Anyone Child Free By Choice?

RacyRed

catkins wrote: »

I posted on another thread that I have met more people (mainly women) who have said that although they love their children, if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any than ones who say they would still have children if they could go back.

I am talking quite a large number of people - I have lived abroad and in several different counties here and had quite a few jobs and I always seem to make friends fairly easily as I am a bit of a chatterbox!

They have all had grown up children by the way. I have rarely found anyone with youngish children who have said that.

I know my post received a lot of nasty replies and people saying they did not believe me but it is true. I feel that because I do not have children people feel they can talk to me honestly about how they feel about their children.

I find it very sad that they feel like that. I can honestly say I have never ever regretted our choice not to have children. An awful lot of them have said they feel that children ruined their marriage. The majority of them are divorced with quite a few on second or even third marriages

That is not the sort of comment a parent is going to make to another parent, simply becuse the opportunity would rarely arise. Other parents tend to object quite vocally to having their life choices questioned.

But when people want to discuss the whole "so why didn't you have children?" thing, that is when they feel free enough to say they sometimes wish they hadn't had any themselves.

mrcow

RacyRed wrote: »

That is not the sort of comment a parent is going to make to another parent, simply becuse the opportunity would rarely arise. Other parents tend to object quite vocally to having their life choices questioned.

But when people want to discuss the whole "so why didn't you have children?" thing, that is when they feel free enough to say they sometimes wish they hadn't had any themselves.

Either that, or maybe they are just humouring you?

RacyRed

mrcow wrote: »

Either that, or maybe they are just humouring you?

Doubt it, they don't need to humour me. I'm not anti-children and respect the choices of others.

As you are a teacher and a parent, I genuinely suspect you are the one being humoured.

pozalina

I've found this thread interesting. I've learned a fair bit about how annoying it must be to be CFBC and constantly challenged 'why' by others. As a parent myself I always wanted children so to some extent have been curious about a choice not to, in the same way that I would be curious about any other life choice different to my own. However, I would never dream of asking anyone a personal question about why or why not they do not have children. Having suffered a miscarriage myself, and having had close friends who have been through infertility I know it is totally insentitive to discuss when/if someone is going to have babies. Never mind none of my business!

mrcow

RacyRed wrote: »

Doubt it, they don't need to humour me. I'm not anti-children and respect the choices of others.

As you are a teacher and a parent, I genuinely suspect you are the one being humoured.

lol maybe, but I was still very much child-free long past the ripe old age of 26 though, and still never heard anyone saying it.

catkins

mrcow wrote: »

I've never heard anyone say that before -especially older parents. Most I know loved being parents especially as they're often also grandparents by that stage too, which is often an even nicer job for many!

Do you have children though? I do think parents are more likely to say it to someone who is child free because they think another parent will be shocked or whatever.

Over the years I have met many many people who have said it, not just one or two

Frugalista

I have also had many people tell me that, if they could go back in time, they wouldn't have had their children. Maybe it is because I am not only CFBC but I really don't like children anyway - so I am less likely to be shocked to hear that.

Hermia

pozalina wrote: »

As a parent myself I always wanted children so to some extent have been curious about a choice not to, in the same way that I would be curious about any other life choice different to my own. However, I would never dream of asking anyone a personal question about why or why not they do not have children.

I personally don't have a problem with people asking me why I don't want kids as long as it is asked in a spirit of genuine curiosity. What I don't like is when someone has clearly already made up their mind why I don't want kids (the armchair psychologists!) or are clearly just wanting to judge me. But, I can totally understand why someone might be curious & am happy to answer. I personally think we should start asking people why they want children! I have friends who have had a child for not that great reasons (e.g. in the belief it would stop their husband leaving them, because she didn't want to go out to work or because they wanted somebody who would love them unconditionally). Maybe if people who wanted children had to justify their reasons they way childfree people did they might think about it more deeply.

SandC

I'm CFBC but Im genuinely surprised by how many of you have had people tell you they may have done things differently now that they know what it's like having kids. I don't know anyone who has admitted to feeling like that.

I don't get any grief these days I've found - probs cos I'm over 40 now and they get that I did actually mean it. I hate the generalisation that is used (and often by the ones who didn't want children but then changed their minds) - that being child free is selfish. Maybe many child free people are a little selfish but the statement insinuates that having children is therefore selfless and that is not true. Parents have children because they want to - not as an act of selflessness.

Your life changes and shifts around is all - both choices being perfectly valid.

kdenty

My other half went out with a group of his friends last night who now all seem to have young children. He said they spent hours complaining about being woken at 4am, 5am, toddler tantrums and the stress etc. Then they asked him "when are you and your Mrs having Kids?" :rotfl:Needless to say we are happy with sleeping well and not stressing about 'little people problems'.