Need support and advice - OH in trouble...

katskorner

Progress is going to be slow and I didn't sleep well again last night. Plus the baby woke me when I did sleep but that can't be helped!

One small credit card down and loads to go. Checked out the mortgage and should be able to consolidate onto that - but the replayments scare me somewhat. I don't work as I have the two babies to look after and childcare is so expensive (plus I want to bring my own kids up - that has always been the plan till the older one starts school anyway).Today is budget day to see how we stand with the monthly living. So far OH has not defaulted on any cards or the loan, plus he has still paid all of the household expenses and mortgage (including a small overpayment each month) - because if he hadn't I would have known about this ages ago. I have a fair amount of savings because I did work before my first baby and I was well paid then. But redundancy stopped me returning back.

Feeling a touch more positive today - Just need to deal with a few family discussions before taking things any further. Can't do that for a few days.

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

Hugs katskorner. I admire what you are doing. Is there any internet based work you could do when the babies are asleep? Or perhaps mystery shopping work where you can take your children with you? If you'd like a few links to mystery shopping companies just pm me and I'll give you a few.

Good luck and please keep us updated on how you are doing.

MrsTinks

You can do it Just hang tight and remember you have your family and your health Yes he's been a prat and it'll take time but things could be SO much worse
Think positive thoughts and look at your children and be greatful hunni

carinska

Hi!
Just my tuppenceworth..

I’m in the same position, not through gambling but through hubby’s depression. End result the same and actually his mental state did make him react to circumstances in a compulsive way so it is quite a similar situation.

One thing I feel quite strongly about is the credit rating issue. While your husband has this addictive illness, I think you absolutely NEED to take any chance of him getting further credit away. There will be massive trust issues from now on. My husband got help from a debt management charity through this site, and it will take him years to regain his credit rating, but I am more than happy with that. He has an illness, and while I trust him that he is doing his best, we can’t control the future, and I can sleep at night knowing that if he relapses he can never borrow money again.

It was a big change for me knowing that by association I would never get credit again either!! But now I am more than happy knowing we are living within our means. And if I need something I save for it.

I would advise against you using your savings – for all the reasons posted by others here.

Also, counselling is a must – I know I’m just repeating what others said – but although my OH knew in his mind that he wasn’t well, it wasn’t until a professional confirmed it that it really sunk in and he began to make any progress!

Stick by him, build the trust back up, but DON’T risk your children’s future. Get in touch with one of the debt management charities recommended on this site – they have been massively helpful to us. Yes it’s a long haul, not an instant fix, but that has to be the way of things I think. Good luck!

shayshay

fair play to both Thunder and Kats as it must have been hard for both to admit/come on here with the details.

I had run up debts of about £20k on rubbish, not literally just odds and sods nothing that I coudl actually show for it. When I told my ex she went ballistic with good reason, she stayed ballistic and if she hadn't of slept with a mate would have probably been one of the reasons we split.

My morale of the story is......he needs help not a lecture. By the sounds of it he feels bad, very bad and yes I can understand people saying that you shouldn't use your savings but was the idea to have your savings so that they can be used on just you or the kids or as a family?

Kat, it is unfortunate now that you have this burden to share, the positive side is that your children are a fair way off Uni etc, bit like mine 4,2 and 8 months so their is plenty of time for your OH to repay them and more. I would say that you are both quite emotional and until you have drawn up a battle plan between you neither actually knows where to tread so stepping on toes may still occur.

I would give anything back to repair my rating as it has hampered me starting my own business which was 5 years in the making but I am sure had I of had the opportunity to repair it years ago I would have been better off both in mind and body. Neither way will be easy for you guys, and admitting the problem doesn't mean it will go away but tackling it together will be a start. We are not all perfect but like you say the kids love him and as long as you do too, then trust can be repaired.

katskorner

Bad night. Didn't sleep again for worrying. I need to get a better grip on this. Home life is hard right now. Finding it hard to be sensible, objective and not fly off the handle.

Still don't know whether adding the debt to the mortgage is the best way forward or not.

wanna-be-mortgage-free_2

:grouphug: you will get through this. We're all here to support you in whatever way we can. Just keep posting kats, it'll make you feel better to know there are people here who care about you and will help you in whatever way we can.

EagerLearner

My 2 cents is that he has to deal with this on his own - let him to go the appointment and feel responsible initially. They will give advice and if, after lots of consideration, you want to put your savings into his 'debt hole' then you can but I was with a guy like that once and wished I had never given him my money - he got into debt again and I lost my money. Left him and now happily married - not saying that's what you should do!

PS: http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=238575

Might help with your own savings & for the kids...

Good luck!

anniestar

(((((((hugs)))))) just wanted you both to know that we(DH &I) are thinking of you For what its worth I'd leave a bit of money in your savings just in case- life has a habit of biting you in the b*m just when you're skint! Take care and always talk to each other-helps to have a united front. Much love Annie.X

katskorner

Hi.

UPDATE - things are gradually improving. We have now paid off around 11K of the 54K total and will pay another 8.5K on Thursday. Going to have to up the mortgage a bit (20K) but this will leave us debt free with the use of savings and family help so far and the CCCS input on our budget. Plus we haven't touched the kids money and I will still have a bit of money left at the end of it. So looking brighter than 3 weeks ago.

Thanks to all DFW's for your support!
Kat.