Internet Infidelities

Jo_R_2

Did you answer the phone eventually or did he give up ringing?

Agree, the answering of phones is understandable short-term but not good as a longer-term strategy. Take some time to cool down (although being angry is normal) and then you can evaluate and reflect and work out what you're going to do next.

Button21

Hi everyone,

OMG....I am so surprised and humbled by everyone who has taken the time to repy! Thank you all so much! I honestly appreciate all the posts, good and not so good! I know you all mean well!

I didn't answer the phone until tonight - he has called and left messages over the past few days but I have ignored them. He left a message tonight saying he had banged his head quite badly - he works in a dangerous environment - so I thought I'd better call him back just incase he has been distracted and this happened as a result of what is going on at home. Situations can escalate quickly and seriously, so I thought I'd better call.

Anyway, he sounded ok. Not sure if the bump was a ploy to get me to answer coz he knows I am soft hearted when it comes to things like that. I think he did bump it but am not too sure to what extent. That is probably cruel to say though.

It didn't do my mental and emotional state of mind any good speaking to him though - I have coped ok these past few days not speaking to him and tonight I feel a mess again. House is a mess, tea dishes still in sink, still in my work clothes, kids just settled, toys everywhere! I'm in turmoil again!

He told me the woman has been emailing him (he had the cheek to forward one onto me telling me to sort it out coz he has tried!!.....idiot or what?? laughable actually!). Anyway, it turns out he has picked a right one here.....a complete bunny boiler who's been sending him teddy bear pictures and love hearts!!

Doesn't make the situation any easier though - my family as I know it is still in tatters!

Love to all

Button xxx

jackieglasgow

Och, Hugs to you Button, what a tattie heid! He does not deserve your time wasted on him. Why should you let your standards slip because of her, or him? Tell him he's made his bed and should bloody well sort it out himself! Go have a bath, leave the dishes 'til the morning, and try to sleep. X

woody01

skiTTish wrote: »

:rotfl:You are either single ,an ex or a soon to be ex :rotfl:

Absolutely not.
Been very happy now with the Mrs for 12 years.

It is just funny to see the typical 'bra burning' responses, and some telling her to leave him, when none of you actually know what is REALLY happening.
The bloke isn't here to defend himself, and you are taking the OPs word as gospel.

skiTTish

If feel soooo sorry for Mrs Woody ,If I were married to a MCP ,he would be wearing his bits for ear rings

*Louise*

woody01 wrote: »

The bloke isn't here to defend himself, and you are taking the OPs word as gospel.

Of course...there could be a completely reasonable explanation as to why he is exchanging explicit emails with his friends' ex. And that affair a few years back....yeah, there could be a good reason for that as well.

Silly us. :silenced:

OP - if you don't want to be treated like that, then don't put up with it. Stay strong, but try not to play games with him so you can keep the upper hand. It's a pity he is away just now when you guys really need to be sitting down talking about this, but I don't blame you for not wanting to speak to him, it really shouldn't be done over the phone.

Button21

But I'm not strong. no much wonder he did what he did. this is my reaction, not being able to deal with it, playing games by not answering the phone for a few days and being lulled into a false sense of "hey, maybe im stronger and better than I thought". Who am i trying to kidd.

Whats the saying..."stand at a door long enough and you'll be sure to hear something"......I look for these things and I find them.

Yip, posters can say unplanned baby, trapped etc. I am trapped too though. Trapped in this mess not being able to cope.

Button21

i don't like looking at people in the eye anymore becuase I don't know what they see.........can they see the real me inside? I might look ok on the outside but i am screaming inside. every day. i can deal with so many things in life, but dishonesty, deceipt and deception is something I can't. i have serious trust issues issues. i let myself down and am ashamed at myself.

picking up the peices again. if only i hadn't listened at that door i'd be in my oblivious little bubble......pretending that everything is ok when knowing inside it isn't.

Which is best though?? I don't know.

jackieglasgow

Button21, the fist thing you need to do Tuesday morning is call the doctor and make an appointment and go get some help. If you are not already suffering from depression then it sounds like it may happen sooner rather than later, and you have yourself and two children to look after.

The next thing is to stop thinking of yourself in these terms. You had every right to "look at the door" because he gave you reason to, through HIS behaviour. You have not done anything wrong. You love and trusted him, and he has betrayed that trust. Twice. Now you need to decide how to move forward.

If not answering the phone gave you a bit of temporary control over the situation, then that was the right thing to do at that time. Do not beat yourself up about it. Those words he uses against you are carefully chosen to cause maximum upset, and that's exactly what has happened. Do not allow his behaviour to destroy you.

Please please please call the doctor and get some support from your family and friends, you will get through this, but you will need some strength to make the decisions you need to make, as you cerntainly don't sound in the right state of mind at the moment. Take care of yourself. X

grey_lady

Button21 - 9 times out of 10 when people go looking for something like this its because their instincts are correctly telling them that something is going on such as their partner is being unfaithful. You can't ignore your own instincts.

I'm very sorry that you're going through this horrible situation right now, but how you're currently feeling, your anger, hurt, betrayed etc all these feelings will pass eventually.

You are not weak or pathetic etc, you're a loyal wife and mum who has been b***** hurt / shat on by her husband and you're entitled to feel very angry and confused. You're paranoid because your husband isnt showing you loyalty and you deserve better from him and if he can't be emotionally and physically faithful to you then you could well be better off without him.

If you want to talk to someone right now then please call the samaritians as they provide confidential emotional support 24/7 for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair 08457 90 90 90.