#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

Raksha

By 'blow' I mean they choose their victim and target them, and the power they exert can take many forms.

jellyhead

Raksha wrote: »

He has an exit card because he finds it so hard to deal with the bullying and stuff in class that sometimes he just has to walk out.

I asked our GP about autistic spectrum, and it was he who arranged for the lad to meet with CAHMS, who said there was nothing they could do to help (I was at that meeting).

It was CAMHS that the school sent my son to about possible autism/dyspraxia too, in addition to the stabbing incident. CAMHS said they didn't think he was autistic 'enough' for a diagnosis and I can see why they said that, it's because he can learn from things that happen, and isn't quite as inflexible as he used to be. Some autism traits are in the dyspraxia list too. I'm not suggesting that your son is dyspraxic though, simply saying that sometimes kids can seem autistic but not be quite bad enough to get a label.

We had parents evening last week and his science teacher said some of his comments make her suspect autism. This aspect of his personality means that he sees things in black and white, and having a conversation about 'why' or 'feelings' is like getting blood from a stone. In his mind the bullies are bad people, and they made him angry, therefore it's their fault he stabbed them. It worked too - they've never physically touched him again, so it's a result. It's difficult telling him that stabbing them was the wrong thing to do.

Like your son he also decides that things are 'pointless' - that there's no point talking to staff, going to the pastoral office etc. because 'nothing will be done about the bullies'.

Luckily he liked the CAMHS person and enjoyed his sessions with him. He now says he can see that violence isn't the best choice - but this isn't because he doesn't want the bullies to be stabbed, it's simply because he has made the connection that he will be harshly punished for violence, and he doesn't want to be expelled, or go to prison as an adult.

At least he now says he'll talk to people, or maybe just me, about any future bullying, instead of reacting fast with violence. He couldn't anyway, he's tiny and weighs almost nothing. Weapons are his only way to get one up on the bullies, and I wanted that nipped in the bud straight away before he started getting thoughts about actual weapons rather than the compass he just happened to have in his hand at the time.

School have been such a help for us, I can't praise them enough. Will they be able to help you with anything? We had a pupil support plan, where he had targets to meet, such as joining a lunchtime club, spending time with others after school etc. and we met with his teacher every month or so.

It's because of this support plan that the dyspraxia assessment is going ahead, because I didn't think the CAMHS person saw enough to assess that. He is also going to be allowed to type in some lessons, write on every other line in other classes etc. and best of all he is allowed to change seats if the person next to him is annoying him :T

pigpen

Raksha wrote: »

By 'blow' I mean they choose their victim and target them, and the power they exert can take many forms.

but the school are only interested in the physical so your son is playing right into their hands by lashing out first.

Raksha

I think he realises that now.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

Hmmm, i have told my daughter if someone hits her she can tell them not to do it again or she'll hit them back twice as hard, and then to tell a teacher what she has said so that the teacher is aware she has been hit and won't accept it again. It's too easy to say walk away and ignore it - and too easy just to hit back. This is how i used to deal with it when i was a child and it worked, may be seen as wrong, but it did work.

southend

daska wrote: »

Firstly, make/keep a diary of everything that happens from now on. Write to the Head and ask what steps they are taking to prevent your son from being bullied and to guarantee that he does not miss out on his education as a result of being bullied. If you've already tried that then write to the Head of Governors. He is entitled to an education, the school should not be removing his education due to other's behaviour.

Thank you so much, i was so worried i might not be listened to, i was really worried because they wouldnt listen before. I had written a diary to a degree and that did go in our favour

i went to the school today and had another meeting with the head of year, they have confirmed that my son is totally innocent. It was a suprise as there are so many involved i thought he was hiding something, yet i knew the truth. We are now being listened to, i have heard most children in my sons tutor group have been bullied by the same bunch. They are seeing all their parents this week, introducing short term measures ( end of term ), they will move my son out of French and put him into German lessons, only agreed as he likes German. They are taking action but only time will tell. Son up again till 2.30am again and up by 5.30 -6.00am terrified about the day. School is very concerned about special measures that are about to hit this school, dont want me to go to the education authority, hence why they are turning it into a trust. They now tell me they have now got certain clubs i didnt know they, install some confidence etc and as a last resort counselling will be offered. Hopefully it will work out but atleast since September they are now listening and they knew he did not feel safe at school.

Thank you to everyone, he feels listened to now and that people care. He is not a violent child, but could of become one with anger issues. He wasnt coping and it has been like hell in here, i was starting to fall apart.
As someone states bruises go away, emotions such as fear dont, not completly. With time they he might now, we all get bullied at some point in our lives, its our coping stratergy that can make or break. When anyone is that low for so long, its not easy to get up and many dont.

southend

pigpen wrote: »

Oh bullies don't do not always make the first blow.. far from it.. they whittle away at the confidence and self esteem until the victim can take it no longer and lash out in anger or shame or sheer frustration... said bully then wails VERY loud about the injustice of it all.

I was also bullied very briefly, continual name callin, spitting on, hair pulling etc.. it was a group of children in high school .. I went for the ringleader and pummelled them half daft.. I was very tiny and the main bully was very untiny! but I was just at the end of my tether.. I had spoken to staff and even the head and nothing had been done and I was not going to be miserable in my one sanctuary from my bullying father!

100% right thats whats happened to my son, not as brave as you though.

I am so proud that you can talk about it today,well done

southend

jewelly wrote: »

It might be better to start your own thread to get advice as you may be overlooked on this one as it's about another person's problem.

im sorry if i have offended you, i am still very new at this and hope i am in the right area, if i am not please say so

southend

S1976 wrote: »

I think if this is every day and he is being physically abused, tell the school you intend to take pictures and keep a diary of every time he comes home with a mark on him, (phone the school and let them know everytime aswell) from these boys and from there you intend to take the matter futher be it the police or seeking legal advice from a solicitor.

Hope it works OK soon for your lad

Had already done above, not solicitor, if it wasnt for all of you i wouls not of been able to hold it together in order to help my son

Thank you, hopefully their implements will now work, next term will be the tester as this one is virtually over

Raksha

Hi Southend, just to let you know I'm thinking of you and your son. I wish I could take pictures of my son's misery.