#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

Raksha

geri1965 wrote: »

What was he excluded for the first time?

Same thing

whitewing

Same bully?

Can't be a good situation if the bully knows he'll get suspended for walloping him after provocation. What is the school doing about the name calling? Can you get the governors involved?

Raksha

No, not same bully, seems almost like there are more bullies than victims in this particular school

Spendless

No ideaif this is of any use or not, but someone on another thread mentioned getting their son help thru their GP for how to deal with anger (CAMHS?). If your son could get this help so he didn't retaliate to the bully, then maybe it would help so your son doesn't get to the point where he is excluded and the school could deal with the bully.

snowmaid

This business about standing back and being a punch bag is utter rubbish and drives me mad.

I certainly don't condone violence and have taught my children to walk away from trouble. However, if someone is going to lay a hand on them my children will defend themselves.

My son was being bullied by a little runt who was much smaller than himself, but I had taught my children to walk away. This kid saw it as a sign of weakness and the bullying escalated to the point that he slapped my boy across the face on a bus.

Up until then my child had asked me not to say anything to the school and that he would handle it.

The slap in the face was the last straw. I wrote a letter to the school stating what had been happening and that either they deal with it properly, or my child would not be punished for the consequences of defending himself. I told them that it is all very well to say that the kids musn't retaliate it, but either they level the playing field and deal with it or the person being bullied must be able to defend themself without fear of being disciplined.

The child was dealt with straight away and seems he has now been excluded.

samhuzz

snowmaid wrote: »

This business about standing back and being a punch bag is utter rubbish and drives me mad.

I certainly don't condone violence and have taught my children to walk away from trouble. However, if someone is going to lay a hand on them my children will defend themselves.

My son was being bullied by a little runt who was much smaller than himself, but I had taught my children to walk away. This kid saw it as a sign of weakness and the bullying escalated to the point that he slapped my boy across the face on a bus.

Up until then my child had asked me not to say anything to the school and that he would handle it.

The slap in the face was the last straw. I wrote a letter to the school stating what had been happening and that either they deal with it properly, or my child would not be punished for the consequences of defending himself. I told them that it is all very well to say that the kids musn't retaliate it, but either they level the playing field and deal with it or the person being bullied must be able to defend themself without fear of being disciplined.

The child was dealt with straight away and seems he has now been excluded.

I completely agree with you snowmaid. At the min my kids are only 6 and 4 but I've still always told them if someone hits you, you hit them back and I was always told the same when I was younger. I would go into the school and want some answers as to why nothing had been done about it before it had got to this stage. If they couldn't provide any I'd take it to the LEA.

Debt_Free_Chick

Physical violence is unacceptable behaviour, even if dealing with a bully. Indeed, it is simply another form of bullying behaviour. Your son needs to understand that violence is just not acceptable - in any situation. He clearly didn't learn that after the last instance.

Suggest that you anticipate exclusion, but get to work on addressing his violent streak through some anger-management techniques.

Person_one

samhuzz wrote: »

I completely agree with you snowmaid. At the min my kids are only 6 and 4 but I've still always told them if someone hits you, you hit them back and I was always told the same when I was younger. I would go into the school and want some answers as to why nothing had been done about it before it had got to this stage. If they couldn't provide any I'd take it to the LEA.

This might cause them a few problems as they grow up, the law doesn't agree with you. There's nothing wrong with defending yourself if you are truly in danger of injury or worse but retaliation for its own sake isn't the way to resolve things.

Spendless

The OP's son wasn't physically hurt he was (emotionally) verbally hurt by the name calling of the other child. The OP's son then physically hurt the name caller for which he (OP's son) has been excluded (because as someone else put it that escalated the incidence into violence).

OP- What has happened to name caller? Anything?

dmg24

snowmaid wrote: »

This business about standing back and being a punch bag is utter rubbish and drives me mad.

The OP's son has not been a punch bag. Be careful not to confuse the issue as it could take the thread off topic.

Whilst I do not condone bullying of any sort, nor do I condone violence (doing so will inevitably lead to problems later in life). I think asking for a CAMHS referral would be an excellent idea. They tend to be very helpful, and will work with the child, the parent and the school.