#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

patchwork_cat

Agree with what another poster said about on the rugby pitch - although footie remember Zidane and the sending off after a nasty comment about his mum? If your son doesn't learn to control his temper the consequences for him as an adult could well be an ABH charge.

Some people have mentioned the hit back if you are hit first - there is an issue with doing this. You are in a playground with 100 kids say and you see out of the corner of your eye a scuffle you turn just in time to see Freddy punch Jimmy - infact Jimmy had already punched Freddy and that is what drew your attention, but what you saw was Freddy punching Jimmy - which child is told off?

That is why I have always told my kids don't punch back - at least not straight away!!

patchwork_cat

southend wrote: »

its depressing, i symathise with you. My son is 12 now, he is being physically and verbally assulted in scholl in and out of lessons, the teacher admits he is the victim, yet he is being told to leave the class and not the bullys, i asked why and they said there was too many other boys , my son was the easiet to remove. He missed out on his education, put in a small room, they was concerned about his safety getting home so they asked year11 children to bring my son home to make sure that he is safe. They did not consider phoning me. This has been going on since he started secondary school, he has red hair that doesn't help. He has been told if hew hits them back he will be excluded. One asian boy got off, one white boy got one break detention. Bearing in mind this has happened virtually every day at school etc someone please help

I sympathise, and whilst some people don't agree, - red head bullying is rascist. My DD has red/blonde hair and has had the teasing which we tried to nip in the bud (hopefully worked no teasing for over a term), but IMO it is rascist it wouldn't be OK to comment on some one's colour so why is it OK to tease about red hair.

I would advocate him taking one of a few tacks - make the joke first and become the funniest or turn the tables and make them the butt of the joke( potentially risky!)or just plain ignore them. That is ofcourse if it isn't violent. I would also advocate becoming very good at a martial art - you may get some kids that think they can take on teh black belt in Karate, but mostly they won't - your son shouldn't boast about his Karate status, but let it be known!

In the meantime yes you need to take this to governors, heads, LEA all the way to stop it.

pinkshoes

Put yourself in the shoes of the bully, and question why he's doing it.

Usually bullies come from a rubbish home life, or are lonely as they have no friends, so they bully people instead, usually to get attention.

By physically attacking the bully, your son was just rising to the bait, and giving this bully what he wanted.

Your OH shouldn't be encouraging violence. It's not just schools that have bullies; you find them in ALL walks of life, so he certainly shouldn't be taught that punching someone is a solution.

He needs to learn to calm down, not react, and walk away.

Bullies generally only pick on those who react i.e. violence or crying. If people don't react, they don't bother.

Paradigm

pinkshoes wrote: »

Put yourself in the shoes of the bully, and question why he's doing it.

Usually bullies come from a rubbish home life, or are lonely as they have no friends, so they bully people instead, usually to get attention.

By physically attacking the bully, your son was just rising to the bait, and giving this bully what he wanted.

Your OH shouldn't be encouraging violence. It's not just schools that have bullies; you find them in ALL walks of life, so he certainly shouldn't be taught that punching someone is a solution.

He needs to learn to calm down, not react, and walk away.

Bullies generally only pick on those who react i.e. violence or crying. If people don't react, they don't bother.

I don't think I've ever read as much politically correct drivel in one post!

ailuro2

Raksha wrote: »

I take it you've never been bullied then.

Feel free to make all the assumptions you like. I know it's something I can do, reacting to what someone has written on a forum.


Children learn by the way they live, I'm sure someone will jump in and call that tosh too, but it's what I believe, and an opinion I'm entitled to.

If, for example, a parent is throwing stuff around to get their own way and maybe to discourage others from expressing their opinion, how will the kid learn how to behave any differently? He can see it works at home! Also if he is treated this way at home, don't you think it may manifest itself in 'incidents' as a way of seeking help and drawing attention to himself?

If one parent recognises the other is a bully but doesn't want to acknowledge/see that the child may copy that behaviour (e.g. being physically destructive when they don't like something) how is the school meant to deal with this situation if the parents can't stop what is going on...will it escalate and happen again? What does the the school do when they keep excluding the kid and it has no impact?


