sister taking the pi$$

lauren_1

concerned43 wrote: »

Ras - she has not been diagnosed with bipolar, she thinks she may have bipolar!
thanks again for all replies - they all help! I have him tonight again and will wait to see how long it takes her to collect him. I have looked at bipolar and think she ticks some of the boxes:-
1) she is always on edge - she can't sit still for one minute, she is constantly pacing the floor, I thought this was due to her taking speed (she said she is using it in order to lose weight)...and yes I did go through the roof when she told me that and I have read up on the drug and it says it surpresses the appetite, so made sure she came over for dinner everyday so I could make sure she was eating, she promised she would not take it again! Do you honestly believe she has stopped? how does her skin look? does she look a heck of a lot worse than what she did a year ago?
2) she talks non-stop, quickly and loudly. Again, do you honestly think she is off drugs? the urge to palm her son off for hours on end may stem from her urge to get wasted or high.
3) she does not wash - nor does her son (I make him shower now when with me).
4) her house can only be described as squalid, I gutted the place two weeks ago - took me 4 days, and found dirty dishes hidden in cupboard (they had been in there at least a month) takeaway food lying all over the floor, broken wine bottles on the floor + plus cigarette butts + clothes etc. Went into her house yesterday and its back to the same squalor.
5) she makes rash decisions - one minute she is staying at home all night - only to learn some guy has asked to meet up with her and she leaves the house at midnight (son staying with someone else when this happens) and does not come home next day - had to phone police last time it happened as I thought she had come to harm.
I am glad I started this post because up until then I had not taking all the small things and put them into the bigger picture that is now emerging. I thought I was dealing with a selfish layabout who cares only for herself but now I think there is more to it.

I really think by what you have described that drugs may be involved at some degree as well as a mental health issue

ERICS_MUM

lauren_1 wrote: »

I really think by what you have described that drugs may be involved at some degree as well as a mental health issue

Good point, it might be that a drugs problem could have affected her mental health rather than the other way around.


Linda xx

viktory

concerned43 wrote: »

my younger sister (single parent) to a 8 year old and since moving closer to family i have often had to look after him, did not mind to begin with but the 'baby sitting' is getting beyond a joke - I look after him 4 days a week and over the last two weeks she is getting back later and later. Yesterday I had him 8 hrs only to find she had been at home all day with some man :mad: and today I picked him up from school as she did not turn up and can't get a hold of her...she was going shopping this morning in town and still not back (how long does it take to shop)?
I am thinking of going over to her house and letting myself in to see if she is there - tho if I found her there either alone of with someone I am likely to go mad. So not sure what to do?

Stop babysitting. I would. Simply refuse all requests and when asked why, point out that she is extracting the urine.

You are allowing your sister to take advantage.

gizmo111

Theres a lot of talk on this thread about the OP fostering her nephew and preparing her son for his cousin coming to live with them. This is purely specualation at this point - we don't even know if the child has a social worker. We son't know when push come to shove how the father would react and if he would want the boy long term.

OP have you contacted anyone today to voice your concerns? This has to be your first call - you are a long way from removing the child from his mothers care without the intervention of SS, and equally you cannot foster without SS assessments.

meritaten

concerned - your sis may have bipolar disorder but - and its a big BUT - her symptoms may also be because of drug misuse.
I have experience of bipolar disorder and that does NOT mean that the house is squalid or kids are unloved and neglected. it could be that she has an extreme form of it - but from what you say - she is probably a victim of her lifestyle, not a mental disorder.
whichever!!! the main thing is the lads well being. I am sure you only have his best interests at heart and will do the right thing by him.

concerned43

thanks again for your advice..my head is spinning. Sister picked him up at 5pm and said she had cleaned her house. I am going to speak to her Friday - at work 'till then and hopefully i will have a clear head by then. I also booked a doctor's appointment for her (two weeks time). I plan to go with her to the appointment so she will not be able to pull the wool over my eyes. I have also arranged to have my nephew stay over the bank holiday weekend to see how my son and he get on living under one roof.

meritaten

concerned - it sounds more as if your head is on straight!!! keep us posted as I am so concerned about this poor kid I may well offer to foster him myself! kids can cope with dirty houses and poor lifestyles if they know they are loved! this kid knows who loves him - and it doesnt seem to be his parents!
at least you love him - that comes through loud and clear. just dont let your sis snow you into taking over his care while she keeps the money!

gizmo111

concerned43 wrote: »

thanks again for your advice..my head is spinning. Sister picked him up at 5pm and said she had cleaned her house. I am going to speak to her Friday - at work 'till then and hopefully i will have a clear head by then. I also booked a doctor's appointment for her (two weeks time). I plan to go with her to the appointment so she will not be able to pull the wool over my eyes. I have also arranged to have my nephew stay over the bank holiday weekend to see how my son and he get on living under one roof.

OP - re the docs appointment is this something your sister has agreed to?
Why are you testing how your nephew and son get on?
Have you spoke to the school?
Re the house cleaning how long will it last - a bit of polish will not eliminate the risks and neglect that this child is suffering, there are serious child protection issues here and you need to contact professionals, you are not qualified or in a legal position to keep this child safe.

floss2

gizmo111 wrote: »

OP - re the docs appointment is this something your sister has agreed to?
Why are you testing how your nephew and son get on?
Have you spoke to the school?
Re the house cleaning how long will it last - a bit of polish will not eliminate the risks and neglect that this child is suffering, there are serious child protection issues here and you need to contact professionals, you are not qualified or in a legal position to keep this child safe.

But she is looking after the boy on a day to day basis because his mother CBA / cannot / will not do so herself. Would YOU stand by and see your own nephew left with people the way the OP has seen her nephew left by his mother? And yes, I believe from other threads that you are a professional - but these boys are cousins and where is the issue in them spending a weekend together? The OP has already mentioned that her son has some learning difficulties, which may affect his comprehension re his cousin's welfare and why his cousin spends time with them - what is wrong with allowing them to spend time together and for the OP to explain in a way her son will understand why his cousin spends so much time in his home? Perhaps the OP will learn more in this weekend than in any other period.....we don't know.

All we can do is offer advice to the OP, and it is up to them whether they take it. No-one on here has the right to tell anyone else what to do, whether they are a child protection specialist, benefits advisor, teacher, parent or any other person.

gizmo111

floss2 wrote: »

But she is looking after the boy on a day to day basis because his mother CBA / cannot / will not do so herself. Would YOU stand by and see your own nephew left with people the way the OP has seen her nephew left by his mother? And yes, I believe from other threads that you are a professional - but these boys are cousins and where is the issue in them spending a weekend together? The OP has already mentioned that her son has some learning difficulties, which may affect his comprehension re his cousin's welfare and why his cousin spends time with them - what is wrong with allowing them to spend time together and for the OP to explain in a way her son will understand why his cousin spends so much time in his home? Perhaps the OP will learn more in this weekend than in any other period.....we don't know.

All we can do is offer advice to the OP, and it is up to them whether they take it. No-one on here has the right to tell anyone else what to do, whether they are a child protection specialist, benefits advisor, teacher, parent or any other person.

There is no issue in them spending a weekend together - the Op says that it is to get them used to living together - this cannot happen if at all until she finds out what involvement SS have with him. I'm not telling her what to do it is entirely up to her , but skirting around the issue will not help the boy at all.