How do I move on from a relationship break-up?

Button21

Aw, the world is full of people, some good....some bad...some happy....some sad.

You are online just now and sitting at your computer, so are many other people. You are not alone in your sadness. In every life a little rain must fall. Be kind to yourself and realise you are not alone. Not everyone around you is happy, even if they appear so.

A year or so after my first relationship broke up, I was at a work Christmas party.....picture the scene.....happy couples, celebrating Christmas....me all alone......(these were the "perfect people" from my work - house, kids, husband.....basically "perfect"). Anyway, to cut a long story short, I was at the bar and TWO of the "perfect" husbands came onto me!! OMG! I saw their perfect lives in a completely different light from that moment on and was very happy to be going home alone, content that I wasn't some poor wife who's ideal husband was standing at a bar propositioning his wifes younger colleague!

(mind you, if you read my thread I am that wife now!)

Just something for you to think about when you think that the rest of the world around you are blissfully happy! xxx

Redman30

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

I'm glad everyone thinks I've done well today...I'm just sad things got so heated in our emails...I never thought we'd end up being so horrible to each other. But I guess that is part of the healing process. I'm excited at the idea of a weekend away seeing my best friend...I know she won't let me wallow in misery and will make me shake myself and have fun!

It really is part of the healing process, there has to be a little anger it's quite healthy. As other have said, this decision was taken because of his own personal demons, not you. You've done great over the last few days, but with the steps you're having to take you're bound to want a little cry every now and again - it's not a bad thing!

It'll be great for you to get away & see your friend too, you'll have a blast

AlwaysWorking

Kay_Peel wrote: »

He has a very clear idea of what he wants and doesn't want from a relationship. He has made up his mind that you cannot give him what he wants and needs - but that doesn't mean to say that there is anything wrong with you. There is someone out there for whom you will fit the bill perfectly and your ex is giving you the opportunity to find them. Good for him. I admire his guts in being upfront and honest with you within a few days/week of realising his mistake.

It sounds like he wants to give you the space to mourn everything you've lost (your future as a married woman, his love, the possibility of conceiving a child with him, being part of a couple, the dream wedding etc and so on) - but you won't let him.

Your mother, your counsellors, the people who care about you and the people kind enough to contribute to your topic are all putting it nicely when they say that you will start to recover only when you stop contact. I'm being more blunt - almost like I'm speaking to my younger self. (In fact, if I could give my younger self a good shake and a kick up the wotsit, I would!)

I'm really concerned that it seems to be you, not him, that initiates contact. Please, please, please do yourself a favour and stop texting him, or making appointments for him to see Relate, or expecting him to untangle the wedding arrangements, or bombarding him with angry emails, or expecting him to give you a post-mortem on what went wrong. He probably can't explain it - he could just feel it in his gut that it would end in pain and disaster. He did the right thing - now you must do the right thing, too.

Hi. Thank you for your post. I agree with parts of what you have said, but not the bit about him knowing exactly what he wants from a relationship. If that were true, surely he wouldn't have only have discovered I wasn't up to the mark 7 weeks after proposing? He had two years of being in a relationship before then to discover that...and the fact he would constantly tell me he loved me and that he had never been so happy can only lead be to believe that before he proposed he thought I was what he wanted. When he talked about the women he had been on dates with since leaving me he said they meant nothing as they weren't me.

I know you're right that I need to stop contacting him and, after the emails today, I have. But I wasn't always the one making contact - he also contacted me to suggest us going out to dinner etc and he always initiated the hand holding/physical aspect as I was too afraid of rejection, so I honestly believe he was sending out mixed messages. As for the Relate session, at the last one it was him, not me, who said that he wanted us to go again as a couple as he thought talking about his past relationships had been helpful. The counseller had said she was confused as we still seemed like a couple and he admitted (at that stage) that he still loved me.

All water under the bridge now as I need to look forward, not back.

whitewing

Bright, shiny new day for you, AW? What shall you do today?

Stephb1986_2

Wake up it's a beautiful morning let the sunshine in your eyes

Have a nice day love I'm thinking of you!

Love and hugs

Steph xx

AlwaysWorking

:hello: Hi. Thank you both for thinking of me.

I'm a little down after yesterday (but I haven't cried yet!)...I wish things hadn't gotten nasty in the emails. Ex is genuinely a lovely guy, it's just that he must have been hurt more than I thought by past relationships and is scared of committing again. It's not like he intentionally set out to hurt me by having an affair or anything.

Today is a busy day for me workwise - I'm in my day job to 5.15 and then I race to my second job for a 6-10.30 shift. I must also look at flights to see about getting a weekend away...I REALLY can't afford it, but I've the rest of my life to pay off my credit card and right now I really need something to look forward to!

How is everyone else this morning?

deedee71

Wow, look how positive your last post is......you're doing so well.

Money saving is a bit like being on a diet, so splurge for a while and then get back on track. It's all about treating yourself better to make yourself feel better!

Get the flight booked. :j

Stephb1986_2

I'm not too bad due to go to New York on Saturday but with the way the volcano is behaving they might cancel the flight

Steph xx

AlwaysWorking

Stephb1986 wrote: »

I'm not too bad due to go to New York on Saturday but with the way the volcano is behaving they might cancel the flight

Steph xx

Ooh, fingers crossed for you! I am sooo jealous!!! I've never been to America - we were supposed to go on a road trip down the west coast for our honeymoon...ex had bought travel books and planned where we would go. Maybe one day, huh? I would LOVE to go to New York, there seems to be endless things to see and do! The wedding co-ordinator at the hotel last night said that she thinks I should book a holiday for the date I should have been getting married...she said it will be very hard for me and I need something to take my mind off it on 'the day'.:o

Amanda65

When my (first) wedding was cancelled 5 months before the date (due to me finding out that ex was not only seeing someone else but that she was pregnant :eek:) it was my friends who got me through it. My best friend was at Uni in Bristol (yes, I was that young and stupid) and I had some great weekends with her - I was working so student life was an unknown to me.

On the day of the cancelled wedding, two friends and I were in a pub at the time I should have been walking down the aisle, toasting a lucky escape (although tbf I did cry a bit that day) and then went out on the town to celebrate that evening. Best friend and I then went off for a fantastic two week girly holiday later in the year as well.

You are doing so well - cancelling the wedding at the hotel was the worst bit for me - and it is still early days. Go and book that break to see your friend - if you put your stuff on Ebay as you should have done , you could have the money to go by the weekend