Diplomatic dilemma re: in-laws and moving - any advice?

Errata

Discuss with your OH, then she discusses with parents when they are going to put their belongings in storage and she hopes they won't mind sleeping on camp beds in one of the studies - yours or hers. The final spare bedroom is the very posh guest room, used rarely and for overnight or weekend visitors.
It's the parents fault they've got themselves into this pickle, not yours, but it seems you're are paying the bill - which brings us to my final point. If they have been spending lengthy periods of time with you, have they paid any rent, half the council tax, water rates, gas, electricity, tv license, phone rental, buildings and contents insurance etc ? Have they done half the cleaning, repairs, gardening, maintenace ?
Perhaps if you figure out the cost per night of them staying with you in the new house they might find a local B&B is cheaper.

ninky_2

Jowo wrote: »

Mortgage lenders often have restrictions on residential mortgages to demand that the owner seeks permission to have lodgers or let out to tenants, restrictions against having relatives there, but I can't see how non-paying visitors would breach this.

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well my OH had to sign something for the mortgage lenders as he lives in the property that is in my name. it is not an issue of whether you are charging them or not, it's the fact that the lenders have an interest in the property and need to know they can get vacant possession in the event the mortgage is defaulted on. if you have relatives living there for periods of time this strictly needs to be declared to the mortgage lenders. it could also affect you contents insurance etc.

i'm sure that not everyone does declare these things but if the OP is looking for extra reasons to give the inlaws as to why they can't use their home as a residential address in the UK it's extra ammo. not that the OP needs it, i think his desire not to have his home used as a free drop in hotel and storage facility is more than reasonable.

MarieAAP

My OH is is sorta in a similiar position as your in, except its my Mum.

Mum is currently in China and has been for the past 4 yrs. She comes back for 4-6weeks, meets family, friends, music festivals, travelling a fair amount etc. This time she is due back permanently in time for our wedding in March for May.

What she has done was to store the majority of her stuff, sofa, beds, boxes in storage, and kept no-more than 6 boxes at our place. Now 1 of them is full of relevant paper work stuff, eg accounts, house deeds etc. Two are clothing, third is travelling stuff etc. You get the idea.

But basically, after the 1st visit back we said all her boxes (baring the paperwork / files which are on the bookshelves for easy access for me), are to placed onto the filing cabinet in the spareroom (2bed house). And she has pretty much kept to that. I might have to go charity shopping etc afterwards, but her gear is kept up and out the way. AND do a massive tidy up, if things get left too late before she leaves. But the room is called "spare" and not Mum's room. OBTW, we don't have a loft, and the cellar is a little to cold / damp for long term storage for perisable stype of goods.

My point to this post, was she is coming back in March and is expected to stay for the 5 weeks before the wedding, to look after the kitties while we are on honeymoon (touch wood somewhere warm), and then to move elsewhere. He and I will really want our ownspace, and soz mum, much as I love you - newyweds and all that :P

Thing is, we don't know if a) HER own home will have been sold, b) will she have found a job, c) she found a new place up here, and this is the case d) rent a place in my area for 6mths....

So many Qs
M

ClareEmily

You have my sympathies, I love my inlaws but living with them for any time at all would be a HUGE no no.

When the old lady dies what will they do?

Do they currently pay anything towards bills when they stay?

Right I think to start where you mean to go on, even if it is only for 2 months, move their belongings into the second bedroom or box up and reclaim the main bedroom and the shower room.

"As we are moving into our first proper home together in a couple of months, we will box your belongings up and store in our garage. Where will you be staying when you visit the UK in the future"?

If they answer "well we thought the same arrangement would apply"
Tell them that for the foreseeable future that is unfortunetley not possible as you need to re-decorate rooms and you have friends/your family visiting and staying with you.

Maybe say that you need to work from home and need to have no distractions.

But don't give them a key and ask them not to use your address for their post.

They are taking the mikey.

neas

Why dont you just offer to rent the room out to them? if they are lodgers etc. A reasonable room rate would be 300 quid a month. £4k a year.

If they get offended then tough... its your house and you could rent the room to a worker who would help pay off your mortgage. If they are unwilling to pay think its a bit take the !!!! as nobody wants to live with inlaws.... want peace and quiet....

Basically you got a lodger who dont pay you :P and has put dibs on your new house... probably on the rooms too.

Also do you visit malta as much as they do? are you welcome to free holidas in future?

ninky_2

neas wrote: »

Why dont you just offer to rent the room out to them? if they are lodgers etc. A reasonable room rate would be 300 quid a month. £4k a year.

you'd need consent to let from the lenders to do this though.

maybe the OP should just say they've spoken to the mortgage lenders about having relatives stay for lengthy periods of time in the house and they are not happy with it as a set up.

Kyrae

I think honesty would definitely be the best policy in the long run. How about telling them that you are unhappy with them thinking the spare room is theirs, as you need it as a general spare room so that your family and friends can visit too and stay over, and you'll be needing the wardrobe space to put your guests clothes in when they visit. Then they might not be too upset as they'll see they can visit as guests and stay in the room too, but hopefully they'll take the hint that its your guest room and not their bedroom. Maybe reinforce it by saying they can't visit at a certain time as another family member will be using the spare room.

Tell them you won't have room to store their stuff and it'll have to go into storage or the garage, as you'll be decorating the rooms and will need them empty. I agree with previous posters, definitely don't give them a spare key. Lend them one when they visit, but ask for it back at the end and say you only have the one spare key and need it for other family when they visit.

Tricky situation though, hope you manage to find a happy solution!

Jowo_2

ninky wrote: »

well my OH had to sign something for the mortgage lenders as he lives in the property that is in my name. it is not an issue of whether you are charging them or not, it's the fact that the lenders have an interest in the property and need to know they can get vacant possession in the event the mortgage is defaulted on. if you have relatives living there for periods of time this strictly needs to be declared to the mortgage lenders. it could also affect you contents insurance etc.

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As far as I'm aware (though I'm happy to be challenged on this), a tenancy is only created through the acceptance of rent, without this, they have no rights, or if they are the status of a paying lodger, their rights are extremely limited.

Since they are not lodgers or tenants, I can't see why the mortgage company would require consent, as they have no potential interest in the property from a financial perspective, unlike a partner who is sharing bills/mortgage, for example, and can make a claim.

As far as I'm concerned, their legal status is as guests - they have no rights - and its not their primary residence (they live and own property elsewhere).

silvercar

Either your OH needs to speak to her parents or you need a man to man chat with FIL. Explain that you are so excited about the move as for the first time you will feel like a home owner, that sometimes you felt like a guest in the parents in law's home rather than the other way round. That you hope that this really will be the start of you and OH being a family unit....

If you want to work on the emotions, add that you wouldn't think of starting a family until you felt stable in your own home.

The one thing guaranteed to stop them staying is a screaming baby waking up at 1am, 2am, 3am......;)

ninky_2

Jowo wrote: »

As far as I'm aware (though I'm happy to be challenged on this), a tenancy is only created through the acceptance of rent,

not true. if someone has established somewhere as their home they cannot just be kicked out. having their belongings and post directed to the property along with having a set of keys would be more than enough evidence of them having established this as a home.

the same goes if you allow a partner to move in with you. even if they are not on the lease etc you have to go through certain proceedures to move them out. i think it's 30 days notice or something.