Anyone Child Free By Choice?

SandC

Unless I become a totally cantankerous old biddie living like a hermit (actually now I think of it.......), there is no reason for anyone to have nobody around in their old age, someone always cares even if they are being paid to do so.

My elderly aunt has no children but she has people around who will come from the other side of the world if she needs them.

Be a good person, be open and welcoming to others and involve yourself in the lives of those you care about through your life and you won't want for support when you need it most.

Peater

Yeah, i find the 'have children so you have someone to look after you in old age' arguement quite revolting. If that's not the definition of selfish, i don't know what is.

Coincidentally, i lost my grandfather yesterday. He had moved in with my aunt some 10 years ago to be looked after. He suffered from lots of ills and more recently the onset of dementia. Having seen what my aunt had to cope with, i honestly couldn't do that to my child. Having children is a choice, caring for an eldery relative seems forced. My mother and father saw this too and have assured me that they would rather pay for care than put me or my sister through that.

SandC

Sorry for your loss Peater.

I have to agree, except I will say that most who do wish for children to 'look after them' when they are older have probably not been through the experience you and your family have with your grandfather.

Having been there myself me and my whole family wish for our own demise to be quick and peaceful as I'm sure those who suffered for years with degenerative conditions and all the complications that arise from those conditions probably would have preferred themselves.

[Deleted User]

I too am sorry for your loss Peater and send my wishes to you and your family.

I had this exact discussion with my partner's mother just a few days ago. She seemed hell-bent on convincing me that people who have no children die a lonely, isolated death. I argued that having children does not guarantee they will look after you and didn't believe it should be expected of them but she wasn't swaying from her position, stating that having children definitely increased the likelihood you would be well looked after if you were to become ill. I said no more on the topic because I didn't want to argue, but I found it disrespectful of her to 'warn' me in this way about what my fate would be if I didn't have children.

SandC

That's dreadful goldilockz. Good job we've all managed to develop thick skins eh? :cool:

Seriously though, so many of my friends from school have moved 100s of miles away and settled with their growing families some few hours drive from the 'family' home, as have their siblings.

So there will have to be some quite radical lifestyle changes going on in future years if those children are going to be looking after their parents. As I've said before, everyone has family 'stuff' to deal with over the years from time to time. Whole different thing if you've got a parent or other relative suffering from chronic ongoing illness that requires help for 10, 15, 20 years.

Ironically, it's often the child free offspring who will do the most of this caring. Not that there aren't many who do so whilst also taking care of their own families that is.

[Deleted User]

I agree SandC. My own mother is a full-time carer for her mother, who has chronic arthritis and has suffered several strokes. My uncle, on the other hand, lives further away and rarely visits. I would have no problems looking after my mother in old age, but I would resent that being expected of me (which it isn't). My best friend and his 4 siblings are estranged from their mother, who is an alcoholic. None of them know whether she is alive or dead. It cannot simply be assumed or expected that if you have children, they will automatically care for you in old age. Circumstances and people change and this should not be one of the conditions of being brought into the world.

LibbyR26

Huge thank you to all the posters on this thread. So refreshing to find other people who have made a conscience decision not to have kids. Nice to have somewhere we can express our views. Despite being one of the first generations to have reliable contraception and be able to make the choice, I still feel it is a taboo subject. Personally I have never wanted kids, can't really bothered with them and don't understand what the big deal about them is.

Like some of the others, I've had that old scaremongering line about dying alone but as, we all agree on this thread, having kids is no insurance against it. I see so many couples who are supposedly desperate to have kids and the first thing they do is stick the kids in daycare all day. Before anyone gets upset, I am not talking about families, for example single parents, who need to work in order to make ends meet. Many of the couples I know both work full time so that they can maintain their pre-kids lifestyle or simply cannot be bothered looking after their kids: I recently spoke to friend who is desperate to return to work because she "couldn't stand being at home looking after the kids." In her case, it will be the nanny who gets the kids up in the morning and by the time she gets home, there will only be a short time before the kids are in bed. Many kids I know spend more time with the childminder than with their parents. Makes me wonder why they have them!

I believe that this will this have a impact later in life. If the kids are taught at an early age that they come second to their parents lifestyles and desires, can you see them making room in their lives later and caring for their elderly parents? What goes around come around.

geoffky

My wife's friend works at a private nursery and the parents keep their kids in the place during the parents holidays from work..drop off a 7 am with nappies ect ect and pick up at 6pm.....that is not a parent..

Saturnalia

I don't get the argument that not having children is selfish. Selfish to whom? Is the definition of selfish not that someone else has to be harmed (inconvenienced, upset, otherwise put out) by the act, that the selfish person's desire to please themself is put ahead of either specific people or the greater good in general? So who is being disadvantaged by Person X not having a child?

No doubt there are some who will try to claim it is selfish towards the non-existent child!!! :rotfl:

[Deleted User]

Saturnalia wrote: »

I don't get the argument that not having children is selfish. Selfish to whom? Is the definition of selfish not that someone else has to be harmed (inconvenienced, upset, otherwise put out) by the act, that the selfish person's desire to please themself is put ahead of either specific people or the greater good in general? So who is being disadvantaged by Person X not having a child?

No doubt there are some who will try to claim it is selfish towards the non-existent child!!! :rotfl:

Completely true. I think it is more a strategy some parents use to make themselves look selfless for the sacrifices they have made in order to bring up their children. However, the logic is totally wrong and the mere act of calling someone selfish to make themselves appear less selfish is selfish in itself (if that makes sense...)