war with parents - are we being mean

chris_n_tj

henpecked1 wrote: »

if it was unclear in the message - their pevious dog (same breed) bit my sister. that died and they bought the dog they have now. It has about 5 years left on the clock.

As you dont live at your parents house then why shouldnt they have a dog? Or do you expect them to sit by the phone waiting for you to ring in the hope they can child mind? How ever your parents chose to live is totally up to them isnt it. No one made you take your child to them now did they. Maybe they dont live the way you would wish them to, but it cant be that bad or you wouldnt have left your child there in the first pace. Well I know I wouldnt. If I were you I would take a long look in the mirror, dragging your child 120 miles a day in a car just so you can go to work, what does that say about you. MAybe your parents are not what you want, but I bet they did their best for you?

henpecked1

bestpud wrote: »

That about sums it up!

You think you are too good for them but how awful must they have felt to have you change your name because you were ashamed of them!

Good grief, I think I've heard it all now!

I didnt tell them for 5 years.

Zazen999

gingin wrote: »

I don't get your gripe.

120 miles, broken up into two 45 minute trips once a week, is no big deal, especially if it is with the expectation of quality time with the family.

My children were just like henpecked's child - they nodded off 5 mins into the journey and had to be woken up at the end, none the wiser.

Remind me where the quality time was again?

Anyway my gripe is; he could use the travel as an excuse - if he really wanted one and didn't want to 'upset' the family. But it would appear that isn't the case.

henpecked1

the travel excuse doesnt wash. I drive pas their road to get to work. Considering hoovering and being clean is difficult enough, they wouldnt understand the travel issue. Anyway, daughter spends one night a week at other grannies house so we dont have to drag her back and forth on consecutive days,

chris_n_tj

henpecked1 wrote: »

I didnt tell them for 5 years.

I bet your parents were pleased to hear that, maybe they are glad you have. Afterall who would want a self centred selfish person to carry their name. It works both ways dont you think

kendalls_cave

so let me get this straight. You hated/disapproved of your parents so much that you changed your name as soon as you left home. Didn't tell them for five years, and then accepted their offer of their time and energy to look after your daughter.. and you don't think you're selfish?

henpecked1

i dont selfish comes into it. I have tried desperately hard to give them access to their grandaughter, they really wanted to look after her but they let us down. I really gave them as much chances as I could. They are the ones who broke all their promises. The fact they went against telling me the dog wouldbe kept away says more about them as people than me for wanting to trust them,

henpecked1

kendalls_cave wrote: »

so let me get this straight. You hated/disapproved of your parents so much that you changed your name as soon as you left home. Didn't tell them for five years, and then accepted their offer of their time and energy to look after your daughter.. and you don't think you're selfish?

a lot of water under the bridge from leaving home to now so not really fair to include that in your point.

kendalls_cave

i am just thankful i changed my surname when i left home so my poor child doesnt have their surname.

Obviously it isn't water under the bridge is it? I am just pointing out what you said

paddy's_mum

Folks - can we just, for reality's sake, cast all our collective intelligence upon this picture?

When I was growing up, I got a wallop for dropping crumbs upon the floor, the house was so immaculate.

At the same time, my father was told by his employer 'shape up, get clean or else' and my sister was close to being withdrawn from school for being so unhygienic that she was a health and welfare issue to the rest of her class.

My mother is so lacking in basic cleanliness skills that when, on one occasion, she walked barefoot across my carpets, the resulting filth was so bad that the next day, I had to hire a mechanical carpet washer to restore my house.

I'm so ashamed of them that I changed my name. I can stick to the national speed limit but still cover 60 miles at 70 mph in less than the 54 minutes that legality dictates.

I bludgeoned my wife into submission and now that my faith in my parents' promises has proved every bit as shallow as my wife predicted it would be, I'm trying to find a way to get myself off the hook. Of course, .........

Henpecked One - give it up, mate. Not because any of us are without understanding and compassion but because every time you try to justify yourself, you just reveal another flaw in your arguments and compassion.

The fact remains - you were willing to put the health and welfare of your child a long way behind your commonsense, your comprehension, your intelligence, and your depth of understanding of the dynamics of your family.

Can't you see that? What made you believe, in the teeth of a lifetime of disillusion, that anything would be different?

Hope is a very dangerous thing to cling to when it's the wellbeing of your own child that is forfeit if you get it wrong.