#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

ailuro2

Raksha, I can call someone many names and they will still be able to walk away, if I thump them I can break their nose/jaw, cause permanent damage, it's been known for people to die from an unfortunately landed punch.

Teach your boy to keep his hands to himself then you'll have less to worry about.

Verbal abuse is not to be taken lightly, but it's consequences aren't so awful, as you are finding out...

Raksha

ailuro2 wrote: »

Verbal abuse is not to be taken lightly, but it's consequences aren't so awful, as you are finding out...

I take it you've never been bullied then.

daska

ailuro2 wrote: »

Verbal abuse is not to be taken lightly, but it's consequences aren't so awful, as you are finding out...

What a load of tosh! Verbal abuse can result in victims committing suicide - how is that 'not so awful'!?

southend

Raksha wrote: »

Bully called the lad a name, so #3 son pushed him up against a wall and thumped him (drew blood by all accounts ) The child concerned is in the same year as #3 son, but #3 son is physically a lot bigger than his peers.

its depressing, i symathise with you. My son is 12 now, he is being physically and verbally assulted in scholl in and out of lessons, the teacher admits he is the victim, yet he is being told to leave the class and not the bullys, i asked why and they said there was too many other boys , my son was the easiet to remove. He missed out on his education, put in a small room, they was concerned about his safety getting home so they asked year11 children to bring my son home to make sure that he is safe. They did not consider phoning me. This has been going on since he started secondary school, he has red hair that doesn't help. He has been told if hew hits them back he will be excluded. One asian boy got off, one white boy got one break detention. Bearing in mind this has happened virtually every day at school etc someone please help

S1976

All through school I was bullied and picked on, called names etc so I can understand how your son may have been emotionally pushed to a limit where his anger and frustration over took him, I think it's important to understand that calling abusive names and harrassing someone is as bad (and I think as illegal) as your boy assulting this lad but yes two wrongs do not make a right as you said. The simple truth here is - your boy should have never been pushed to that limit in the first place, and so where does the blame lay here, really .... If the bully had been reported to the school and they have followed procedure as all schools should and the bully has continued then in my eyes both boys should be excluded until some sort of middle line can be drawn - initially this would be down to the school to decide how. But on no account should one boy have been expelled without the other as this so called bully now knows he can continue to get away with name calling ....

Paradigm

Constant verbal "bullying" can make life intolerable for adults let alone children/young teenagers!

I've known people quit jobs because they couldn't handle it! Bullying is bullying whether it's verbal or physical, one isn't better than the other.

Having been in a similar situation recently with my own 14yo son, "keeping your hands to yourself " is just too simplistic.

While violence isn't something to be supported or encouraged, constant verbal abuse can lead to severe depression & utter misery & some individuals will "snap"... my boy has been there!!!!

Is it right to give someone a smack? Generally no!

Unfortunately, in my experience of these situations, it works 99% of the time.... especially in a school envoironment.

Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself or your life could be made hell & unless you have been there yourself or have witnessed what this can do to a child... don't judge!

jewelly

southend wrote: »

its depressing, i symathise with you. My son is 12 now, he is being physically and verbally assulted in scholl in and out of lessons, the teacher admits he is the victim, yet he is being told to leave the class and not the bullys, i asked why and they said there was too many other boys , my son was the easiet to remove. He missed out on his education, put in a small room, they was concerned about his safety getting home so they asked year11 children to bring my son home to make sure that he is safe. They did not consider phoning me. This has been going on since he started secondary school, he has red hair that doesn't help. He has been told if hew hits them back he will be excluded. One asian boy got off, one white boy got one break detention. Bearing in mind this has happened virtually every day at school etc someone please help

It might be better to start your own thread to get advice as you may be overlooked on this one as it's about another person's problem.

S1976

southend wrote: »

its depressing, i symathise with you. My son is 12 now, he is being physically and verbally assulted in scholl in and out of lessons, the teacher admits he is the victim, yet he is being told to leave the class and not the bullys, i asked why and they said there was too many other boys , my son was the easiet to remove. He missed out on his education, put in a small room, they was concerned about his safety getting home so they asked year11 children to bring my son home to make sure that he is safe. They did not consider phoning me. This has been going on since he started secondary school, he has red hair that doesn't help. He has been told if hew hits them back he will be excluded. One asian boy got off, one white boy got one break detention. Bearing in mind this has happened virtually every day at school etc someone please help

I think if this is every day and he is being physically abused, tell the school you intend to take pictures and keep a diary of every time he comes home with a mark on him, (phone the school and let them know everytime aswell) from these boys and from there you intend to take the matter futher be it the police or seeking legal advice from a solicitor.

Hope it works OK soon for your lad

Treacly

It's up to the adults (parents, teachers) to lead by example here, and labelling children either 'bullies' (everything they do is BAD) or 'victims' (everything they do is INNOCENT) helps no one. They're all just children, learning by trial and error how to behave. I felt that I was bullied at school, and spent many years of my early adulthood feeling aggrieved about it, but the I grew up and realised I was no angel - I remember making hurtful remarks to other children (as jokes, so I thought), to gain or keep popularity, to make myself look better - truth is, all children are capable of much better and much worse than we realise, and the best way to handle these disputes is above all to avoid blame, finger-pointing and yah-boo your lad's picking on my lad. Easier said than done, granted, but kids will never learn to treat each other with kindness and respect unless they see adults do the same. Raksha, I'm sorry your lad's having a hard time at school, but I can imagine the mother of the lad he hit feeling every bit as upset as you. I hope it calms down as they mature and come to concentrate on learning, not maintaining the playground pecking order.

daska

southend wrote: »

its depressing, i symathise with you. My son is 12 now, he is being physically and verbally assulted in scholl in and out of lessons, the teacher admits he is the victim, yet he is being told to leave the class and not the bullys, i asked why and they said there was too many other boys , my son was the easiet to remove. He missed out on his education, put in a small room, they was concerned about his safety getting home so they asked year11 children to bring my son home to make sure that he is safe. They did not consider phoning me. This has been going on since he started secondary school, he has red hair that doesn't help. He has been told if hew hits them back he will be excluded. One asian boy got off, one white boy got one break detention. Bearing in mind this has happened virtually every day at school etc someone please help

Firstly, make/keep a diary of everything that happens from now on. Write to the Head and ask what steps they are taking to prevent your son from being bullied and to guarantee that he does not miss out on his education as a result of being bullied. If you've already tried that then write to the Head of Governors. He is entitled to an education, the school should not be removing his education due to other's behaviour.