Anyone Child Free By Choice?

leandygandy

My husband and I were going to be child free, we were going to get a nice house, have wonderful holidays and some much loved dogs. I liked other people's children but didn't particularly want my own. We were both on the same page as to how our life would pan out.

Then we changed our minds last summer and now have a baby due in September. All the people around us who told us we'd change our minds as we got older said 'TOLD YOU SO'

Grrrr I hate having proved them right!

I am certainly of the thinking that it is individual choice whether to have children or not - and actually am more offended by people who imo have more children than they can afford (I don't include those who had kids and then their circumstances changed btw) than by those who choose not to have children.

It always baffled me though, why is it anybody's business whether you want kids or not? OK, so the 'norm' is that most people do, but each to their own huh?! And there's no need to be rude when someone tells you their preference to not have children...

tealady

I haven't got children, never wanted them (knew that when in my teens).
I have had people assume that:-
1) I was some sort of wicked child hurting weirdo
2) Selfish (yes I am a bit because I live my life they way I wan't to, same as people who CHOSE to have kids do)
3) Lying

When will people realise that we dont all have the "urge to breed" as I call it. When I hear of the problems caused by their kids to some parents, I know I made the right choice.
Oh an to those people who may think my cats are "child substitutes" they are most definately NOT, I just love cats!!!

Sorry if this has turned out as a bit of a rant, I have friends who have kids and I enjoy meeting with them (and seeing their kids) but I don't want kids of my own.

Turtle

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

On another note, I had (notice the past tense!) 1 very good friend who always maintained that her and her husband didn't want children. When my first baby was born, she started to blank me. He was just becoming a toddler when she started talking to me again and I fell pregnant for the second time. Again, once the baby was born, if she saw me with him she would blank me. I suspect that she wanted children but her DH didn't - why else would she blank me when I had a baby with me? She is in her 50s now, so its not going to happen.

D.

Maybe she just couldn't stand babies?

You might have done both 'childless' and 'with child', and you might well prefer your life with children, but that's just your opinion. It does not mean everyone will feel the same. I have no children and certainly do not intend to have any and patronising 'I've done both and having children is better' attitudes really make me cross :mad:

katerinasol

Oh my god, I was just browsing through this forum yesterday and wondering about CFBC people! Thank god I found this thread!

I'm still fairly young, I'm 22, my boyfriend (soon-to-be-husband) is 32 and we're both remaining child-free for at least another couple of years. We want to travel and see the world before settling down up to our elbows in nappies! I think we're just waiting for my biological clock to start ticking but at the moment babies/toddlers/kids just baffle (and mildly irritate) me. Plus the whole idea of pregnancy is kind of gross too.

Loads of girls I went to school with had babies as soon as they left after their GCSE's, and I read their Facebook posts about struggling as a single mother, unruly kids, child support battles with exes and just think... why?! They all live in council flats too. I know I'm being judgemental but I think people should make a career before having kids at least, and none of these girls have.... they're working crappy part-time jobs with no prospects. It just makes me feel sad, as I see them saying they're jealous that all their mates go out all the time and they lost touch with loads of friends because they have nothing in common anymore.

My MIL was a bit of a nightmare before! She's wanted grandchildren for ages and whenever we would all go out to a family gathering, she would get drunk and start moaning about how she wanted grandchildren and I didn't want to have any for a few years yet and it was so unfair. It was all said as a joke and I laughed at it but deep down started thinking, 'What I do with my womb is none of your business, if you want to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet in your house so much, why don't you have another kid?!' In the end, I brought it up over dinner one evening and she agreed that it was obviously up to me and my boyfriend and we should spend at least a few years enjoying our marriage before we even think about kids. Which is another thing I don't really understand about newly married couples - why start trying for a child straight away? What's the rush?

meerkat2007

Just the other day I was having a text conversation with a male friend - he's considerably younger than me, and would like to be more than just a friend - during which he said that he thought I'd make a great mother.

It was only when I finally told him that my hero is the Childcatcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang that he got the message about my feelings about children!

CFBC and proud of it!

tinktinktinkerbell

im child free through choice, i can think of nothing worse for me than having kids

im even going as far as not having sex to make sure i 100% avoid pregnancy

poet123

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

On another note, I had (notice the past tense!) 1 very good friend who always maintained that her and her husband didn't want children. When my first baby was born, she started to blank me. He was just becoming a toddler when she started talking to me again and I fell pregnant for the second time. Again, once the baby was born, if she saw me with him she would blank me. I suspect that she wanted children but her DH didn't - why else would she blank me when I had a baby with me? She is in her 50s now, so its not going to happen.

D.

I had a friend exactly like this too. She virtually cut off all contact with all our circle when we had children. She had always been adamant that she never wanted children, so we all assumed this was the reason. It was only years later that I found out that she had had numerous IVF attempts and and was a guinea pig for GIFT. I then realised that distancing herself was a defence mechanism and I understood why she had behaved as she did.

So, it is not always as simple as merely saying you never want children.

*max*

I never understood this sentiment that chosing not to have children is selfish. I can't grasp the concept. Does it derive that people who chose to have children are selfless? As in, the children born to them are going to be so much better off than if they had not been born? How on earth could they possibly know that? To me, that is an incredibly arrogant and conceited way of thinking!

Person_one

*max* wrote: »

I never understood this sentiment that chosing not to have children is selfish. I can't grasp the concept. Does it derive that people who chose to have children are selfless? As in, the children born to them are going to be so much better off than if they had not been born? How on earth could they possibly know that? To me, that is an incredibly arrogant and conceited way of thinking!

My take...

The decision to have children is a selfish one, people have them because they want babies, not to give some down on its luck spermatazoa a chance at a life!

However, once children are around, parents kind of have to become a bit selfless if they're going to be any good at the job. Instincts usually kick in to make sure the parent puts the child first, ahead of themselves.

So parents experience selflessness and forget that it was a selfish action which led to it.

What I really don't get are the people who say you can't know for sure that you don't want children because you've never had children. Um, I don't think its a great idea for me to create a human life just in case I happen to enjoy caring for it! What if I don't! Better safe than sorry when it comes to making people.

katerinasol

Person_one wrote: »

What I really don't get are the people who say you can't know for sure that you don't want children because you've never had children. Um, I don't think its a great idea for me to create a human life just in case I happen to enjoy caring for it! What if I don't! Better safe than sorry when it comes to making people.

That is such an annoying thing to say to someone! It's like saying, 'You only say you don't like children because you're jealous because you don't have any'!

My nan keeps assuming I'm super keen to have kids, and every time she asks me and I say I don't want any, she acts horrified! No amount of telling her that at 22, I have slightly different priorities that may change in the future can convince her that I'm not normal because I'm not rushing off to get an ovulating kit.

I think in the future it will become much easier for people to be CFBC without any hassle/misguided sympathy from people because future generations will realise that it's not necessary to have children in order to live a fulfilled life.