sister taking the pi$$

meritaten

concerned if SS have been involved in the past then i suggest you phone them and ask to speak to the careworker concerned.
as for the fostering suggestion - do you love this child and want whats best for him?
If you do then the other concerns can be worked out with the help of social services. they dont expect you to be the 'perfect' parent you know. blood relatives and someone the child knows and trusts will be given priority. your son may be jealous as he may think his cousin has a home to go to - but if explained properly he may accept him living with you..
my heart bleeds for this poor kid - no-one wants him! I bet he feels like a nuisance at home and when he is with you, you are watching the clock wondering when his mum is coming for him. no disrespect hun, Ive been there - been asked to mind the kids for an hour and eight hours later you realise youve been had again!
your sisters life is no life for a child. he may well be better off in a foster home even if it isnt yours. harsh??? well, he seems to think your home is better than his mums his dads etc - you really are his only stability. and thats what this kid needs.
I would get in touch with SS they arent the enemy, and even if he did get sent to a diff foster home you can arrange to keep in touch.

concerned43

Hmm - you guys have given me a lot to think about. I will look into fostering but would need another bedroom as the two boys can't share - my son has learning difficulties and bedtime has always been a problem for him which means i am with him 'till he falls asleep and then have to check him through the night so sharing isn't an option. I deal with SS through my work sometimes so maybe look into that too - but I will tread very carefully as I would not like him in a foster home.

[Deleted User]

Yes, as SS's have already been involved, I'd speak to them. If you can get to be an official foster parent.., u would be given some money to help support you all. Re the debts.., SS's won't be too bothered about that, and probably not the lack of a spare bedroom. They may even help u get bunk beds etc. If one of the bedrooms is a larger one, perhaps the children could take that one. I've seen children living quite happily in accommodation that was hopelessly small.

Children (even early teens) are very adaptable. If u can point out the advantages very clearly to him of having your nephew live with you.., he might be more amenable to the idea. If u can make it clear u are still his mum, that that will remain unchanged and reassure him, it might be more acceptable to him.

Honestly, most situations are resolvable. I know it sounds like I'm just prating on about an ideal world, but i have been there.

meritaten

concerned43 wrote: »

Hmm - you guys have given me a lot to think about. I will look into fostering but would need another bedroom as the two boys can't share - my son has learning difficulties and bedtime has always been a problem for him which means i am with him 'till he falls asleep and then have to check him through the night so sharing isn't an option. I deal with SS through my work sometimes so maybe look into that too - but I will tread very carefully as I would not like him in a foster home.

are you sure that sharing isnt an option?

my grandson was a real terror at night! he just wouldnt sleep alone and insisted on going into his parents bed at night. for months they resisted my suggestion of gettin the dog to sleep in his room.
eventually out of sheer desperation they tried it! the dog accompanies grandson to bed and stays at bottom of the bed, grandson goes to sleep and dog goes downstairs - job done! its working so well the dog only has to stay ten minutes now!
you may find that someone sleeping with your son reassures him. it may work out better than you imagine. why dont you suggest a sleepover and see how it goes? i bet your sis would love the idea.

gizmo111

I would start with the school as your son goes to same school you will be a familar face. Ask to speak to the child protection lead worker, which is quite often the head in priamary schools. They will most likely not discuss in great depth any issues they know of but will pass on your concerns if there is already a social worker involved, and if not will make a new referal with you present. Do you know if the case went to child protection or if stayed low level child in need?
Ask your sister to agree to you discussing the situation with a social worker and to sign an agreement to say this is the case, so that you understand and are aware of what is happening. SS will contact the father.
Has your nephew talked about things at home? Does he seem sad or wary about going home? In the meantime keep a close an eye on him as you can.
It seems on the surface to me a high risk CP case with all the factors contributing to emotional harm - DV, neglect and substance misuse, alcohol misuse inappropriate partners etc - but I'm not there so am only making the assumption over the internet.

best wishes

gizmo111

deannatrois wrote: »

Yes, as SS's have already been involved, I'd speak to them. If you can get to be an official foster parent.., u would be given some money to help support you all. Re the debts.., SS's won't be too bothered about that, and probably not the lack of a spare bedroom. They may even help u get bunk beds etc. If one of the bedrooms is a larger one, perhaps the children could take that one. I've seen children living quite happily in accommodation that was hopelessly small.

Children (even early teens) are very adaptable. If u can point out the advantages very clearly to him of having your nephew live with you.., he might be more amenable to the idea. If u can make it clear u are still his mum, that that will remain unchanged and reassure him, it might be more acceptable to him.

Honestly, most situations are resolvable. I know it sounds like I'm just prating on about an ideal world, but i have been there.

If the child is fostered either by a family member or registered carer then SS are responsible for equipment, beds car seats etc. The allowance covers clothes, food etc and also and extra element for xmas and birthday (known as festival payments now to cover all religions, cultures)

The assessment wouldn't be worried by mangeable debts or neccasarily 2 boys sharing a room as they are family members and of a young age. Worried COULD be that someone was doing it for the money only, which in itself is laughable as the amount isn't huge - around £143 per week for an 8 year old, or that repossesion is immeniemnt and the family may have difficulty relocating.

Stephb1986_2

What does your parents think about all this with your sister? This will sound awful but it has to be said she shouldn't of opened her legs if she didn't want a baby/child/teenager/adult she should of thought about the concequenses before all of this and I know we all make mistakes but what she is doing to that little boy is disgusting. How we are treated by are parents/guardians is how we are shaped into adults and if he's getting treated like this by his own mum at this age god knows what he's going to turn out like (I'm not saying he's going to be a hooligan but there is a possibility) I bet he feels pushed from one place to the next and no one wants him like you said in a previous post that his dad has a new wife 2 kids and another on the way he doesn't even have his own bedroom and your sister isn't interested when she should be loving and nurturing him it's almost like she is punishing him for her mistake.

Maybe have a word with your parents about it and see if they can talk some sense into her before this little lad does a runner. At 8 years old they aint stupid and know full well whats going on. I feel so sad for him he shouldn't be treated like he is getting treated.

Thank god he has a aunty like you to look after him atleast he has someone who cares for him and loves him. He probably prefers you too compared to his mum and dad. Obviously you can't take him in as your circumstances aren't the best but atleast your there for him when he needs you.

I wish there was something I could do to help please keep us updated

Steph xx

gizmo111

This will sound awful but it has to be said she shouldn't of opened her legs if she didn't want a baby/child/teenager/adult she should of thought about the concequenses before all of this and I know we all make mistakes but what she is doing to that little boy is disgusting.

She was 15, not an age to think of long term consequences or make rational decsions.

Stephb1986_2

gizmo111 wrote: »

She was 15, not an age to think of long term consequences or make rational decsions.

He was planned!!! at 15 she knew full well what she was doing and if she didn't then she shouldn't of been having sex.

Barneysmom

Stephb1986 wrote: »

He was planned!!! at 15 she knew full well what she was doing and if she didn't then she shouldn't have been having sex.

It's not the time for recriminations, the lady needs advice....
I hope it all works out for you and the children.