Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Saturnalia

What on earth is it supposed to mean when people say "you were a child once"? I can't say my childhood was a great time, I was one of those kids who was born about 25 years old and had nothing in common with kids my age, I always wanted to talk to adults instead. Children's toys, games, songs, programmes etc. just frustrated me as a child as well and my opinion hasn't really changed on that!

I am an adoring auntie to a three year old lad and my sister has another baby on the way. She is not one of those gushing mothers, quite the opposite - she whinges to me on how difficult parenthood is and says that I'm the only one she really feels she can be honest with on that. Not even just the hard work and the physical effects but things like losing touch with old childfree friends, how all her social circle now are the mums of kids the same age she's met along the way but how they have nothing other than the kids in common and often she's frustrated that they end up talking nothing but baby rubbish, the constant "mummy Olympics" when her son was always the last to meet his milestones (someone's child has to be last, and he's always caught up in his own good time!) Trying to juggle work, nursery, playgroups, swimming, housework and a nightshift-working husband. And still having something left of yourself at the end of the day. What to do when your part-time min-wage job leaves you with about £5 a week once nursery is paid but being a SAHM would turn your brain to mush leading to an unhappy mum and an unhappy child.

But there are the lovely moments and the happy times. I only need to see her family together to see how much love & enjoyment there is there, and I can accept there are advantages to being a mum.

It's just not for me. There's a famous pro-choice slogan that sums up my feelings on the matter: Every child a wanted child, every mother a willing mother. Why would those trying to push us into motherhood wish that hypothetical child a mother who didn't want it and wasn't interested in raising it?

Yes there are people who get pregnant by accident and their feelings change. But that's a hell of a gamble to take on a human life, isn't it? Not all mothers love their children. This board isn't exactly short of now-adult posters with parents who make you shudder.

1940sGal

worried_jim wrote: »

Wow- you have reponded to something I wrote in March 2010.

I was looking through the thread and saw it so responded. I didn't even look at the date. Doesn't make your post any less ignorant two years on

emweaver

worried_jim wrote: »

Wow- you have reponded to something I wrote in March 2010.

In all fairness I almost replied to a post from 2010, I rarely check the dates of posts especially if the thread is within the first few pages of the board.

BugglyB

Hermia wrote: »

I work with kids and find there are no shortage of parents who are selfish and seem to resent having to put their kids first. I also find that some parents become selfish on behalf of their kids in that they are more than willing to let other children suffer so their kids can have everything. I think some people are selfish and some aren't and if you are, having kids won't magically cure that. I don't understand why the people who make the allegations about childfree people being selfish always seem to assume that childfree people have no responsibilities for others. For example, caring for parents. My childfree friend is a full-time carer for both her disabled parents. Her sister has one kid. Which has the more selfish lifestyle?

Sorry, my post was in answer to another one that was wondering why people with children call the childfree selfish. It was an explanation, not a justification.

I completely agree with your analysis. I think in a lot of circumstances having children gives annoying selfish pushy people an outlet. For example the other day I was queueing for food at a festival and a woman shouted 'I can't believe you're making my child wait' at the poor people serving the food. Like her child was going to die of malnutrition. No-one said anything but I think they would have done if she'd said 'I can't believe you're making me wait', which I suspect is what she really meant.

I myself am CF. Well, childless, at present, taking steps to becoming CF.

heartbreak_star

*waves* I'm child-free by choice. I like my life the way it is and have never been maternal. OH is not paternal either - one of the reasons I split with my ex is that he wanted children and didn't when we got together.

HBS x

SandC

Bumping this for a query in another thread.

Mary_Hartnell

and again
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4807382

red_devil

I think its extremely hard bringing up children today, they have alot of power, and the pressure to provide the latest gadgets is immense.