Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Ballyhoo

katerinasol wrote: »

That is such an annoying thing to say to someone! It's like saying, 'You only say you don't like children because you're jealous because you don't have any'!

My nan keeps assuming I'm super keen to have kids, and every time she asks me and I say I don't want any, she acts horrified! No amount of telling her that at 22, I have slightly different priorities that may change in the future can convince her that I'm not normal because I'm not rushing off to get an ovulating kit.

I think in the future it will become much easier for people to be CFBC without any hassle/misguided sympathy from people because future generations will realise that it's not necessary to have children in order to live a fulfilled life.

You just wait. I'm 29 and my life is FILLED with other people's children and the constant barrage of questions/judgements/pitying "knowing" looks.

I think I'm at the point where many of my previously child-free friends are getting pregnant and giving me the whole "come on in, the water's lovely!" sort of arguments which leave me cold. Only recently have I started to receive the slightly concerned questions which strike me as revealing more about them than about me. I often wonder why my inquisitor is asking - is it jealousy? Genuine pity? Concern that I might have dodgy plumbing?

My partner and I just aren't that into kids. And that's the end of it. This might change, but I can't see it happening. On a psychological level, I am 10 years older than my youngest sister and maybe I already feel like I've done the whole wiping bottoms and making tea business.

Whatever the reason, I'm pretty sure thats the reason I tend to avoid my pregnant friends. I'm really good at the whole asking questions bit, but I can't bear the moment that Proud New Mum hands me her precious offspring and expects me to melt into a puddle of goo. It's like I'm being tested for human emotion, and my lack of response makes me a dalek or something.

caledonian_princess

Ballyhoo wrote: »

Whatever the reason, I'm pretty sure thats the reason I tend to avoid my pregnant friends. I'm really good at the whole asking questions bit, but I can't bear the moment that Proud New Mum hands me her precious offspring and expects me to melt into a puddle of goo. It's like I'm being tested for human emotion, and my lack of response makes me a dalek or something.

I can relate to this. When a baby was brought into the office for the obligatory cooing session I was more or less forced to hold the wee mite while they all watched closely for incipient maternal feelings. Naturally nothing happened and I've often wondered what they expected to happen.

I knew when I was 16 that I didn't want children and nothing since has ever changed my mind. In a few years it will be too late and yet I'm still not being deafened by the ticking of my biological clock.

Chacun a son gout, personally I love my child free life.

Hermia

tealady wrote: »

I haven't got children, never wanted them (knew that when in my teens).
I have had people assume that:-
1) I was some sort of wicked child hurting weirdo

A woman once told me that I "was no better than Myra Hindley"... I was speechless!

SandC

Good grief Hermia! I would've been speechless too. That is so wrong!

I think Person_One articulated it very well though - the selfish/selflessness issue.

I have no idea why I don't want and have never wanted children. I am not a high flier (as career seems to come into it so much - but it's certainly never stopped anyone I know) but generally speaking I feel content with my lot. Why shake that up?

I always said to friends that I never wanted children but I was quite prepared for that to change in a nanosecond because I've seen it happen often. I always thought the only thing that could change it would be meeting the love of my life and wanting to have an extension of us both. Well, I never met the love of my life up to yet and if I were to meet him now - well I'd be kinda glad that in all probability he'd already have children and wouldn't want any more and I could breathe a sigh of relief that at 40 years old it's no longer expected of me.

Hermia

SandC wrote: »

Good grief Hermia! I would've been speechless too. That is so wrong!

I think Person_One articulated it very well though - the selfish/selflessness issue.

It's not often that I am speechless!

The selfishness thing really interests me. Firstly because a lot of childless people have other responsibilities. E.g. I know quite a lot of childless people who are carers for their elderly/ill parents and they sometimes had to make huge sacrifices to do this.

Secondly, I do meet quite a few selfish parents in my job. I sadly meet quite a few parents who don't put their kids first. And I also see parents who have transferred their selfishness from themselves to being selfish on behalf of their kids. These are the parents who try and grab everything for their child even if it leaves other children without.

prettyflamingo

ditto, myself and OH have never wanted kids and that is not likely to change. In fact, i am looking into sterilization to avoid any possibility. OH's brother and SIL have 3 boys and although they are great as kids go, they are very tiring to spend time with and TBH just help to reinforce our decision! also seeing people not being able to go on holidays, do what they want without having to think of kids- thats my idea of hell really! it may well be seen as selfish but if thats what people think then I really dont care!
i find it very old fashioned that people expect you to have kids- we have been together 9 years and went through relatives asking and hinting about kids for about 3 years, they seem to have given up for now but i can imagine that when we get to the engagement and wedding (which i am still determined to have, even though certain people seem to think that you only get married to have kids, so why would we get married if we arent having any?!!) the questions and hints will begin again. i used to try to be subtle about it, but not i just say outright that we dont want kids and wont be having any. usually stops the lines of questioning.

poet123

prettyflamingo wrote: »

ditto, myself and OH have never wanted kids and that is not likely to change. In fact, i am looking into sterilization to avoid any possibility. OH's brother and SIL have 3 boys and although they are great as kids go, they are very tiring to spend time with and TBH just help to reinforce our decision! also seeing people not being able to go on holidays, do what they want without having to think of kids- thats my idea of hell really! it may well be seen as selfish but if thats what people think then I really dont care!
i find it very old fashioned that people expect you to have kids- we have been together 9 years and went through relatives asking and hinting about kids for about 3 years, they seem to have given up for now but i can imagine that when we get to the engagement and wedding (which i am still determined to have, even though certain people seem to think that you only get married to have kids, so why would we get married if we arent having any?!!) the questions and hints will begin again. i used to try to be subtle about it, but not i just say outright that we dont want kids and wont be having any. usually stops the lines of questioning.

You must obviously do as you wish, but the bit in bold is not necessarily confined to those with kids.

We have always had holidays, and although of course, we have always considered the kids, it hasn't limited our pleasures, it just takes a bit more organisation.

prettyflamingo

poet123 wrote: »

You must obviously do as you wish, but the bit in bold is not necessarily confined to those with kids.

We have always had holidays, and although of course, we have always considered the kids, it hasn't limited our pleasures, it just takes a bit more organisation.

a fair enough point, I agree that my comment doesnt apply to everyone, likewise your comment doesnt either! there are people who can afford to carry on doing holidays etc, but I was mainly referring to the countless people i know who are on lower incomes and havent been on holiday as much as i have since they had kids, whereas before having kids they would have gone on holiday as much as possible.

poet123

prettyflamingo wrote: »

a fair enough point, I agree that my comment doesnt apply to everyone, likewise your comment doesnt either! there are people who can afford to carry on doing holidays etc, but I was mainly referring to the countless people i know who are on lower incomes and havent been on holiday as much as i have since they had kids, whereas before having kids they would have gone on holiday as much as possible.

That was why I said "necessarily";) I was thinking that there are countless other reasons why holidays would not happen; unemployment, carers responsibilities, pets, work commitments, etc, etc. Restrictions are not solely child related, or even mainly, imo.

prettyflamingo

poet123 wrote: »

That was why I said "necessarily";) I was thinking that there are countless other reasons why holidays would not happen; unemployment, carers responsibilities, pets, work commitments, etc, etc. Restrictions are not solely child related, or even mainly, imo.

exactly
however theres probably very few people on this thread who will have a change of mind having read your reply, considering that is only one of many reasons why people choose to be child free.
i'm not here to get into a debate about it, for me there is no point. i will never change my mind :money: