#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Or make excuses, just as those that are made for an older person in the equation.

It's not his fault, they made him do it because their room was messy/he threw the food because I answered him back/he'd be angry/what can I do, nothing works/but the person saying something made him do it/but he's been told to hit back/a word is just the same as a punch.

None of which will be good enough if, as I tried to point out more delicately earlier in the thread, someone's big brother stabs him for picking on his little brother or your son loses the plot and kills someone by throwing a chair at their head/shoving them into the road and they get hit by a bus.

It doesn't have to be this year - it might be that they catch up with him when he's 18 and on his way home from the pub. Or he continues in the same pattern and kills someone himself in a rage when he's 18.

Bullying in the home, as well as in school, destroys lives in many different ways. A victim can become an abuser, or can continue as a victim.

Spend the money that would have gone on chocolate/unnecessary food on getting help.

Good luck.

Fire_Fox

Raksha wrote: »

Bully called the lad a name, so #3 son pushed him up against a wall and thumped him (drew blood by all accounts ) The child concerned is in the same year as #3 son, but #3 son is physically a lot bigger than his peers.

Raksha wrote: »

I don't think it should go unpunished, but he's been putting up with this for nearly 2 years in this school and all that seems to happen is he gets excluded when he lashes out. He has an exit card from lessons, but this incident was in the playground at lunchtime.

You probably have already thought this yourself but you must find a way to break the cycle of your son learning from your OH. You should NOT be making excuses for your son's violent reaction, why? Because eventually it will get him expelled from school or college or sacked from the workplace or a conviction for assault. Unjust situations, teasing and even bullying happen throughout life, but violence is never the answer as the minute you lose control the other party has won.

What has happened within school so far? Has there been a diary kept of incidents? Has every one been reported in writing so the school can see how your son is constantly under pressure? Even if this does not work the first few times you must keep complaining in writing, escalate the complaint past the head teacher if necessary. Alternatively take your son out of that school and send him to another, if he has been excluded twice then surely disruption is preferable to being expelled??

southend

daska wrote: »

Sadly this isn't always the case. It should be! DS1 didn't report the bullying he was experiencing at his current school because bullying was never dealt with at his last school and he didn't think it would make a difference. Why did he leave his last school? Because he was punched in the face. Did the school have a 'bullying problem'? Allegedly not, but having since spoken to another couple of parents it seems DS1 was not alone and all reports of bullying had been dealt with by being ignored - no official record means no problem...

i have done this at my sons school but pupils in bothe my sons and other kids classes are even so out of control that they are able to throw chairs accross the room and then they may have to have detention, its like a breeding ground for violence. Obviously some teachers do have control, but sadly not many

woody01

I sympathise, and whilst some people don't agree, - red head bullying is rascist

What a ridiculously ill-informed comment. It's nothing to do with 'some disagreeing' when you are totally wrong.
Since when has being a ginge been race related?

The Best Way To Deal With Bullying
My daughter is disabled but goes to mainstream school, and as children can be cruel, she was called a few names relating to her disability.

The teachers had a word with the offender - no change
The head had a word with the offender - no change
The school spoke to the parents - no change (they are complete peasants)

Anyway, i had enough!
I am 6ft 2ins and 15 stone so quite imposing.
I found out where the people lived and knocked on the door. The chief gorilla (dad) answered so i was polite and requested that he puts his foot down with his son (scummy offspring). The dad thought this was amusing and said he didnt care.
No more Mr Nce Guy!

I put one foot inside his front door and told him in no uncertain terms, that the next time his child bullies mine, i will come round and bully him (the father), twice as hard as his son bullies my child.

Guess what...it's stopped

Minxy_Bella

woody01 wrote: »

What a ridiculously ill-informed comment. It's nothing to do with 'some disagreeing' when you are totally wrong.
Since when has being a ginge been race related?

The Best Way To Deal With Bullying
My daughter is disabled but goes to mainstream school, and as children can be cruel, she was called a few names relating to her disability.

The teachers had a word with the offender - no change
The head had a word with the offender - no change
The school spoke to the parents - no change (they are complete peasants)

Anyway, i had enough!
I am 6ft 2ins and 15 stone so quite imposing.
I found out where the people lived and knocked on the door. The chief gorilla (dad) answered so i was polite and requested that he puts his foot down with his son (scummy offspring). The dad thought this was amusing and said he didnt care.
No more Mr Nce Guy!

I put one foot inside his front door and told him in no uncertain terms, that the next time his child bullies mine, i will come round and bully him (the father), twice as hard as his son bullies my child.

Guess what...it's stopped

Sorry but my gut reaction to this, is 'well, bully for you!'

Ironic, hey?

patchwork_cat

woody01 wrote: »

What a ridiculously ill-informed comment. It's nothing to do with 'some disagreeing' when you are totally wrong.
Since when has being a ginge been race related?

The Best Way To Deal With Bullying
My daughter is disabled but goes to mainstream school, and as children can be cruel, she was called a few names relating to her disability.

The teachers had a word with the offender - no change
The head had a word with the offender - no change
The school spoke to the parents - no change (they are complete peasants)

Anyway, i had enough!
I am 6ft 2ins and 15 stone so quite imposing.
I found out where the people lived and knocked on the door. The chief gorilla (dad) answered so i was polite and requested that he puts his foot down with his son (scummy offspring). The dad thought this was amusing and said he didnt care.
No more Mr Nce Guy!

I put one foot inside his front door and told him in no uncertain terms, that the next time his child bullies mine, i will come round and bully him (the father), twice as hard as his son bullies my child.

