Anyone Child Free By Choice?

ms_london

Person_one wrote: »

I'm very much childfree by choice, but I think some people get far too militant and 'anti-child' about it.

We actually need a decent number of people to keep having children, as part of that whole 'keep the human race going so there's somebody to fund my pension and install my stannah stairlift when I'm old' plan. We also need them to be raised as decent, functioning members of society which is hard work and can't be done quietly behind closed doors.

Its ok to want and have children, its ok not to. Why does this subject always have to end up in pointless conflict?

Yes we do need people to keep the human race going, but I fear that the amount of them being raised as 'decent, functioning members of society' is dwindling....

Don't get me wrong I love my niece and nephew and friends children, and love spending time with them, but I don't love children enough to actually want one myself.

The conflict comes from those who do have children usually popping in here and making silly comments, and yes some posts might be 'militant and anti child about it'- if that's how people feel they are free to express their views, everyone is different. You are entitled to yours but if people aren't comfortable with the anti child comments, perhaps it's not best to pop into the 'childfree by choice' thread, I think the clue is in the title.

As I keep saying, I would dream of popping over to the trying to conceive board and asking them why do they want to conceive (like people come in here and say why do you not want children, it's strange) I could imagine the backlash and quite rightly too, I just don't go into the threads that aren't relevant to me....

Person_one

ms_london wrote: »

You are entitled to yours but if people aren't comfortable with the anti child comments, perhaps it's not best to pop into the 'childfree by choice' thread, I think the clue is in the title.

Absolutely not, there is no reason at all to connect 'childfree by choice' with 'anti child nastiness'.

That's like saying it would be perfectly fine if the pregnancy threads were filled with vitriol about the CFBC!

Owlie

I'm 31 and child free so far.

I dont think I want children as like many other people I dont have a natural motherly/comfortable feeling around children.

But I can't help wondering if having my own would be different or change me.

I had an abortion at 23 and that was the right decision for me - no doubt about that, but I will say that going through with it was heartbreaking. I did feel the need to give that child life and I cried for weeks bfore and after doing it, it was not easy.

I have had a few experiences of looking after or more accurately - having other people's kids dumped on me unexpectedly. Once I found myself alone on a crowed beach with a 3 year old, 7 year old and 10 year old - Oh lordy that was stressful!

One just decided to run off down the beach in one direction, one went in the sea and I had to keep an eye on her among the humdreds of other people .... I can laugh now but I didn't enjoy it one bit.

Then I had a 4 year old left for me look after in my house, just when you think you can sit them down in front of some cartoons to keep them occupied...think again, lol. She didn't want to. She ran around the house getting into everything and brought items to me asking "who's is this?" and "who buyed it?" after the 30th time I think I was at breaking point

Person_one

Owlie, you've hit on my main reason for not wanting children of my own, its far too much like hard work!

I love having my niece and nephew for a few hours, but its seriously exhausting, I collapse after handing them back. I like my downtime and my solitude too much!

Hermia

Person_one wrote: »

Absolutely not, there is no reason at all to connect 'childfree by choice' with 'anti child nastiness'

And to be honest some of the most anti-child comments I hear are from parents talking about kids that aren't their own! Some of the stuff I hear mums say about their child's friends would cause outrage if a childless person said the same!

ms_london

Person_one wrote: »

Absolutely not, there is no reason at all to connect 'childfree by choice' with 'anti child nastiness'.

That's like saying it would be perfectly fine if the pregnancy threads were filled with vitriol about the CFBC!

Fair enough, although I expect out of those who are childfree by choice, there is a percentage who would be anti child as opposed to it just not being the right decision, if that makes sense, as there are various reasons for not wanting children. Which makes you right in your comment to start with. I got there in the end

Edwardia

Someone mentioned social conditioning earlier.. I saw a photo of Suri Cruise earlier this week doing the whole baby doll with buggy thing and I really hate that kind of brainwashing, yuck. Women can be doctors, bankers, astronauts, jockeys etc and female children get given plastic babies before they can even talk

Redouble

Edwardia wrote: »

Someone mentioned social conditioning earlier.. I saw a photo of Suri Cruise earlier this week doing the whole baby doll with buggy thing and I really hate that kind of brainwashing, yuck. Women can be doctors, bankers, astronauts, jockeys etc and female children get given plastic babies before they can even talk

I hope you don't mind me posting in here as I am not child free (and not by choice :rotfl: ) but I have been browsing this thread and I cannot express how much I agree with this post!

And of course the similar conundrum that people panic if they see a boy wearing pink *gasp* or playing with a doll *double gasp* or wanting his hair long and perhaps wanting it tied up *faints*

(can you tell that I detest rigid gender 'roles' for children )

Fire_Fox

Person_one wrote: »

Its mostly preventable. Every contraception in existence has a failure rate, even the most reliable such as the implant or male sterilisation result in hundreds of accidental pregnancies.

I'm very much childfree by choice, but I think some people get far too militant and 'anti-child' about it.

We actually need a decent number of people to keep having children, as part of that whole 'keep the human race going so there's somebody to fund my pension and install my stannah stairlift when I'm old' plan. We also need them to be raised as decent, functioning members of society which is hard work and can't be done quietly behind closed doors.

Its ok to want and have children, its ok not to. Why does this subject always have to end up in pointless conflict?

Absolutely not, there is no reason at all to connect 'childfree by choice' with 'anti child nastiness'.

That's like saying it would be perfectly fine if the pregnancy threads were filled with vitriol about the CFBC!

I have been on CFBF support threads on a number of forums. There are always some of us that want to vent about uncontrolled/ badly disciplined children, where else can we do it if not here? Why do parents feel the need to defend their little angels or their choice to breed? There are hundreds of threads about children or parenting or TTC or pregnancy on this board alone, how many about topics specifically about being child free?

Of course you can raise your children to be calm and polite in public spaces, other than those where it is acceptable/ desirable to be noisy such as parks. I was raised that way as were many of my relatives and friends, lots of children on Supernanny are trained to be so. Babies, toddlers and tantrums can be taken outside to calm down if they are disruptive. There is zero need for both parents and several children all to run wild all over the supermarket. Dad could shop and mum stay at home or vice versa. There are many great parents who do all this, many single parents whose children are a million times better behaved than ones with two parents.

Unless someone posts on the Pets board saying they hate cats/ dogs or that they should be euthanased, most people won't start randomly debating how wonderful cats/ dogs are. We accept not everyone feels as we do. Anyway we are not being unkind about parents as a group so it's not comparable to being vitriolic about the CFBC as a group. I wouldn't have a problem if someone who was TTC had a bad experience with a couple of CFBF making thoughtless/ heartless comments and them venting on the TTC threads. Again where else can they do that if not there?

worried_jim

1940sGal wrote: »

Erm, unemployed person here who is single and child free by choice. Oh and I don't have a plasma telly, i certainly don't wear Nike trainers and i live with me mam.

Does that make me the exception?

Wow- you have reponded to something I wrote in March 2010.