Anyone Child Free By Choice?

GFN123

Fire_Fox wrote: »

Can't believe I have never posted on this thread!

I don't much like children (especially babies _pale_), am not a natural with them and definitely don't want any. Mostly I avoid or ignore children. However I was recently a bridesmaid and the happy couple's three little nieces were flower girls. I interacted with the shy little one at the wedding rehearsal, and again with a more confident little one sat opposite me at a meal, only to be told quite smugly that I am good with children. Er no, I was making an gargantuan effort because your wedding is important to me, because it's a bridesmaid's duty and because it was only for a couple of hours. :rotfl:

Me too!

Odd though it may sound, I've known since about the age of 13 that I didn't want children. 20 years later, I feel completely and positively affirmed by that choice and have never changed my mind. In fact, as I grow older, that feeling strengthens.

I love my life, am happy, content and (mostly!) full of joy As discussed with my OH last night - who definitely doesn't want them either - sometimes it appears as though people have children as they simply feel unfulfilled or something is 'missing'. I believe that for a majority of people, having children is not a specifically conscious choice (and that's absolutely no insult to parents, it is, after all, simply a natural drive).

The choice to be Child Free is a conscious one, and on many levels it is one society forces you to question frequently. By the same token, I don't go round asking parents why on earth they wanted kids, something I cannot understand. So I do get riled by the "well-meaning" folk who think it is fine to invade my privacy, question my motives or sanity or assure me I will change, when we simply accept as 'normal' that people DO want them and never question that.

I don't believe in judging & so if people choose to have children that is their choice and not my business, but I wish that could apply the other way too.

fudgecat

Huge sympathies with all childless and wishing to stay the same. It is not a forgone conclusion that all women wish to have children. However, with society so geared to family life, the nature/nurture arguement of women`s biological determinism can never be proved. My mother never wished to have children and was totally unmaternal. I never wished to have children and was told I would never be able to have any (Oh the lies those doctors tell!). Rather like getting a dog recently, I would have been perfectly happy without, but also would not have realised what I was missing...
In an overpopulated world, those who are childless should be admired. And as a feminist, women do not need either a man or a child to complete them, so to ask anyone (including poor Royals) when they intend to have children is a gross impertinence!

Fire_Fox

fudgecat wrote: »

Huge sym[athies with all childless and wishing to stay the same. It is not a forgone conclusion that all women wish to have children however with society so geared to family life the nature nurture arguement can never be proved. My mother never wished to have children and was totally unmaternal. I never wished to have children and was told \i would never be able to have any (oh the lies those doctors tell!). Rather like getting a dog recently, I would have been perfectly happy without, but also have not realised what I was missing...
In an overpopulated world, those who are childless should be admired. And as a feminist, women do not need either a man or a child to complete them and to ask anyone (including poor Royals) when they intend to have children is a gross impertinence!

The preferred term is child free: childless implies something is missing. I believe many of us accept and understand what we are missing but still don't feel the negatives outweigh the positives. Some parents turn out not to have good maternal/ paternal instincts, some admit they would not be without their children but if they knew then what they knew now, many whinge constantly .... IMO many child free by choice do have a sort of hindsight-in-advance.

I feel sorry for the royal family too, there is so much pressure in a life that many of them didn't choose and you don't get to retire. I'm glad Kate and William were allowed to live together in relative privacy before they chose to marry. It would be incredibly tough to be a key member of the royal family and secretly gay, want to remain child free or infertile.

Hermia

GFN123 wrote: »

By the same token, I don't go round asking parents why on earth they wanted kids, something I cannot understand. So I do get riled by the "well-meaning" folk who think it is fine to invade my privacy, question my motives or sanity or assure me I will change, when we simply accept as 'normal' that people DO want them and never question that.

I kind of wish that people did go around questioning people about why they want children. I know two women who had a child in the belief it would save their marriage, one friend had a child because she wanted to have someone in her life who would love her unconditionally, a woman at my work got pregnant 'accidently' because she was tired of working and I know women who had a child because that's what you do when you get married. If people who want kids got questioned as much as we do about their motives perhaps some would think twice.

Edwardia

Child free by choice and there was no pressure from husband to have any as he had a daughter with first wife, who lives in US.

I was a nanny for a while in late teens/early twenties which was good fun and end of the day I could give them back to their parents. When SIL (bro's 1st wife) got pregnant she thought she'd gotten a free babysitter and I soon disabused her of that idea.

OH and I have a four bedroom house to ourselves which means plenty of space. If we had kids we'd still be struggling financially. My brother is on second marriage, has three daughters and two stepdaughters and it just seems like so much hassle with teenagers.

My parents bought me a dog one Christmas and he's lovely. No arguments, always pleased to see us, easy to feed.. only minus point between him and a child is he can't bring us a mug of tea Saturday morning !

OH is wicked, he walks past frazzled mothers in supermarkets when kid is screaming and says loudly: "102 reasons, why not to have children "

dizsiebubba

I admire those of you who admit the reasons for not wanting children and who are firm in their beliefs. I think its awful that people question you so much and you feel like they expect you to have to justify yourselves to them... From an economic point of view too, for every couple who have >2 kids, there needs to be a couple who have 0<2 kids or we will not have enough room for everybody!!!

I know couples who have had more than one child and obviously regret it but try to live their lives like they don't have kids and the poor kids live quite sad and lonely lives as a result, and then there are those who chose to keep an unplanned (unwanted being the key here) pregnancy to go on and struggle and again the child have a poor existance

I read this thread because I find it interesting and I don't like to be ignorant about other peoples choices in life... from my signature you can see i'm expecting my first child in a few months. I only want one and have always known that but already people are pushing me to have a 2nd / 3rd child (cue me thinking: this one is still cooking thanks and no i don't want your advice on how many kids i should have!) which i think is totally irresponsible!!!

However posts like this one do upset me a little:

Edwardia wrote: »

OH is wicked, he walks past frazzled mothers in supermarkets when kid is screaming and says loudly: "102 reasons, why not to have children "

In the same way you don't want people to criticise or question your choices...why criticse theirs? That poor mum might be suffering from the baby blues and silly comments aren't very nice...surely things like that make you a hypocrite???

Edwardia

You're a pregnant woman on a childfree thread so do I care what you think of my husband joking with mothers ? NO

0^0

Edwardia wrote: »

You're a pregnant woman on a childfree thread so do I care what you think of my husband joking with mothers ? NO

You seem to be having quite a go at pregnant mothers today on here dont you?:)

Underlying jealousy and resentment perhaps?

dizsiebubba

Edwardia wrote: »

You're a pregnant woman on a childfree thread so do I care what you think of my husband joking with mothers ? NO

Wow you totally missed the point of what I was saying and the entire paragraph above saying I agree with people who choose to stay child free...

elletee

Hmm why does every post I enter have some kind of personal argument on it... Don't take things so personally people - the person on the otherside of the screen doesn't know you... so just ignore any petty posts.

Anyhoo... I love kids, get on well with them, they love me, but have never really wanted any of my own (well maybe for about 1 month somewhere back there). I have never felt pressured or a weirdo for not having them. I think deep down the reason I don't want them is I'm too selfish I want to do my own thing when I want and spend my money on me. I have nothing at all against those who have children - each to their own and all that.

x