Creepy Man making life hard! LONG

brians_daughter

I am sorry you have been through this...what i will say to you is this

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST, BUT YOU CAN INFLUENCE THE FUTURE

Hwo would you feel if in 10 years time one of your now Brownies came to you and told you she had been through the same with this man?

Call the associations that heads the brownies/guides explain to them, phone the police. His CRB is out of date - and he is acting in an inappropriate manner

TBH if i found out any of the workers that were responsible for my son whilst he is at Cubs had not been CRB checked in the past 12 months (and I do ask - much to my Ohs dismay sometimes, seeing as my SIL is a cubs leader) I would have the association through every court in the land - my children are the most precious gift i have ever had the honour of - if i thought for 1 second that someone/organisation/group was putting them at risk i dread to think of how i would act. If i knew what/where you were I would make the call myself and inform the brownies/guides what was happening.

As harsh as this sounds.... if you do not act you are part of the problem. Dont be part of the problem, be the one who starts to find resolution.

He may have mental health issues, one of my nephews has Aspergers tendancies (not yet 'officially' diagnosed) but as his family we would not tolerate him making others feel this way. His illness is not a licence for him to treat ppl like this/make ppl feel this way

Ensure you're safe and ppl know where you are, what time you will be back, get a personal alarm, practice your screaming - whatever...just ensure youa re safe as well.

Your mum is correct. You need to contact the police. You need to find out how you can protect the kids that ultimately you are responsible for when they are at brownies/guides etc

Mojisola

He is doing something that the police should be concerned about - he is, and has been for years, stalking you. No-one should be made to feel to as uncomfortable as you have been. I'm shocked by the attitude of your parents and the other adults around you. They should have listened to you.

This man may well have mental health problems. That does not mean that you have to put up with being stalked!

fernliebee

I had a similar situation with a man following me to work (when I was 16) and getting on the bus with me, and then wondering around all day and then would follow me back to bus stop and get on same bus as me etc, always sit near me, escalated quite quickly and he started talking to me etc. Like you at first I was polite, but then he started asking me some disgusting questions and saying some really odd things, so I said I didn't want to talk to him anymore, I would move away from him etc, sit near the driver. Then one evening I went babysitting down the road from my house, it was summer so still light (otherwise my mum would have got my brother to walk down with me.) This guy started to call me over so I just ignored him, but he started shouting more aggressively and saying I had to talk to him, he needed me etc blah blah, I decided to run- he started to chase me making all sorts of threats etc. Luckily I was too quick and made it into the house. But he started banging on the door and the lady I baby sat for answered and told him to **** off and rang the police. They came out a few days later to take a statement and said he was known for doing this to women (oh great!) and that they would go and warn him off, but I must tell them if he did anything else. After that I saw him a few times and he would stare at me but never said anything more, and he stopped following me at least.

TBH sounds as if your stalker would maybe need a bit more force to stop altogether but the police do tend to take things like this quite seriously, especially as you have a lot of others to verify your claims. Maybe you could ask your friend (who he said about seeing naked) and the scout leaders wife/ some of the parents, someone from the church etc if they would mind you giving their names to the police too.

Grebe

You must go to the police babe, for your own safety and the safety of the kids in your care.
The advice mrcow has given you is 1st class.
One of the best things you can do is FORGET being polite, good manners go to the wall in these situations. You are under no obligation to speak to this git, and when pushed into speaking to him yelling " f*** off " in a good loud aggressive manner might make him back off. It won't fix things but it will give you some space.
Once again, go to the police, tell them what you have told us.

AliasGirl

I agree that I have a responsibility to protect the children and inform the authorities. I should probably say that MY CRB has NEVER been checked (but my latest one was done last September) so there is complacency going on to say the least. I can't help for the next three weeks (ill due to stress) and I've decided to right a full account of what has happened and my concerns to the Scout Leader and a demand that this man be told he is not welcome there (he has NO reason to be there, he isn't a parent or leader or helper just an odd job man) and when I return I expect this to be dealt with and steps be put in place to safeguard the children, I will send copies to whoever is appropriate also.