In later years how will the kid be able to cope working in a world of grown ups when faced with what could just be a bit of verbal jousting when they have learned to retaliate to 'a bit of verbal' with physical aggression??

The root cause of the problem needs to be looked at here, if the name calling etc. is ongoing at school then he needs to get help in dealing with that. If his aggression is at snapping point because of another situation then that needs to be dealt with. From the thread Coolcait mentions it doesn't look like that is currently happening.

Best Wishes, I hope you get it all sorted out before it gets more serious.

mernieth

bullies are only bullies until someone bests them. be it through the system, or until someone stands up and punches them down.
but with school bullies - the system is either stronger than them, or their victim is.
what you have to decide here is - battle the system or get the system onside or go outside the system.
any option isnt easy.
but they have all been done
dicide which way you want to go hun.

Emmzi

Paradigm wrote: »

I don't think I've ever read as much politically correct drivel in one post!

I don't think I've ever seen a totally closed mind summed up so well, in so short a sentence.

Paradigm

Emmzi wrote: »

I don't think I've ever seen a totally closed mind summed up so well, in so short a sentence.

But I'm still right

LondonDiva

Raksha wrote: »

Hi folks, sorry I've been off line with a migraine (first one in 6 months, I wonder why?)

Firstly, my son is not normally a physical person - he'd rather sort out a problem with a good discussion, but he's been encouraged by his Dad to thump them (this probably won't surprise anyone following on from Jojo's post).

I asked for family counselling from my Dr, but apparently it's not available in MK on the NHS, although I have been for my preliminary counselling session and been given some information on somewhere we can go, but a) it's not on the NHS and b) we need to be able to go at the same time every week, which isn't possible as OH works shifts.

The report of events is as I was told my the assistant head of year and collaborated by independent witnesses, it's not my sons version.

He has been seen by CAHMS who say there is nothing they can do, and he's had sessions with Connexions at school, which he describes as 'useless because all they do is get me to talk about my feelings'....

If he didn't thump the bully, he'd burst into tears with frustration. He's a very kind, loving and sensitive soul. and like another poster's son, keen on his rugby.

I have seen the schools anti bullying policy, but to be honest, it's all 'fluff'

If it's important enough to you, you'll make time for it. If your OH can't make it, then you go and take your children. The problems seem to be escalating and you don't seem to be taking a proactive stance on this.

I'm referring you to my post in reply to your previous thread on this issue.

There was information on other non NHS counselling for your son

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.html?p=29654227&postcount=61

A quick google also shows a range of other places to get counselling in Milton Keynes, give them a call or email and then come back with soem feedback:

Relate Family Counselling MK http://www.mkweb.co.uk/relate/DisplayArticle.asp?ID=21583

http://www.counsellingworks.co.uk/
http://www.chameleoncounsellingmk.co.uk/

COUNSELLING AGENCIES
Bedford
Bedford Counselling Centre
Individual open-ended and time-limited counselling for adults aged 18 and over.
Fees from £15 to £41 (reduced rates for those on low income)
Bates House, 12 Foster Hill Road, Bedford MK40 2EN
Tel: 01234 346077 www.bedfordcounselling.co.uk
Luton
Dunstable and Luton Counselling Service
Self-referral. Fees charged according to income.
Hilde Eccles House, 70/72 Princess Street, Luton LU1 5AT
Tel: 01582 732450
Milton Keynes
Farthing House Counselling Centre
Run by MK MIND. For anxiety, anger management, stress, phobias, emotional, physical and sexual abuse, relationship problems and loss. Fees on a sliding scale.
Counselling session £10, £5 for those on benefits.
74 Farthing Grove, Netherfield, Milton Keynes MK6 4HH
Tel: 01908 667055


Milton Keynes Family Mediation Service
City Counselling Centre, Milton Keynes. Tel: 01908 231293
http://www.citycounsellingcentre.org.uk/

Debt_Free_Chick

You can also search for a therapist on the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy website.