Anyone Child Free By Choice?

richie17

In my early thirties (in the seventies) and married to my first husband I was sterilised as we knew we didn't want children and there had been a few near misses with other forms of contraception.

I can honestly say I have never regretted it. I just seemed to have lacked the gene that ever wanted children despite everyone saying I would change my mind in the future.

I have often found it hard to make a decision (problem seeing both sides of most things!) but this was one decision that seemed to make itself for me.

Mrs_Vimes

I am childfree by choice. I work with kids and love it. I also have no maternal instincts. I do care for the kids I work with but am happy with my OH and our life.
I don't see myself as selfish. I don't see people who choose to have children as selfish either.
I reckon I would probably make a good mum. I also know some people who are amazing parents and some who should not be allowed to look after a potted plant.
There are also people out there who would make good parents but are running out of time finding the 'right person'.
What I do know is that it is none of my business to ask 'When are you going to start a family?' type of question because it is a very personal decision or situation (because of circumstances out of someone's control).
I have never asked that question of anyone but was told by an employer 'You don't know what it is like to have to get a child out the door at the start of the day.' Can't repeat what I said back.:mad::mad::mad:

[Deleted User]

Mrs_Vimes wrote: »

I have never asked that question of anyone but was told by an employer 'You don't know what it is like to have to get a child out the door at the start of the day.' Can't repeat what I said back.:mad::mad::mad:

I don't know what your employer meant by this but personally, I would rather not know what it's like. I'm sure children bring a lot of joy and I look forward to being an Auntie, but there is nothing in me that would want to be responsible for another person. I agree with 'Life's Grand Plan' that many people have children for 'fun' (though I personally don't think it should be viewed as being fun since being a parent is a lot of hard graft) and I don't think being a parent should be the default option, since so many people seem ill-equipt to be responsible for bringing up another person.

Richie17: I love reading stories of people like yourself who have no regrets. I have two sets of aunties and uncles who are CF and way past child-bearing age who have no regrets, and a dear friend in her 60s who has never had children (though I'm not sure whether this is by choice or not) and leads a very active and happy life. Each to their own: I don't think anyone, no matter what their choice is, should be questioned about it because it's extremely personal and frankly, no one else's business.

Katexx

I don't think I'll ever have children. I certainly don't want them at the moment and can't imagine that ever changing! I can tolerate (some) kids for a couple of hours at most, then I'm more than happy to escape. I have no maternal feelings whatsoever and I can't stand the thought of being pregnant or giving birth. I'm only 22, so constantly have people saying "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older". All I can think is "I hope not!"

Thankfully my boyfriend (of 5 years) isn't fussed about having children. Fingers crossed that he doesn't change his mind!

[Deleted User]

Katexx wrote: »

I don't think I'll ever have children. I certainly don't want them at the moment and can't imagine that ever changing! I can tolerate (some) kids for a couple of hours at most, then I'm more than happy to escape. I have no maternal feelings whatsoever and I can't stand the thought of being pregnant or giving birth. I'm only 22, so constantly have people saying "oh, you'll change your mind when you're older". All I can think is "I hope not!"

Thankfully my boyfriend (of 5 years) isn't fussed about having children. Fingers crossed that he doesn't change his mind!

People telling you you'll change your mind is just ignorance and small-mindedness, implying that they believe everyone wants children some day. Hopefully one day, being child-free will be just as accepted as having children. After all, when someone announces they're having a baby, they are congratulated, even if they are in no fit state to be a parent. Part of me can't wait until I'm 40 and people will finally start taking me seriously when I say I don't want children instead of insisting I'll change my mind when I'm older.

AuntyEm_2

Hi I'm a forum newbie and just started another childfree thread as I didn't realise this one existed! (oops!)
Just been skimming through this thread and It's so great to see so many childfree people! We've recently gone from 'childless' (unable to have kids) to embracing our 'childfree' status and we're already reaping the benefits, physically, emotionally and financially!

ms_london

Hello all.

So nice to find a thread like this - I'm 31, single, and really do not want children. Again, have an adorable niece and nephew who I love, but children are not for me.

I get the whole 'but when you meet someone you may change your mind' - I doubt it.

So many people I know have a child as an accessory and for something to do, but can't wait to get rid of it at every available opportunity, not saying they don't deserve a break, but I don't understand it myself.
xx

pukkamum

I haven't read the whole thread so don't know if this has been said, but as a mother and i thnk a lot of parents would say the same, the love you have for your child is a love that you will never ever feel for anyone or anything else, it is all encompassing and i think a lot of people struggle with understanding why people would not want them.

Having said that i can completely understand it after all if we were all the same it would be a very sad world indeed.

I have a few friends who are childless by choice and i don't think they missing out on anything, they just live a different life, which i must admit i sometimes feel slightly jealous of, so perhaps jealousy is the reason behind some hurtful comments from people with children.

ms_london

pukkamum wrote: »

it is all encompassing and i think a lot of people struggle with understanding why people would not want them.

Hi Pukkamum

I stuggle to understand why people do want them most days - but that it just my opinion, each to their own.

[Deleted User]

pukkamum wrote: »

I haven't read the whole thread so don't know if this has been said, but as a mother and i thnk a lot of parents would say the same, the love you have for your child is a love that you will never ever feel for anyone or anything else, it is all encompassing and i think a lot of people struggle with understanding why people would not want them.

Having said that i can completely understand it after all if we were all the same it would be a very sad world indeed.

I have a few friends who are childless by choice and i don't think they missing out on anything, they just live a different life, which i must admit i sometimes feel slightly jealous of, so perhaps jealousy is the reason behind some hurtful comments from people with children.

Hi Pukkamum,

I think you make a good point about the jealousy as most hurtful comments are borne from resentment or jealousy (just think of kids who are bullied at school. The bullies are invariably hateful and jealous people). I understand, as you say, that the love for your child is all encompassing, though this is not something I wish to experience as I think it is coupled with a great amount of distress and worry that is not such a feature in romantic love, if that makes any sense. I agree completely that we should appreciate differences in people. Too many people are the subject of hurtful comments because of their life choices, sexuality, looks etc. I think we should celebrate differences rather than taking them as a personal affront. The friends I have who are parents are the ones who appreciate that not everyone chooses the same path in life as themselves.