Guess what...it's stopped

And how much could this have backfired ? I understand your frustration, but that was a very risky strategy and could have well ended up with a much worse situation. Your DD's school failed her - had a word! exclusion or expulsion are the answer. Until schools have zero tolerance it will continue, unfortunatley bullying is endemic and also people have differenet definitions of what constitutes bullying.

As for the red hair bullying being a race crime - I think it is yourself that is ill informed. How is bullying someone with red hair different to rascism is it not based purely on their genetic phenotype? TBH I think your description of your actions and your personal insults make me think that you are in fact a bully ironically!

flybynight

i was a bit of a scrapper at school and would fight back very readily. i would also defend anybody smaller / weaker than me against the gobby little bullies.
unfortunately this got me in trouble, as if the schools tight head prop hits weasly little rat kid who has been teasing, poking name calling other kids for months, its the rugby player who gets in trouble.
Problem was this then led onto me getting goaded into fights with others who were trying to prove something and make a name for themselves. only stopped when this was explained to me by my coach at the rugby club who basically said "look it isnt fair, but its the way it is. same as if you get caught decking people on the pitch who've had you with a sly dig when the refs not looking he's gonna ping you for the retaliation. Teachers aint so bright, they are gonna side with the little kid coz he looks weaker, only thing you can do is stand there and take it. If he hits you first then by all means wipe the floor with him, if its just name calling, stand and laugh at him and remember this will be winding him up even more. it happens all through life you may aswell get used to it now."
took a good year or so to break the cycle of people having digs, as i had already set myself up as an easy reaction.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

woody01 wrote: »

What a ridiculously ill-informed comment. It's nothing to do with 'some disagreeing' when you are totally wrong.
Since when has being a ginge been race related?

Has it occurred to you in your testosterone fuelled world that the colour of someone's hair, skin and eyes is generally a consequence of their ethnic origin?

Red hair is the result of autosomal inheritance. Just like afro hair. Or brown hair. There are very few alleles carrying the code for 'afro' texture hair in Swedish/Sami, Pictish or Celtic bloodlines. But there are a lot of alleles carrying a red hair code (or to be more accurate, not carrying a code for brown or blonde hair). The skin colour is different to other people's too - it tend to be much paler and often freckled - as is eye colour.

Originally, a genetic advantage was conferred upon people who carried this particular karyotype - perhaps, being most likely Nordic, the paler skin meant a greater amount of Vitamin D could be absorbed in an environment with lower intensity and duration of daylight. Conversely, the darker skin tones of people from areas receiving a considerable amount of solar radiation had an advantage in providing some protection. Over many generations, these specialisations became part of the usual human genotype of the location - something which eventually came to be referred to as a race or ethnic origin.

You may feel that picking on someone with 'white' skin on the basis of the colour of their hair is completely different to insulting someone who has 'black' skin because of the curliness of their hair.

But on a genetic level, you are doing exactly the same thing.

************

You are fortunate to be in the position of being the biggest bully. However, had the events you describe turned out with you being arrested or 'gorilla' (one of the more peaceful members of Homidiae, btw) happened to have a firearm stashed behind his coats, you would have been in just as much trouble whether you were 6'2" or 2'6".

Omniaural

I signed up because I couldn't let this pass without comment.

I've just read this through this thread and can't believe how some people have reacted to the OP!

She seems able to acknowledge that her son's actions weren't right but is looking for help on how to tackle the verbal and psychological bullying her son is receiving.

Instead she all she gets in response are people bullying her!

In what world is it right to turn on someone who has humbled themselves enough to look for help.

The few voices that show some understanding of what her son is going through are treated as if they are advocates of violent behaviour! In reality, they are just saying the kid should take charge of his own life where the responsible adults have failed him.

Her son's behaviour is in danger of becoming a pattern, but until she can get some advice on how to get the school to stop him being provoked then do you suggest he just stands there and takes the abuse?

Believe me, physical injuries heal much more quickly and easily than the ones left behind by verbal or psychological abuse.

Some of the people on here should take a long hard look at their behaviour on this thread. Presumably you're all here to find ways to duck responsibility for paying back money that wasn't yours anyway so who are you to judge!

Her son has something to learn, but at least his excuse is he's a young adult who has to deal with a not ideal home situation along with everything else your teen years throw at you. What's yours!

patchwork_cat

Omniaural wrote: »

I signed up because I couldn't let this pass without comment.

I've just read this through this thread and can't believe how some people have reacted to the OP!

She seems able to acknowledge that her son's actions weren't right but is looking for help on how to tackle the verbal and psychological bullying her son is receiving.

Instead she all she gets in response are people bullying her!

In what world is it right to turn on someone who has humbled themselves enough to look for help.

The few voices that show some understanding of what her son is going through are treated as if they are advocates of violent behaviour! In reality, they are just saying the kid should take charge of his own life where the responsible adults have failed him.

Her son's behaviour is in danger of becoming a pattern, but until she can get some advice on how to get the school to stop him being provoked then do you suggest he just stands there and takes the abuse?

Believe me, physical injuries heal much more quickly and easily than the ones left behind by verbal or psychological abuse.

Some of the people on here should take a long hard look at their behaviour on this thread. Presumably you're all here to find ways to duck responsibility for paying back money that wasn't yours anyway so who are you to judge!

Her son has something to learn, but at least his excuse is he's a young adult who has to deal with a not ideal home situation along with everything else your teen years throw at you. What's yours!

Whilst I agree with you about the bullying nature of posts in this thread and particularly this area of the forum I must take you to task about your last but one paragraph - MSE is about so much more than reclaiming bank charges!! It is about maximising your money (in many ways from bargain hunting, OS living and best investments to name just a few), learning how not to be ripped off and gaining knowledge - not necessarily taking all advice offered!