Brother thinks he's getting a raw deal with rent - What do you charge your children?

brokeinyorkshire

CharliLynx wrote: »

Hi guys,

An additional piece of information: A few weeks ago, my mother "cut him off" and refused to do anything without money up front. In response to this, my brother caused upwards of £600 worth of damage to the house. He is a violent person, although has never been violent towards people and his response to things going wrong is to present violent reactions and destroy things.

So, what do you charge adult children to live with you? Are my parents charging about right?
Also, what would you do to "make my brother see sense", because everything we've tried is not working!!

He's a loose cannon.

I lived with somebody like that.

First the rages targeted my property and then it escalated to my pets, then me!

Your parents should kick him to the curb!!!

My adult son lives with me and he has far too much respect for me to ever behave like that!

Sorry to sound harsh but he will never see sense while he is being allowed to behave in that way with no consequences!

brokeinyorkshire

meritaten wrote: »

everyone seems focused on the financial aspect - this person seems to me to be mentally ill. doesnt anyone see that? for gods sakes - he needs help.
you - as his sister - get him help, I cant diagnose him I am not a psychiatrist, but I think he has a real issue here.

I disagree!!

He acts up because he CAN.

There are no consequences for his actions so he gets away with it.

I hate to see bad behaviour excused away by calling it ' mental illness'

meritaten

are you all so SURE that its not a mental illness? you are SURE this young man isnt suffering from a mental disorder?
yet, you all agree his actions arent normal. I brought up the issue of a mental illness because the OP offhandedly said 'he has always been violent'. then blithely dismissed that. why?
is violence normal in that household?
to me his actions indicate there is something wrong - either in the young mans mental processes or in the household. and i have the funny feeling thats why the OP hasnt posted back. it would be a whole different reation on the thread if OP had said the brother was schizophrenic wouldnt it? or that the dad regularly trashed the house wouldnt it?

thorsoak

meritaten wrote: »

are you all so SURE that its not a mental illness?

No - it'a not the young man who is suffering from mental illness - he is exhibiting excellent survival skills - it is his parents who must be mad to let him get away with it!

Pollycat

meritaten wrote: »

are you all so SURE that its not a mental illness? you are SURE this young man isnt suffering from a mental disorder?
yet, you all agree his actions arent normal. I brought up the issue of a mental illness because the OP offhandedly said 'he has always been violent'. then blithely dismissed that. why?
is violence normal in that household?
to me his actions indicate there is something wrong - either in the young mans mental processes or in the household. and i have the funny feeling thats why the OP hasnt posted back. it would be a whole different reation on the thread if OP had said the brother was schizophrenic wouldnt it? or that the dad regularly trashed the house wouldnt it?

Nobody can be SURE that this person is NOT suffering from mental illness, just as you can't be SURE that he is.

Pollycat wrote: »

Let's not give this guy the excuse of 'mental health issues' - at least until that is proven or established by someone who knows him.
The OP did not, in the one post made on this thread, mention that this brother has mental health issues.
He IS - to quote the OP - a violent person

What is clear is that everyone considers his behaviour appalling - and yes, it's not normal.

You may think his actions indicate something is wrong, but to me (and the majority of other posters) his actions indicate a spoiled, selfish brat who expects to live at home but not pay his way.

It almost certainly would have been a totally different reaction if the OP had said the brother was schizophrenic - but the OP DIDN'T say that.
And the OP DIDN'T say that the Dad regularly trashed the house.
So those two comments have no relevance at all to the situation as the OP described.

Let's not speculate on 'what-ifs' - all we have to go on is what the OP has written - which doesn't mention mental illness or disorder.

aliasojo

meritaten wrote: »

are you all so SURE that its not a mental illness? you are SURE this young man isnt suffering from a mental disorder?

Advice is offered based on the information given. If a mental disorder was in existance, then in all likelihood the OP would have mentioned it.

I would also find it hard to accept this young man reached the age he is now with no-one picking up on the possibility of a mental disorder being present so personally, my feeling is that this is down to testosterone fuelled temper and possibly an overinflated feeling of self worth.

Errata

aliasojo wrote: »

Advice is offered based on the information given. If a mental disorder was in existance, then in all likelihood the OP would have mentioned it.

I would also find it hard to accept this young man reached the age he is now with no-one picking up on the possibility of a mental disorder being present so personally, my feeling is that this is down to testosterone fuelled temper and possibly an overinflated feeling of self worth.

Or drugs ?????

Pollycat

Errata wrote: »

Or drugs ?????

Quite possibly, although as with the 'mental illness/disorder', the OP has not mentioned drugs.

However, drugs might explain the paranoia the OP says he exhibits.

CharliLynx wrote: »

He is saying that this is far and above what he should be paying (his "calculations" come to £33 a week). He claims that any evidence that my parents produce (reciepts for the PAYG gas/electric, or food) are rigged, saying that my parents have purposefully paid out more to bump his prices up and that we are "ganging up on him".

Equally, any contribution my parents ask him to make beyond the rent (for example, they drive him to work and back every day - no public transport here - which totals 30 miles a day and so they ask for some petrol) sends him into a total decline about how much they are charging him and how unfair it is.

aliasojo

Errata wrote: »

Or drugs ?????

Pollycat wrote: »

Quite possibly, although as with the 'mental illness/disorder', the OP has not mentioned drugs.

However, drugs might explain the paranoia the OP says he exhibits.

My gut feeling is that he's just a !!!!!! tbh.

I realise his behaviour is extreme but then males of this age can be, simply because of the testosterone bursts they can experience. Couple that with perhaps slack discipline and drugs don't even need to be on the list of possible reasons.

lvader

I charge my 19 year old £200 a month, it would have been £250, but I let her off £50 if she puts £100 a month in savings.