Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Hanging_by_a_thread

I am child free by choice. That is not to say that one day I wont decide that I am ready to be a parent, just that at the moment I want other things from my life. I agree with the poster above that it is not selfish to feel this way. In fact I think it would be far more selfish of me to bring a child into the world when it is not what I want at this time. You only have to know how many unfortunate kids are in care to understand that it is a huge step that lots of people dont think through enough before taking.

I enjoy leading a life of little responsibility except of course to myself, partner and immediate family. I can come and go as I please, spontaniously take a holiday, meet up with my friends whenever I like. I recently took a bit of a risk by retraining and aiming towards a new career. Something I might not have felt confidant about or have been so keen to do if I had the responsibility of providing for a family.

When I have children I want to be able to enjoy them. To be able to afford them and give them the best start in life possible. That is why holding back till I am ready is the right thing to do for me.

People do ask me alot when I am going to want kids. I never tell them it is not for me. Which would give them the chance to imply I dont know my own mind in their well meaning ways. I just say not ready yet, but will be one day. That seems to stop them in their tracks and gives them no fuel to argue with

Odette

Hanging_by_a_thread wrote: »

People do ask me alot when I am going to want kids. I never tell them it is not for me. Which would give them the chance to imply I dont know my own mind in their well meaning ways. I just say not ready yet, but will be one day. That seems to stop them in their tracks and gives them no fuel to argue with

I'm not trying to flame you but you're not CF if you are going to have children in the future? I think the message behind 'Child Free by Choice' is the fact that you don't intend to have children EVER.
Its a very different conversation when you have to respond "Its not for me".

Hanging_by_a_thread

Ooooops sorry, I think I got the gist of the thread a bit wrong. I imagine the conversation would be far different if I said I would always be CF.

[Deleted User]

Hanging_by_a_thread wrote: »

Ooooops sorry, I think I got the gist of the thread a bit wrong. I imagine the conversation would be far different if I said I would always be CF.

I agree with Odette. Being child-free by choice is the conscious decision not to have children whereas it sounds like you probably do want them one day. It's a real shame that some people don't accept others saying they don't want children...ever and, as you aptly put it, imply you don't know your own mind or that the decision is in some way not acceptable. What is far more unacceptable in my opinion, is people having children because it's the 'done' thing and, as Geoffky mentioned, fobbing their kids off onto other people so they that retain some aspect of their pre-children lifestyle (I have witnessed this happen a lot too). I don't think it helps that celebrities are always going on about the 'joys' of parenting and the hardship and sacrifices being a parent requires are rarely mentioned, so people are led to believe having children is all rainbows and butterflies and no hard graft. The reality is that most celebrities have a lot of help in looking after their children and have nannies to do most of the hard graft so they have retain their careers, which can't be said for the majority of parents. I commend you Hanging by a Thread, for being smart enough to realise it's not what you want at the moment and that people who decide to take a different path in life are not inherently selfish because they don't bring a child into the world.

lori64

catkins wrote: »

Thank you. The female doctor was very rude to me and was adamant I would change my mind. Funnily enough all these years later I have not!

Mind you she was a pretty useless Dr. I went to her with bad pains in my abdomen and she told me there was nothing wrong with me and it was all in my mind (I rarely visited a Dr so quite why she said this I don't know). A week or so later I collapsed with the ruptured ectopic pregnancy. The hospital told me I was lucky I did not die

I also went to see a female doctor when I was 32years old, about being sterilised, she point blank refused...as I would surely change my mind.............fast forward to 47years old, and I still didnt change my mind! Because Im a woman, I must love kids....sorry, I just find their presence irritating and i feel uncomfortable in their company!

[Deleted User]

lori64 wrote: »

I also went to see a female doctor when I was 32years old, about being sterilised, she point blank refused...as I would surely change my mind.............fast forward to 47years old, and I still didnt change my mind! Because Im a woman, I must love kids....sorry, I just find their presence irritating and i feel uncomfortable in their company!

I absolutely despise this generalisation that because we are born female, we 'should' love children, want to have them etc. I don't have this desire and while some people go on about it being every woman's biological destiny, I have never once had a desire to have a child so really can't comment on that. It annoys me that women are being refused sterilisation and told they'll change their minds. Surely you know your own mind better than a doctor who has only just met you?

thriftymanc

I'm not quite 30, so as people are forever reminding me I'm still fairly young and may change my mind at some point - but honestly? I can't see it happening. I cannot stand children. Other people's children annoy me immensely. I have never looked at a baby and thought "wow, I have to get me one of those". The idea of having to take care of a helpless little crapping machine that can't even lift its own head up makes me break out in a cold sweat. I'm far too selfish. I realise this probably makes me sound like a cold, horrible person but that's just the way I feel. The thought of actually being pregnant makes me feel physically sick almost to the point of being a phobia and even if I did want kids I don't think I could go through with it.

Animal babies, on the other hand, make me go all gooey and emit involuntary noises a couple of octaves beyond my natural register. So there is a heart in there somewhere. It's just not for human babies.

joannaspanner

thriftymanc wrote: »

I'm not quite 30, so as people are forever reminding me I'm still fairly young and may change my mind at some point - but honestly? I can't see it happening. I cannot stand children. Other people's children annoy me immensely. I have never looked at a baby and thought "wow, I have to get me one of those". The idea of having to take care of a helpless little crapping machine that can't even lift its own head up makes me break out in a cold sweat. I'm far too selfish. I realise this probably makes me sound like a cold, horrible person but that's just the way I feel. The thought of actually being pregnant makes me feel physically sick almost to the point of being a phobia and even if I did want kids I don't think I could go through with it.

Animal babies, on the other hand, make me go all gooey and emit involuntary noises a couple of octaves beyond my natural register. So there is a heart in there somewhere. It's just not for human babies.

ha, that could have been written by me!!

I'm 31 and married, never wanted any, my husband is older than me and has a 9 year old son with his first wife, he didn't want anymore so he went for the snip and the appointment was about 8 weeks after we got married. I get '' why did you bother getting married if you're not having kids?'' nice........

catkins

joannaspanner wrote: »

ha, that could have been written by me!!

I'm 31 and married, never wanted any, my husband is older than me and has a 9 year old son with his first wife, he didn't want anymore so he went for the snip and the appointment was about 8 weeks after we got married. I get '' why did you bother getting married if you're not having kids?'' nice........

Oh yes that's been said to me a few times over the years as though you only get married to have children!

billygoat31

If you want to make a massive cash outlay with the possible chance of a near zilch return then have a child. My choice is not to bother. The world isn't exactly short of people!