! :rotfl:The boss from hell went mad when the office manager told her I was on a half day...you would think I'd asked for a month off instead of three hours! I HAVE to get a new job and get out of here!

My friend in Surrey broke up with her OH around the same time ex left me. She's a LOT stronger as a person than me though. She had me laughing last night - she went to see a fortune teller. He told her she is going to meet someone and have three children, travel the world etc etc...if he hadn't cost £100 I'd go myself!! Not because I believe in any of that, but because it would give me a wee bit of hope, something to day dream about! :smileyhea

I hope everyone is keeping well this morning????

Good luck with the haircut, hopefully you and your friend can help to cheer each other up:)

and a big WELL DONE YOU for not contacting the loser:T

jackieglasgow

Bubby I thanked and unthanked you five times because I can't really thank you more than once, even though I would like to.

AW well done you are doing well. I would second what Bex said too, I have been with my husband since he was 17, and I was 20, and he has NEVER said anything hurtful to me no matter what we've argued about. I am more likely to be the name caller but even so, I would never say things which would deliberately hurt him, nor he, me. someone who loves you wholly would not do that. I think you have had a lucky escape, and I think that you will see this, in time.

On the subject of having him back, if this were ever to be on the table, I think the sensible thing would be to live apart and date again, so that you can look at the relationship with fresh eyes. But that is a long time in the future, if ever.

I hope your hair's looking lovely, and has cheered you up. When are you taking us clothes shopping?

Jackie X

maggied_2

Hi AW - not time for a big post but just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing. Great post from Bubby - you're doing great - look at how much stronger you're sounding from your first post.

One day at a time chick xxx

hieveryone

AW, well done on trying to stay positive and I hope the haircut went well?

Just another thought - and I don't think I'm alone in this - is that whenever I see anyone splitting up and getting back together, I always think 'it'll never last' - because most of the time (in my experience) it never does. There's always something tainted there, something niggling that is very hard to move on from.

I hope you continue to get over this guy!

jackieglasgow

You're right, Hieveryone. It's not a good idea to go back in life. Relationships which break down are very rarely ever repaired permanently.

Stephb1986_2

jackieglasgow wrote: »

You're right, Hieveryone. It's not a good idea to go back in life. Relationships which break down are very rarely ever repaired permanently.

I agree me and my OH had a major major argument just over a month ago after a few days we sorted things out but things still aren't the same if you know what I mean. I've withdrawn myself from him on purpose I'm alot more snappy in myself and I know this The argument was to do with his family so things still aren't brilliant

We only got engaged at christmas too but we've had alot of pressure recently I'm not sure if things will go back to normal

Steph xx

AlwaysWorking

:hello: Hello everyone! I hope you are all keeping well this morning? I got my hair cut yesterday...not as short as I had wanted but the hair dresser said it would make my face look 'too round' if I went any shorter, lol!!! So I feel a bit more confident. The funny thing is that when I went to work last night, three different people asked if I'd lost weight...so getting my hair cut must have made them relook at me! I'm still over weight (5ft2 and size 14 ), but am determined to lose more so I can regain a bit of my old confidence.

Today feels like a half day for me as I'm only in one job! Forgot to say, the estate agent eventually phoned back. I got the house three and a half years ago and completely gutted it (with the help of my AMAZING mum and our trusty crow bar!!)...it's now worth around £50,000 less than I paid for it. So if I sold I'd be able to pay the mortgage off, but have nothing to start again...and I'd still have a kitchen loan with two years to run! :rotfl: The other option is to let it out, but since I have zero equity (and would hazard a guess that the bank will err on the side of caution and say I'm in negative equity), I wouldn't get permission to let from the bank. Added to this, I REALLY love my wee house...I've worked bl**dy hard to make it nice and it would break my heart to have to part with it. I think maybe I'll start going and staying in it a few nights a week and try to build up to living on my own. I might even like it, lol!!!!

So how is everyone? Steph, are you getting excited about New York yet? I am on your behalf! I want to see lots of photos girl!!!! How are things going with your OH? I hope you work things out...I don't want us flooding the market with all these second hand engagements rings for sale!!!:rotfl:

Just got word this morning that I have an interview on Monday afternoon! It's quite a bit from home and less money than I'm on (which is very low to start with!) but I'd give anything for a new start. It'd be lovely to work somewhere that I don't have to be afraid of getting shouted at and I don't shake like a beaten dog when the boss comes near me! I'll have to go shopping for a suit and put it on the dreaded credit card as all my clothes are a few sizes to big now...lol, at the minute I have one pair of trousers, a pair of jeans and about five tops that fit...and I only have them because my lovely mummy bought them for me!

Anyway, enough of me rambling on! How is everyone else this morning?

p.s I just want to thank all of you for your help. Please never underestimate how much your support means to me. Everytime I've had a wobble I think of how annoyed you would all be with me if I rang/texted him and that has kept me going!! :beer:

Souk08

Good news on the interview lady! Sometimes a new start is just what we all need. I'm hungover this morning, off work for a week and out dancing last night with a gay mate which was great fun. Hon if you love your wee house then maybe getting back into it and getting a lodger for the cash is a good option. Living alone is not for everyone. Personally I love it and wouldn't live with anyone again but that's just me. If George Clooney was outside now banging on my knocker I'd tell him 'Look love I'll see you twice a week for drinks and sex, but you're not moving in, I like my own space'!!!!

You sound so much more positive which is good and aye we would be annoyed if you contacted him!!!

I took this expensive flat on when my ex was going to move in with me and the plan was that we would both get work and go halfers on it but that never worked out and I have struggled to pay it on my own but I have managed as I've kept applying for jobs and ultimately increased my salary three times in 2 years, still not loads but I manage and you will too.

Big Hugs XXX

skypie123_2

Regarding your house, buy a few throws, wack on a coat of paint, move things around and some new bedding and make it YOURS again! That way its not the same place it was when laddo was there. Thats what i did after I broke up with my ex. You'd be amazed at how different it can feel just by moving a few things about.
Hugs to you honey, you're doing really well! xxx