Diplomatic dilemma re: in-laws and moving - any advice?

getmore4less

Deleted_User wrote: »

My OH is on my side mostly, but has a slight twinge more sympathy for her parents than I do. The issue is that she's a bit of a walkover and her sister is more selfish, which is why the in-laws stay at ours 90% of the time and not her sister's.

I can understand that, maybe time for the "this is getting me down what are we going to do about it we need to sort it before we move." chat

Long shot,

How about you sell yours, have the new place fall though, so move into rented(a one bed place) so you can save for a bigger deposit.


Agree with the others any sign of a delay on your sale then claim you space back.

Jowo_2

What's plan B, should you hit resistance or your OH waivers if she's guilt tripped?

Presumably your in-laws have extremely strong personality and influence if they've managed to bag the best room, use the property as a poste restante and storage facility and automatically assume they are free to come and go at your next property, too, without actually asking for consent for any of this?

Or did they actually ask permission for all this stuff in the first place, it's never been refused or withdrawn and they would naturally assume that you are both okay with this, in light of the fact that you haven't actually rejected any of their proposals or expressed any reservations about it?

getmore4less

if you do get the new place make one of the bedrooms a dressing room tht you both use a lot

Twin singles(more flexable for guests) in the guest room with limited storage for just a few days stuff.

Ulfar

Sorry but I am going to sound really nasty but they are taking the mick and know it.

You need to claim the prime living space for yourself and your partner, no way should they have the master bedroom with the shower room.

This needs tackling before you move by primarily your partner as it is her house and her parents. You will still end up as the villain.

You are both already annoyed with how things are and this will not help your own relationship.

I like to have friends and relatives to visit and they stay in my spare room, but there comes a point where I am glad when they go home. 6 months would drive me nuts.

I have very recently had to put my own father down when he started acting like he was in charge of my home, I quite firmly informed him my house my rules.

elisebutt65

Ulfar wrote: »

I have very recently had to put my own father down when he started acting like he was in charge of my home.

OMG - that's quite drastic and I thought you had to go over to Dignitas in Switzerland for that kind of thing???:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

RacyRed

How much do you love the 4 bed house you are buying?

What made you choose to buy a 4 bed at this point, are you planning to start a family in the near future? If not, consider going for a luxurious, large but one bedroomed flat close to work for a year and break the cycle cleanly

Jowo_2

RacyRed wrote: »

How much do you love the 4 bed house you are buying?

What made you choose to buy a 4 bed at this point, are you planning to start a family in the near future? If not, consider going for a luxurious, large but one bedroomed flat close to work for a year and break the cycle cleanly

I disagree with the strategy that the OP has to endure the hassle and expense of two house moves, first one being a tiny place to prevent the in-laws from monopolising it to get the message through.

Best strategy is not for the OP to change their plans just to create an excuse as he has lots of valid points anyhow and instead should encourage the in laws to change their behaviour and expectations...

Catblue

Deleted_User wrote: »

Finally, I think the key thing is to speak to them and just say - if they get funny - that this living arrangement isn't working and that they're welcome to stay, but that it needs to be fair. If they want to stay more often then it needs to be split between the siblings. I think that's the missing thing here - that the other siblings aren't pulling their weight.

That struck me about your first post - the unfairness of it.

The in-laws' son gets to escape having to put up his parents but gets rewarded with a car that he can use when they are out of the country. Your OH gets them living with her and you for 5 months of the year and gets absolutely zero reward for her kindness.

I think the fairness element needs to be raised with the in-laws. I suspect that they have not even considered it. I have a feeling that your OH will have to be blunt, though.

RacyRed

Jowo wrote: »

I disagree with the strategy that the OP has to endure the hassle and expense of two house moves, first one being a tiny place to prevent the in-laws from monopolising it to get the message through.

Best strategy is not for the OP to change their plans just to create an excuse as he has lots of valid points anyhow and instead should encourage the in laws to change their behaviour and expectations...

I understand your points, but from reading the thread it sounds as if the 4 bed property was initially chosen with at least some sort of subliminal thought being given to the in-laws, who then shot themselves in the foot by doing things like refering to it as "their" new home. That must have felt like having a bucket of cold water spilt over the poor OP!

When suggesting a flat I didn't mean somewhere tiny, I was thinking of something more like this or this.

This is simply suggested as another way of dealing with what is obviously a very difficult dilema without risking a family rift.

Errata

TBH if I had outlaws staying for 6 months of the year, but in chunks of a few weeks or a month at a time, I wouldn't feel my life was my own, let alone my house.