#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

vixarooni

I disagree with debt free chick. I know violence isnt in the answer but if youre getting bullied all the time by one person sometimes its the only way to exert some power instead of staying silent and taking it for years like i did! I doubt this boy has a anger problem, i think thats over exaggerating! He isnt going around hitting anyone that comes within swinging range!

sneezyboots

He has been excluded before and has an exit card from lessons. sounds like someone needs anger management to learn how to control their feeling, emotions and reactions.

Debt_Free_Chick

vixarooni wrote: »

I disagree with debt free chick. I know violence isnt in the answer but if youre getting bullied all the time by one person sometimes its the only way to exert some power instead of staying silent and taking it for years like i did! I doubt this boy has a anger problem, i think thats over exaggerating! He isnt going around hitting anyone that comes within swinging range!

I didn't suggest that the bully's target stay silent and take it. But violence is not the answer - it's just physical bullying!

Unfortunately, the bully's behaviour is now secondary as physical violence is a far more serious "offence" than simple name-calling.

Yes - bullies need to be dealt with. But not with a punch in the gob!

snowmaid

dmg24 wrote: »

The OP's son has not been a punch bag. Be careful not to confuse the issue as it could take the thread off topic.

Whilst I do not condone bullying of any sort, nor do I condone violence (doing so will inevitably lead to problems later in life). I think asking for a CAMHS referral would be an excellent idea. They tend to be very helpful, and will work with the child, the parent and the school.

I'm afraid I don't agree. her son has been a punch bag, a verbal punch bag. If you have someone name calling you day in day out, most likely in front of other children, don't you think that that is humiliating? At least if you are hit, one can hit back and say he hit me first, but throw a punch after perhaps weeks of name calling and you are called the bully?

Verbal abuse can be just as damaging, if not more so, than a punch.

Spendless

vixarooni wrote: »

I disagree with debt free chick. I know violence isnt in the answer but if youre getting bullied all the time by one person sometimes its the only way to exert some power instead of staying silent and taking it for years like i did! I doubt this boy has a anger problem, i think thats over exaggerating! He isnt going around hitting anyone that comes within swinging range!

No but he has been excluded twice for physically retailating against 2 seperate people verbally abusing him. It can only be in the OP's son best interest to learn to deal with this more effectively which would stop him being excluded andalso let school concentrate on punishing the person starting it.

OP- Is he being name called about the same thing or an issue that he is particularly sensitive about (you don't need to say what it is).

mernieth

raksha - you mention your son is large for his age? could this be why the school think he is the bully here?
because someone is small doesnt mean they arent a bully. if you believe your son was bullied beyond endurance then stand by him.

snowmaid

mernieth wrote: »

raksha - you mention your son is large for his age? could this be why the school think he is the bully here?
because someone is small doesnt mean they arent a bully. if you believe your son was bullied beyond endurance then stand by him.

This was the situation with my son. He is a really big boy for his age and is a forward in rugby. He is very strong for his age and would have flattened this other snot. My son knows his own strength and will never start or look for a fight. But because he wouldn't hit back, this is seen as weakness, in fact, my son was exercising extreme self control. But how much longer could he have endured constant abuse had it not been dealt with?

Redman30

The assaulter is looked at as the bully, not the name caller. Perhaps you should have words with your son to ensure he only attacks after being attacked? If he reacts to physical abuse he's fine and dandy, but initiating it & I'm afraid he's going to be the one castigated.

Try and explain to your lad that a threat of violence can do a lot more long term good than the actual attack - he needs to let this chap (and others) know that he wont take any more nonsense, but not by being physical. So fronting up to him, verbal come backs etc - get into his face. It's the law of the playground I'm afraid, but that first punch is what everything is judged by...

mernieth

sorry but - this big strong lad is bullied by this smaller guy. eventually he is going to look like a wimp and others will join in. he has stood his ground now. if the school doesnt interfere he will be left alone. they have, and now he is the one facing exclusion.
its not fair and its not right. but raksha has to deal with it.
have you complained about the bullying?
if so, was anything done?
if not raksha - it is going to look as if your son was the one at fault.
dont dispair - your son is still entitled to an education and they will have to find him a place. or you could home educate him. or insist on a home tutor.

Gingham_Ribbon

Some thoughts:

Have you seen the anti bullying policy?

How able and willing are the school management and you to work out solutions together?

How effective is the exit card and why is he the one who has to leave if other children are taunting him?

How able is he to handle his anger when he's outside school?

As this is the second exclusion, as he drew blood and as he has a card that presumably allows him to leave class when he feels he can't cope, this needs some proper managing now before it's a much more difficult situation (like permanent exclusion.)

How is he coping with his work? (Is this situation with the name calling/bullying making him suffer in other ways?)

I feel for him as he could well be dealing with an awful situation, however, there are better ways to handle it. That said, it is up to the staff to help him do that, not just by letting him walk out of lessons, but by stopping the behaviour by the other children too.