Anyone Child Free By Choice?

zippybungle

missfit44 wrote: »

They take the jobs then moan that they cant do the hours then go to the unions to try to get their hours changed. As for the school run and lack of sleep well when you make the choice to have kids then you cant expect not to do those things. After all they are your responsibility and the rest of us shouldnt be expected to work around parents. And I expect everyone has worked with someone who cannot do their hours at sometime because of their children and has also heard the excuse of but I have to have those times off as the children are out of school

So would you rather people who have Kids didn't bother working?
I work 4 days per week and have 3 Kids and yes it is hard work, and yes it is my choice.
Personally I have more issues with folk who have never done a hard days work in their life, have a brood of children which they can not afford and expect everyone else to pay for! and are probably better off financially than you or me!

Zippy x

dreamyd

I have a nephew (12) and niece (21mo) at the other end of the country, as well as close contact with the children of a close friend (aka the fairy godkids). We live quietly, we enjoy our relative freedom and a better standard of living than we would be able to otherwise. We are CFBC right now, although if we did get pregnant, it wouldn't be the end of the world. If we don't, well ,there are other ways to live a life. I take this attitude because I have never had a regular cycle, and have seen the utter anguish of peple around me who were desperate to have kids, and have either suffered multiple miscarriages or IVF failures. The family are cool about it on both sides, and if anyone starts getting nosy, I just say that I am grateful for what I already have, which usually shuts them up! That response is sufficiently ambiguous to avoid further intrusion from the 'parenting missionaries' without having to lie. Failing that, I often say ' last time I checked, it wasn't compulsory'.

Person_one

missfit44 wrote: »

They take the jobs then moan that they cant do the hours then go to the unions to try to get their hours changed. As for the school run and lack of sleep well when you make the choice to have kids then you cant expect not to do those things. After all they are your responsibility and the rest of us shouldnt be expected to work around parents. And I expect everyone has worked with someone who cannot do their hours at sometime because of their children and has also heard the excuse of but I have to have those times off as the children are out of school

Its important to remember that even though some of us don't want to have children, the survival of the species requires that some people do have them. They then need to be properly looked after for the sake of society as a whole, which they will one day join.

Its actually well proven that being a mother (not a father, oddly enough) has a huge detrimental effect on your career. No amount of early finishes or half terms off would be enough for me to think having children is worth it for me.

bexxie90

This is a brilliant topic.

I have 4 GF's who never wanted to have children,knew from an early age too.

2 of them adore my kids love children full stop but the other two are very much into their animals. They are great mates and its so nice to go somewhere where I dont have to talk constantly about nappies,children etc etc and I have THREE lol

I adore my children and how I came about being a mum to three well I will never know as though I love mine and worship the ground they walk on,I am not into other peoples,occassionally there will be the odd one or two children that I will take a shine to,but you can bet they are the ones I can talk to easy or the ones that love reading like myself etc.

I CAN understand people not having children and when I look back on the figure I had (being totally vain here) that pregnancy has ruined and when I just want the toilet on my own for a change I can see the appeal of being child free.
But then again when my son looks in my eyes and one of my girls says I love you I know why 'I' had children

I think each to their own and if you're happy with kids or without then good luck. I think at some point everyone envys the other...me for the peace and quiet for just one day lol

RacyRed

bargainbetty wrote: »

I work for lawyers so the last thing I need when i get home is another whining, crying, demanding little tyrant to care for. I have 50 at work, but at least they pay me a wage for wiping their !!!!!!.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Brilliant! And I 100% agree with you.

poet123

Having children or not is a very personal choice, and either choice should be respected by the other "camp".

I have gleaned though that though some of those who have children ask what could be construed as personal questions and make comments that annoy, there does not appear to be the underlying resentment from them that there appears to be from some those who are CFBC to those who do have kids.

Why does each camp not respect the choice of the other? I have friends with children and friends without. If you are organised life does not cease when you have kids, there is still time to do things for yourself if you want to. It just takes more planning.

Equally, life is not selfish or barren without kids. Same people, different choices.

mrcow

bexxie90 wrote: »

I adore my children and how I came about being a mum to three well I will never know as though I love mine and worship the ground they walk on,I am not into other peoples,occassionally there will be the odd one or two children that I will take a shine to,but you can bet they are the ones I can talk to easy or the ones that love reading like myself etc.

I've been thinking about this a lot recently.

For someone who doesn't really like "kid's stuff", I am doing a very good job of completely surrounding myself around children for the majority of my days (3 of my own plus I work as a teacher (and adore it) and have also lots of friends/family with copious numbers of children).

I've come to the realisation that it's not actually other people's children that bother me, it's the actual parents. I find it really hard to be around parents who appear to be either completely fe ckless or overindulgent, especially when their child is being a complete nuisance to everyone else around them. As I'm a parent, I tend to just find it annoying, whereas before I had children myself, I would more than likely found it completely overwhelming.

catkins

Mrs_pbradley936 wrote: »

There is a thread on here (I know because I posted on it but cannot find it) but anyway there was a link to a website that showed that those that had had children (now grown up) would not do so if they knew then what they know now. I think I might be one of them but my youngest is 28.

Also Fifer and his wife are child free by choice.

I posted on another thread that I have met more people (mainly women) who have said that although they love their children, if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any than ones who say they would still have children if they could go back.

I am talking quite a large number of people - I have lived abroad and in several different counties here and had quite a few jobs and I always seem to make friends fairly easily as I am a bit of a chatterbox!

They have all had grown up children by the way. I have rarely found anyone with youngish children who have said that.

I know my post received a lot of nasty replies and people saying they did not believe me but it is true. I feel that because I do not have children people feel they can talk to me honestly about how they feel about their children.

I find it very sad that they feel like that. I can honestly say I have never ever regretted our choice not to have children. An awful lot of them have said they feel that children ruined their marriage. The majority of them are divorced with quite a few on second or even third marriages

mrcow

catkins wrote: »

I posted on another thread that I have met more people (mainly women) who have said that although they love their children, if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any than ones who say they would still have children if they could go back.

They have all had grown up children by the way.

I've never heard anyone say that before -especially older parents. Most I know loved being parents especially as they're often also grandparents by that stage too, which is often an even nicer job for many!

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Having children or not is a very personal choice, and either choice should be respected by the other "camp".

I have gleaned though that though some of those who have children ask what could be construed as personal questions and make comments that annoy, there does not appear to be the underlying resentment from them that there appears to be from some those who are CFBC to those who do have kids.

Why does each camp not respect the choice of the other? I have friends with children and friends without. If you are organised life does not cease when you have kids, there is still time to do things for yourself if you want to. It just takes more planning.

Equally, life is not selfish or barren without kids. Same people, different choices.

The people who have children have made the choice that is expected of them and deemed 'normal' by society at large. People who choose not are seen to have stepped outside of what is 'normal' and too many people feel that they deserve an explanation or a justification, or make judgements based on that choice.

This isn't restricted to people who actually have children, people who don't have them but never questioned that they will can be equally annoying!

Nobody ever asks a parent why they decided to have children, but CFBC people are constantly expected to explain their reasoning and are regularly judged and deemed lacking for their choice. You can see why frustration starts to build!

I don't resent parents at all, why would I? I don't want what they have! I do however get tired of the unquestioned expectation that I will too (I'm 26, everybody else is starting to get married and make babies, this comes up a lot in my life!) and of being constantly put in awkward positions by strangers asking about my sex life, which is essentially what asking about plans for children boils down to!