#3 son possible exclusion for hitting a bully

TubbyFunster_2

People say things to me I don't like all the time, this doesn't give me the right to throw them up against a wall and draw blood.

Bully's tend to target the weak due to their own weakness. Why would a bully target a kid who had already been suspended for sorting out another bully.

Are you sure your not looking at your son through rose coloured glasses, he seems to strike first, or are they all just not naughty lads.

TubbyFunster_2

TheEffect wrote: »

Yes, he has been bullying your son, but you/son should have dealt with this by contacting the relevant staff, making sure and being persistent that this child is a bully and needs to be dealt with.QUOTE]

being persistent?

Raksha

Hi folks, sorry I've been off line with a migraine (first one in 6 months, I wonder why?)

Firstly, my son is not normally a physical person - he'd rather sort out a problem with a good discussion, but he's been encouraged by his Dad to thump them (this probably won't surprise anyone following on from Jojo's post).

I asked for family counselling from my Dr, but apparently it's not available in MK on the NHS, although I have been for my preliminary counselling session and been given some information on somewhere we can go, but a) it's not on the NHS and b) we need to be able to go at the same time every week, which isn't possible as OH works shifts.

The report of events is as I was told my the assistant head of year and collaborated by independent witnesses, it's not my sons version.

He has been seen by CAHMS who say there is nothing they can do, and he's had sessions with Connexions at school, which he describes as 'useless because all they do is get me to talk about my feelings'....

If he didn't thump the bully, he'd burst into tears with frustration. He's a very kind, loving and sensitive soul. and like another poster's son, keen on his rugby.

I have seen the schools anti bullying policy, but to be honest, it's all 'fluff'

Bufger

basically in my humble opinion it should be whoever throws the first punch should face the consequences from the school/workplace etc.

You need to teach your son how to ignore words but react to actions. If someone hits him then self defence is perfectly acceptable, if someone calls him a name then he has to learn to be more mature and ignore them.

How do you know its not your son thats the bully, can it be confirmed that the other person initiated all of this without it being your sons word only? if hes bigger than his peers it could be that he's the bully buy as hes your son he knows you will believe him. This does happen and its a complete shock to the parents when they see their kid acting 'out of character' to them by picking on others.

John_3:16

You say your son enjoys rugby? If he watches any match he will find it is the retaliation that usely gets punished? If he is playing rugby it is a physical game that demands discipline. If he were on the pitch and someone called him a name would he thump them? I hope not. Usely a team sticks together is non of his team friendly that can go around together and support? Tell him to make friends with the biggest member of the team.

one_hot_minute

Raksha wrote: »

The report of events is as I was told my the assistant head of year and collaborated by independent witnesses, it's not my sons version.

The report of which your son was called a name and assaulted someone? I'm sorry, but that was a bit of an extreme reaction. Could he not have retaliated verbally as opposed to physically?

I agree that schools arent really very good at dealing with bullying. I was let down by my primary school as a child and I've been dealing with my niece being bullied in the last 6 months. It's difficult getting a balance and knowing how to be strong, but you need to teach him how to be sure of who he is and how to either rise above the verbal assaults or how to respond in a way that isnt physically threatening.

That said, if he is being bullied and someone throws the first punch, by no means should he take it. He should respond in kind.

Raksha wrote: »

No, not same bully, seems almost like there are more bullies than victims in this particular school

Hmmm....:cool:

Think about this carefully Raksha...

woody01

Raksha wrote: »

Does anyone have any advice? My youngest is about to be excluded for the second time for hitting a bully....

For the second time?
You sure it's not your son that is the thug?

viktory

Raksha wrote: »

No, not same bully, seems almost like there are more bullies than victims in this particular school

And your son is clearly one of them!! The definition of a bully is " person who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people" and "a hired ruffian; a thug" you have already said that:

Raksha wrote: »

Bully called the lad a name, so #3 son pushed him up against a wall and thumped him (drew blood by all accounts ) The child concerned is in the same year as #3 son, but #3 son is physically a lot bigger than his peers.

If you had come on here looking for advice on how to manage your son's anger problem, I would have had more sympathy, but it strikes me you are absolving your son of all blame.

sexki11en

Unfortunately, I agree with Viktory.

Name calling isn't nice, but your son must learn that he can't use his fists when someone says something he doesn't like. He wouldn't get away with it in the grown up world, he would (hopefully) be punished by the law, so why do you think he shouldn't have to learn the difference between right and wrong now?

If you were walking down the street and someone said something you didn't like to you, would you push them up against a wall and thump them, drawing blood? I'm thinking you probably wouldn't. But for some reason you seem to think your son should be able to?

SK x

Raksha

No, I do not think my son should be absolved from all blame - and two wrongs do not make a right - but the first 'blow' does not have to be a physical one.