sister taking the pi$$

Pollycat

concerned43 wrote: »

my younger sister (single parent) to a 8 year old and since moving closer to family i have often had to look after him, did not mind to begin with but the 'baby sitting' is getting beyond a joke - I look after him 4 days a week and over the last two weeks she is getting back later and later. Yesterday I had him 8 hrs only to find she had been at home all day with some man :mad: and today I picked him up from school as she did not turn up and can't get a hold of her...she was going shopping this morning in town and still not back (how long does it take to shop)?
I am thinking of going over to her house and letting myself in to see if she is there - tho if I found her there either alone of with someone I am likely to go mad. So not sure what to do?

The title of your thread shows that you know your sister is taking advantage of you.
Not only for the child-sitting but maybe also for feeding her and her son:

concerned43 wrote: »

Her son plays with my son so in order to avoid I would need to make sure DS and I were out and is not always practical esp. after school as we're both at school gates and they all come home with me to be fed etc.

I wouldn't go round to her house, I'd just wait for her to collect him and tell her calmly but firmly that you're no longer willing to look after him.
Be truthful, tell her she is taking advantage of you and you're not going to put up with it any longer.

The only alternative is to carry on doing it.

Woby_Tide

concerned43 wrote: »

I look after him 4 days a week

concerned43 wrote: »

she only has her DS 4 days a week as he spends the rest with his father.

So she only has her son 4 days a week and he spends all those days with you instead? Does the father know this?

ChrisCobra

Jeremy Kyle is the only man for this job.

RAS

concerned.

Following Woby's comment; your sister is not just taking the pee, she does not appear to be interested in being a mother in the real sense of the word.

I am going to put this very bluntly.

She does not work but by being the parent with residence she is entitled to benefits for herself and the child, her housing and council tax paid and maintenance from her ex and is a priority case for social housing.

Without the child she loses her chance to social housing, gets a very reduced income on benefits and a much reduced Local Housing Allowance.

If she can get you to provide free meals for the child and free child care she has a higher income than is justified by her responsibilities and the time off to lead a single life.

You obviosuly care for your nephew but I think you need to have a talk to his father, unless he is a waste of space.

concerned43

Took the boys to the park and en-route home stopped off at her place to find she was not there. she came in to collect nephew at 7pm (claims she has been shopping for 9 hours) told her she is taking the mick and that it won't happen again - she shrugged her shoulders, mumbled something under her breath, said she was really tired and going home to bed.
She is a lazy mare who thinks about only herself, with regards to benefits she has been told she will need to come off IS this year and onto JSA - she told them that she was going to have another baby! AND SHE MEANS IT! The father is unapproachable and has remarried and has 2 other children and does not spend much time with his son.
Anyway - I told her what I thought tonight but suspect it went in one ear and out another. many thanks for your replies, if nothing else it made me feel better getting it off my chest.

babyshoes

Just wondering if you have any idea why she is doing this? As you suspect, she may just be taking the P, but there could be other issues. If she has a boyfriend, he may not get on with son, in which case she needs to sort it out and see the b/f on the days she doesn't have son and gently get them used to eachother if b/f is going to be long term. She could also be struggling to cope with something or several things in her life - does she work at all? Might she be depressed? How young is she? Was the son planned or not?

Only you know the situation well enough to know if you can discuss this with her, and either say 'no' or set a limit (eg I can take him one day a week, but no more because...) or help and support her through whatever her problems are.

Whatever you decide to do, I would suggest you don't confront her in the heat of the moment - rather call her up later, perhaps on a day when son is with Dad, and say something like "I got really worried the other day when you left <son> with me for X hours, and it made me feel pretty angry when you picked him up so late without an apology. What happened?" If you can say that without getting angry again, hopefully you will be able to have an adult conversation and sort something out with her.

Good luck! I hope you manage to sort it out. Hopefully you will find that she has a genuine reason for doing it, and is really grateful to you for helping her out by babysitting so often...

[Deleted User]

I am assuming that u care a lot for your sister's son. What is your first concern.., her son or that you are being taken advantage of? Its the most difficult question in the world but I think one u have to ask yourself.

I am wondering, if, after u've had a calm conversation with her like the good suggestion above - if u get no-where if u could ask for guardianship of him. If she says no.., u have little choice but to start withdrawing from the present 'arrangement' otherwise u'll end up with two children to look after and no time to develop a family life and relationships of your own.

Personally I'd be looking at possibly reporting the situation to SS's., out of concern for her son. Or at least cutting down the time u spend looking after him. In fact, I'd do it straight after the conversation so hopefully she thinks again before getting pregnant again. Her son deserves better.

concerned43

Babyshoes - she has at least three B/F - none of them has met her son as she usually sees them when son is at fathers. She had the baby at 15 and it was planned as she wanted to keep (ie trap) BF. I cannot fathom her out - she likes to live life on the edge and chooses the most unsuitable men, drug users/dealers/alcoholics/criminal records (she likes the bad boys) and has no moral compass at all - which is amazing considering we all come from the same parents who are devout christians and were very strict when we were young. I believe she is an alcoholic also - tho she denies it but she does binge drink 3 nights a week and has landed in A&E many a time. Don't really know what else to do other than make sure my Nephew is alright.

concerned43

deannatrois - my nephew is my main concern 'cause if I don't feed him - there's no guarantee she will!

Barneysmom

And if your say anything, she just might cut off your contact with him altogether....?
It does look like like you are stuck with the situation for at least a while till the little boy is old enough to get his own key.
I bet he feels you are the only stable thing in his life and loves you to bits, so hang on in there, people like you are angels - be proud of yourself xxx