Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Almo

ilovecheese wrote: »

I am nearly 40 and have known from a very young age (13 or 14) that I was never going to have children.

I don't like children, I have nothing in common with them, and quite frankly i find them very irritating! (yes I know I used to be one!)

What annoys me is other women not being able to understand/accept the fact that I do not find their baby cute/adorable or their child sweet and fasinating. When people bring their babies/children in to work to show them off, I just walk in the other direction, mutting under my breath "my god this is not a creche"

I have lost touch with quite a few friends over the years, because I did not want to spend time with their children, I just don't get the appeal!

I am definately missing the maternal gene! Would love to live on an Island that did not allow children, that would be my idea of heaven!

Has anyone else that is CF noticed that parents on holiday never look happy? They always seem to be saying "don't do this", "don't do that", "no you can't have that", "don't touch that", "leave that alone" parents always look stressed even when they are supposed to be relaxing.

I am saving really hard this year so I can afford a holiday in an adult only resort! :cool:

I love my life, I love my husband, and I love being child free!

I'm CBFC and I empathise with a lot of what you say. However, I'm happy to make appropriate noises over friends' and colleagues' babies to a point. I won't go and coo over the baby of someone I barely know, but if a 'work friend' goes off and has a baby then brings it in I'll go and say hello (I WON'T hold the baby though) on the basis that I care about them and am happy for them.

Same with friends. And for close friends I even give them a grace period where I know that will be all they can talk about purely because that is the absolute focus at that point in their life (I'm talking strictly newborn: the grace period is months, not years). If they continue to be 100% baby then yes, the friendship naturally dies, but equally you can't ignore that a friend has had a baby!

no1gymbunny

You can't ignore the fact that a friend has a child, but how long is your 'grace period'? 20 years? In my experience, as soon as someone has a child that is all they seem to talk about forever more. I know this probably sounds really harsh. I remember several years back I went out for a friend's 30th birthday. We went for a meal. There was 10 of us, only me and one other were childless. The entire conversation at the meal was about their children and what was the best school, nursery and how much cleverer they are than the other children. Me and the other child-free person somehow ended up sitting together at the end of the table and were thrown pitying looks and told that as we both had pets then "they were our babies until we're blessed with real ones". They actually used those words. Does being a parent really make you that way? As in, you forget how you were before you had children? If so, that really scares me.

janey183

Child Free and Proud!!!:beer:
Never wanted children, didnt particulary like playing with dolls. Got all the "when you meet the right man" rubbish, but I just "knew" I didnt ever want them.
Ironicly alot of my previous work has been as a kids entertainer, au pair, kids courier etc and that was great, but then so is laying in a hot bath with a glass of wine and a good book in peace and quiet!

At 44 not many people ask me if I am going to have one anymore, which is fine with me.

I dont feel Ive lost out, I dont feel empty, in fact I LOVE being the eccentric "auntie" thats a little bit naughty and wild, wouldnt have it any other way.
:beer:

Almo

Nope, grace period is not 20 years. I did say it was months not years.

I would have been furious had someone made a comment about my pets being my babies until I was blessed with real ones and anyone who said that to me, or who sat by while their friend said it, would be out of my life. Quite apart from being condescending rubbish, HOW insensitive to those who prefer to leave others to think they are CFBC rather than unable to have kids? I am truly CFBC but I know of people who aren't but pretend to be.

I'm lucky that not all of my friends who've had babies have become like obsessed and unable to talk about anything else but I certainly know the type!

Person_one

no1gymbunny wrote: »

You can't ignore the fact that a friend has a child, but how long is your 'grace period'? 20 years? In my experience, as soon as someone has a child that is all they seem to talk about forever more. I know this probably sounds really harsh. I remember several years back I went out for a friend's 30th birthday. We went for a meal. There was 10 of us, only me and one other were childless. The entire conversation at the meal was about their children and what was the best school, nursery and how much cleverer they are than the other children. Me and the other child-free person somehow ended up sitting together at the end of the table and were thrown pitying looks and told that as we both had pets then "they were our babies until we're blessed with real ones". They actually used those words. Does being a parent really make you that way? As in, you forget how you were before you had children? If so, that really scares me.

I think you just need better friends.

I'm in my late twenties and lots of mine are starting to reproduce. Yes they do mention their children, because they're a huge part of their life, shockingly I as a childfree person even ask after the children because I think its nice to show an interest in my friend's lives.

However, 90% of the time we're together we'll talk about work, politics, stuff on the telly, current events, whatever exciting stuff is happening in ALL our lives.

Just as you hate the comments about your pets being your babies till you get real ones, I'm sure lot of parents would be pretty irritated by the idea that they're all incapable of carrying on a conversation about anything other than nappies and schools! If its not ok for them to make sweeping insulting comments its not ok for you either.

Katie_Cash-Strapped

no1gymbunny wrote: »

were thrown pitying looks and told that as we both had pets then "they were our babies until we're blessed with real ones". They actually used those words. Does being a parent really make you that way? As in, you forget how you were before you had children? If so, that really scares me.

no1gymbunny I have had the exact same from my friends. OH and I have two rabbits that we adore and call our babies. I sat with a group of 'mummies' at lunch one day and told them all we refer to them as babies and they roared with laughter and told me straight out I was sad. I felt like telling them they were sad contantly talking about nappy rash cream and In the Night Garden.
All of my friends with children don't talk to me any more and I find that partly sad as were were really good friends, but also a relief. I adore babies (not sure how I'd be with my own) but don't like them from toddlers on, so I am 99% sure I wont have children and my OH is the same. We are too selfish and like our routine.

Person_one

Night Garden rocks, actually.

ms_london

Just bumping this thread up.

I've just finished reading the following if anyone on this thread is interested:

No Way Baby! Exploring, Understanding and Defending the Decision NOT to Have Children by Karen Foster

Childfree and Loving It! by Nicki Defago

Some interesting points in both xx

Fire_Fox

Can't believe I have never posted on this thread!

I don't much like children (especially babies _pale_), am not a natural with them and definitely don't want any. Mostly I avoid or ignore children. However I was recently a bridesmaid and the happy couple's three little nieces were flower girls. I interacted with the shy little one at the wedding rehearsal, and again with a more confident little one sat opposite me at a meal, only to be told quite smugly that I am good with children. Er no, I was making an gargantuan effort because your wedding is important to me, because it's a bridesmaid's duty and because it was only for a couple of hours. :rotfl:

HeadAboveWater

No thank you

I've always been happy to hand back after the initial 'oooh and aaah' when someone I know has had a baby. I've never been through that broody stage like most of my friends. I'm now in the first relationship where I would even consider kids, but still, no thank you!!