BTW - this man has also applied to become a licenced theatre chaperone (the ones who mind child performers backstage) *shudders*. The scout leader refused to give him a reference. But yet lets him hang around the kids???????

AliasGirl

Grebe wrote: »

You must go to the police babe, for your own safety and the safety of the kids in your care.
The advice mrcow has given you is 1st class.
One of the best things you can do is FORGET being polite, good manners go to the wall in these situations. You are under no obligation to speak to this git, and when pushed into speaking to him yelling " f*** off " in a good loud aggressive manner might make him back off. It won't fix things but it will give you some space.
Once again, go to the police, tell them what you have told us.

I am so scared of him. Someone was told me that when you confront stalkers that is when they become most dangerous. So I just avoid eye contact and walk past him, refusing to acknowledge he is even there.

tired_mum

As A scout Leader i urge you to speak to your Group Scout Leader if you have no joy PLEASE PLEASE call the scout association and voice your concerns over CRB and his behaviour will come back in a min with the number ok number for Gilwell Park HQ is 020 843 37100 you should have a membership card that came through with your scouting mag you can quote that PLEASE CALL SOMEONE IN AUTHORITY for your sake and others

foreign_correspondent

yes, you have to do smeething - if not for your own sake, certainly for the kids involved - if you intend to have a future working with kids it is especialy important that you take your responsibility to do this seriously, as child protection will undoutedly be a dilemma that raises it's ugly head throughout your career. The scout leader sounds rather naive; however, you are in possession of the facts about this man and his behaviour - if you do nothing, and he later went on to abuse a kid who is more vulnerable than you were (some kids would be flattered by the attention, sadly, if they get none at home) you will have this on your conscience.

AliasGirl

tired_mum wrote: »

As A scout Leader i urge you to speak to your Group Scout Leader if you have no joy PLEASE PLEASE call the scout association and voice your concerns over CRB and his behaviour will come back in a min with the number ok number for Gilwell Park HQ is 020 843 37100 you should have a membership card that came through with your scouting mag you can quote that PLEASE CALL SOMEONE IN AUTHORITY for your sake and others

Thank-you, I will. But I should point out this man is not officially anything to do with the scouts, he isn't present with the kids whilst a meeting is on etc. He is an odd job man and he has no reason to be there on an evening or weekend. He is supposed to fix things during the day (the leader lets him in) when the kids are at school and not be around them (except for the gang shows). The other night when he was there when the children were in the scout leaders wife told him the Scout Leader was with the Scouts and to wait outside. At this stage, I could leave, but there is no way I am leaving and letting him still be there.

foreign_correspondent

AliasGirl wrote: »

I agree that I have a responsibility to protect the children and inform the authorities. I should probably say that MY CRB has NEVER been checked (but my latest one was done last September) so there is complacency going on to say the least. I can't help for the next three weeks (ill due to stress) and I've decided to right a full account of what has happened and my concerns to the Scout Leader and a demand that this man be told he is not welcome there (he has NO reason to be there, he isn't a parent or leader or helper just an odd job man) and when I return I expect this to be dealt with and steps be put in place to safeguard the children, I will send copies to whoever is appropriate also.

BTW - this man has also applied to become a licenced theatre chaperone (the ones who mind child performers backstage) *shudders*. The scout leader refused to give him a reference. But yet lets him hang around the kids???????

Please, you need to report this to the police - not just the scouts - otherwise he could offer to help at another youth group, another church etc.. and even an enhanced CRB will not show up the fact there have been concerns in the past unless the police have been informed there are concerns.

If you want to work with kids, you will have to face this sort of issue again - it may be a volunteer, a colleage, or a parent next time - it is never easy, but as adults who care for kids we have to have the backbone to deal with this, otherwise our lack of action puts them at risk.

I would not enter into any sort of confrontation with this man, just avoid him when you can, but you must talk to the police about your concerns...