How do I move on from a relationship break-up?

Bubby

You go girl!!!:T

You sound like a new woman already. Yes he is NOT mr perfect in fact far from it!
Go and spend some time with your friend and every time you are tempted to contact him come on here for a distraction, in time he will probably realise that he made an awful mistake letting you go by which point you will have so much confidence and self worth that you will feel nothing but pity for him;)

We are all rooting for you:)

notakid

If he was a lovely man he would have gone with you to cancel the venue. Or even better he would have gone alone. Sorted out the mess he created.

Part of me wonders if he is loving this a little. Feeling so important, so needed. The centre of his own little drama without the nasty bits along with the warm glow of feeling that he is being a nice guy as he is being so kind.....

Someone needs to have a word with him. If he no longer wants a life with you, he needs to leave you alone. He can not repair the damage. It might be worth asking your Mom or another close relative to have a word.

Every time he contacts you he is twisting the knife. Part of me admires him for being true to himself, for calling of the wedding. He has done the hard part, he has had the fallout. He needs now to walk away and live with his actions, not try and become Mr Nice Guy.

BitterAndTwisted

I firmly believe that by trying to appear as Mr Nice Guy he's trying to assuage his guilt for really being Mr Great Big A-hole. Don't be tempted to play along with that game any longer: he's caused the damage and he should just bliddy-well sod off and leave you alone to heal. One day you'll wake up and be angry with him for how terribly he's treated you and that will be the day you know you are closer to getting better. That day WILL come, believe me

skypie123_2

What has happened sweetie, is far from the worst.
What would have been worse is if he had married you and THEN bottled it! You've had a lucky escape and somewhere out there in the world is Mr Perfect waiting for you to find him! And you will!
Your ex just wasn't up to the job. That isn't good enough for you because you deserve someone who is. So it's time to dust yourself off and work on yourself so that when you do find Mr Perfect (and he will never hurt you like this guy did!) you will be more than ready for him
xxxx

hieveryone

Oh and btw - I'm Scottish, so if you want to hear a 'wee Scots accent hen', phone me and I'll talk nonsense to you! LOL

Stephb1986_2

notakid wrote: »

Someone needs to have a word with him.

I will with my bloody foot up his backside!! :mad: men like him give other men a bad name.

Steph xx

AlwaysWorking

:hello: Hi ladies! Thank you for all your lovely replies. Notakid...my mum answered my mobile one night when I was too upset to talk, having just found out he'd been out on a date with someone else. She begged him not to contact me, told him I couldn't cope and she was worried I was going to commit suicide. He apologised for the hurt he had caused everyone and said he wouldn't contact me for a while.....he then phoned me three times the next day! :think:

Hieveryone...yes, unfortunately, I would have him back in a heartbeat. I'd have his stuff packed and moved back into our house sooner than he could say his name! But on the proviso that he/we went to counselling to work through his 'demons' and ensure that he didn't get cold feet again and start to panic. I'm desperately thinking of his bad points to put on a list...but to be honest he's a really nice guy and I can't think of many...

1. He has commitment issues
2. He can be quite headstrong and stubborn
3. He would say quite cruel things during arguments that hurt (but doesn't everyone?)
4. He was quite needy and insecure, missing me when I went to work and
needing frequent reassurance that I wouldn't leave him
5. He was a liar, constantly telling me how much he loved me and how excited he was about getting married...that can't have been true when he left so soon after getting engaged
6. I worked two jobs and ran the house, doing all the cleaning, laundry and gardening, usually whilst he was at the gym, or swimming or cycling...yet when he left he basically insinuated I was boring as I had no hobbies..emm when exactly did I have the time?!! :mad:
7. He couldn't cope when I was down after being made redundant. He would tell me everything was going to be ok and then get annoyed when I didn't instantly perk up. I was a surveyor...there are LOADS of us out of work in Northern Ireland and no jobs, so even if/when the market improves, competition will be fierce.

So today is a new day! I haven't contacted the ex, nor has he tried to contact me after the email, text and three missed calls of yesterday. Maybe he just wants to know if the hotel refunded the deposit?! They didn't of course. I'm on a half day today as I'm getting my hair cut, then I'm in my part time job tonight. No rest for the wicked! :rotfl:The boss from hell went mad when the office manager told her I was on a half day...you would think I'd asked for a month off instead of three hours! I HAVE to get a new job and get out of here!

My friend in Surrey broke up with her OH around the same time ex left me. She's a LOT stronger as a person than me though. She had me laughing last night - she went to see a fortune teller. He told her she is going to meet someone and have three children, travel the world etc etc...if he hadn't cost £100 I'd go myself!! Not because I believe in any of that, but because it would give me a wee bit of hope, something to day dream about! :smileyhea

I hope everyone is keeping well this morning????

Souk08

Morning AW, you sound better already and honey some of the above bad points are not small things you can just go, 'oh well' about. For example dealing with someone else's insecurities can be exhausting. I know, I've been there! Also the fact that he has 'commitment issues', what was he doing with you then?!!! Honey it's not about how NICE he is or how NICE you are, he didn't want to be with you and so that's a chapter in your life ended, and a new one starting. Oh and happy haircut XXX

Pinkfairywings

AlwaysWorking I have been reading your thread and can relate to a lot of what you are going through - although I wasnt quite getting married. I like your list of bad points and feel I could have written it myself! Think I may tweak it and steal it! Think my ex must have a scottish twin!

Hope you are feeling ok, I think you are being so strong especially working all the hours you are and not enjoying your main job!

BexInLondon

AlwaysWorking wrote: »

:
3. He would say quite cruel things during arguments that hurt (but doesn't everyone?)

No - not at all. I've been with OH for 3 years and he has never said anything cruel to me. He has upset me, but only because he doesn't always agree with me You don't need to be with someone perfect - indeed my OH had big commitment issues for a while, but don't settle for someone who says cruel things. It's not normal and it's not ok!

For what it's worth you sound like you're having to deal with something very traumatic, and in my opinion you're coping so well! I want to join the chorus of people shouting "no contact"! Don't feel guilty for being upset - what he has done would break anyone's heart. You will get through this though, and you will look back in years to come and be amazed at yourself! If you were my friend I'd be on the phone to him telling him to stay away for at least 6 months. If he needs his stuff back someone else will need to let him in.