Diplomatic dilemma re: in-laws and moving - any advice?

Jowo_2

ninky wrote: »

they've got all their personal belongings in a room though for 12 months of a year. what is the OP supposed to do about that? i'd have thought they need the inlaws permission to touch the personal belongings and certainly couldn't just throw them onto the street without going through some sort of due process.

I couldn't tell you to be honest. I know that there is a tort that covers uncollected goods which obliges a landlord to store left belongings for a 3 month period but whether this applies to visitors, rather than paying tenants, I'm not sure. I find it hard to apply landlord responsibilities onto this situation.

In a way, perhaps its not relevant, as I'm sure the OP will look after their belongings until the in-laws sort them out and so this type of dispute won't arise. In a worse case scenario, they could follow the tort and put the goods into storage, charging the in-laws the removal and storage goods.

http://www.landlordzone.co.uk/uncollected_goods.htm

PasturesNew

The best solution is to tell them the 4-bed house is going to be a strain on your resources - and so you're going to be taking in weekday lodgers.

Get storage costs for their stuff. Suggest they have two storage units... [1] for their big stuff that they're actually storing (e.g. furniture, heirlooms, ornaments) [2] for stuff they will want to access every time they visit (e.g. spare clothes, shoes, towels, sheets). They can then have instant 24/7 access to the stuff they need when they turn up without warning. As an example, I have a small unit, it's just about 4' square and 8' tall, so a big locker ... great for all those things you might need at the drop of a hat. Mine costs £5/week, but by paying yearly you can get a discount.

Say they're welcome, but as you're doing the weekday lodger thing they need to be scheduled in each time they want to stay.

http://www.mondaytofriday.com is one website where people advertise for weekday lodgers, in case you're asked for more details ... or in case you do think that it'd be worthwhile having a few in just to be seen to be doing it

poppysarah

Errata wrote: »

New house, new life, new hobby ? How about nudism ? That should give any guests pause for thought !
.

Or they might join in...

EEEKKK!
:rotfl:

PasturesNew

ninky wrote: »

they've got all their personal belongings in a room though for 12 months of a year. what is the OP supposed to do about that? i'd have thought they need the inlaws permission to touch the personal belongings and certainly couldn't just throw them onto the street without going through some sort of due process.

If it were me I'd take it upon myself to carefully list and document everything and pack it up and put it into storage.

I'd get two units, one for big stuff, one for personal stuff that's likely to be needed on a whim. Box everything up properly, take it to storage. Write out (photograph) everything that's gone into every box. Label every box carefully. Then copy the list. Keep a copy of the list, give them a copy of the list, pin up a copy of the list inside the unit/s.

Then I'd pay for the first six months' storage fees (or maybe a year) up front, so they can't complain.

Jowo_2

Deleted_User wrote: »

. They did suggest the idea of lending us money for a deposit and in return us buying somewhere with an annexe for them to live in, but - not to be rude - I would hate that arrangement, as would my OH!

.

Did they make this offer to their other children?

By the way, i think you are going to have a tough time convincing them to stop considering your new house as a shared one, since its doubling in size and you have 3 spare rooms! Good luck with that side of the argument...

Perhaps the best strategy is to get their crap out of your current place well ahead of the move in date to prevent the cuckoo from gaining a foothold in your completely new and spacious house.

Or for your OH to make it clear that you are both happy to let them stay in the new place (on condition that their belongings and mail no longer go there) but that it is dependent on their need to visit their relative and once there is no longer a requirement for lengthy stays in the UK, they should not continue to regard it as their UK base (because otherwise they will expect to be cared for there in their old age when infirm or widowed). Plus insist that they should also stay with their other kids, too, so as you don't get under each other's feet and you get more privacy/quality time with your partner.

puddy

i would also ram home the point that your mum is coming to stay, your friend is staying for a few weeks, you're really looking forward to buying this home as you never really felt like it was your home with your OH because she owned it, that you're looking forward to setting up your train track in the spare room, able to work from home in the new study, meditate in the new meditation room, a drug den in the other study

bascially ramming it home that oh, the possibilities of using my new home, MY new home, i cant wait, blah blah blah

but let us know when you want to come and VISIT (not stay), and we'll set up the sofa bed for you in the living room, ive seen a nice one in john lewis, blah blah blah

your conversation (before the big talk) needs to give as much impression as possible that this is not their home, that your set up, room set up is not being done around them

and, i agree with a poster above somewhere, move their crap now and reclaim your main bedroom

puddy

culturally of course, other societies would be aghast at the majority of posters on this thread taking the stance to chuck the oldies out

i thought i would make that point

i dont agree with it though

ninky_2

so long as the OP and his OH don't expect the olds to provide regular free childcare or babysitting services i think it's fine.

extended families can work really well. but only if all parties are happy with it.

Jowo_2

jenner wrote: »

culturally of course, other societies would be aghast at the majority of posters on this thread taking the stance to chuck the oldies out

i thought i would make that point

i dont agree with it though

Excellent point. However, I think extended family networks tend to occur in poorer places or places that have a history of this type of thing (cultural/religious drivers for the practice). It's also common for poor families which doesn't apply here. Here the emphasis is normally on separate households and full independence, unless both parties consent to a different arrangement or its just temporary.

For example, where I live there is an extended family who live in flats opposite each other in my road, the women in one and the men in others in an area where there is plentiful large rental accommodation available, so I assume this arrangement meets their needs in some way.

[Deleted User]

Just to make it clear - I'm not being an unfair old sod here - I love the in-laws and they're welcome round pretty much any time...but it's more a matter of making sure that there's an acceptable line between visiting our home and living there.

I'm definitely not trying to oust them or put them on the street, and I enjoy their company whenever they're round, but I just can't have them living here 5 months of the year I'm afraid!

Anyway, judging by my other thread it looks like this purchase might fall through anyway so maybe someone above is trying to tell me something!