Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Bufger

wow it was nice to read this again. Seeing my post 3 posts up when she was 9 weeks pregnant was strange!

By the way it was the right decision for us both. Shes more maternal than anyone i know!!!

clairehi

Bufger wrote: »

wow it was nice to read this again. Seeing my post 3 posts up when she was 9 weeks pregnant was strange!

By the way it was the right decision for us both. Shes more maternal than anyone i know!!!

congratulations, really glad it worked out for you.

Person_one

Bufger wrote: »

wow it was nice to read this again. Seeing my post 3 posts up when she was 9 weeks pregnant was strange!

By the way it was the right decision for us both. Shes more maternal than anyone i know!!!

Yep, what a blast from the past! Congrats on your new arrival.

I have a gorgeous nephew since last posting on this thread, I love him more than I would have ever thought possible but I still don't want one of my own!

BubblyMumbles

Nice to see this again!

And nice to see the subject being brought up again in the recent other thread.

Not nice to see that CFBC people are still experiencing the same amount of rubbish though.

foreverdelayed4

Hi all,

I was wondering if anyone could point me in the direction of any UK-based blogs on being child-free? I'm about to do my dissertation on this subject, and it would be extremely useful for me to have access to these.

Thanks and best wishes,

xxx

Bambywamby

catkins wrote: »

I have been married 30 years and chose not to have children.
I have also had all the "you will regret it" comments along with "you will have no one to look after you when you are old" and "you will end up very lonely". One woman said "I hope your husband does not die before you because you will end up old and alone"! I am no longer amazed at how rude people can be.

In the past I have got annoyed but now I just ignore them. I can't be bothered to give the facts that some of the loneliest, least visited people in old persons homes are the ones with children. Your children can die before you, emigrate, fall out with you etc etc. Also having children so that there is someone to look after you if and when you get old is a pretty stupid and selfish reason to have any.

QUOTE]

I have to disagree with the section of your statement in bold font as I have worked in Nursing/Care homes for over 20 years and in general those with children get visited a lot more than those that haven't had children. That is obviously a very poor reason to have children - to be looked after in old age.
However, I did note that you were more likely to get dementia if you had children than not. I think that speaks volumes.:rotfl:

murphydog999

ninky wrote: »

i don't think it's just coincidence that the most famous philosophical thinkers have either been childfree or not had responsibility for childcare.

unfortunately i also think there is still a big difference on average between male and female people who decide to have children. it's that whole virginia woolf 'room of one's own' thing. men still seem able to have kids and because they assumption is the woman will be the primary care provider they still find space for themselves. unless women are rich enough to have nannies it's rare to find a female who enjoys such space.

i'm looking to go travelling and maybe move around overseas in the next few years and i don't think it would be fair to do that with children. children seem to need stability and routine - two things that spell boredom to me.

Oh good, a thread to redress the balance.

Totally agree with the above comment and can empathise with the others who have been looked at / treated differently when it comes out that you haven't produced a sprog or two.

Having been an 'army wife', I was always the 'outsider' at gatherings, other wives never had anything else to talk about, and while I could ask the usual 'how's the family' type questions, once they knew we didn't intend to have kids, that was end of conversation.

I'm sure kids can be very rewarding, but they are SUCH a responsibility, SO expensive, and SUCH a drain on our precious time. I just knew that it would come to the stage where I would resent the decision when I/we couldn't do what we want, when we wanted. Selfish maybe, but you only live once.

We get on better with childless couples, but there don't seem to be many around - a website would be a great idea. A business opportunity if ever I saw one!

picnmix

Reading this thread with interest, can't beleive that anyone would make comments on someones life choices, I have plenty of friends who are CFBC and I dont feel sorry for them, their life choices are their own business I have 2 kiddies, but was married for 12 years before we decided to have our first. No-one ever mentioned the fact that we didnt have kiddies until we got preggers, then my SIL said that she thought we didnt want them.

Personally I dont see why its such a big deal, or why friends and family think it acceptable to comment on someones personal choice.

We didnt decide to have children to leave something behind, or for someone to look after us in our old age - I'm not sure that is the norm anymore as families seem to live so far apart. I have a carer, my OH runs his own business. We just decided that it was what we wanted to do with this part of our life. We had a ball of a time before kiddies came along and have equally, but different good times now. From being a geriatric mum (honest to god that was written in my notes - I was only in my 30s!) and spending many years doing exactly what we wanted, I can see both sides of the coin, I do miss the complete ability to do what I would like on my days off, and when your ill its a pain as you cant really be ill you just have to get one with it, but equally our children bring us joy and laughter, but this is not for everyone and it is a personal choice, and in my opinion whats the problem if someone doesnt want kids.

With regards to being treated differently at work, if I have childcare issues or have to take a day off because of school closure I use my AL, if I one of the kiddies has an assembly which means being late into work, I use my AL, so get treated no differently then any other employee. We do have a family and domestic leave policy at work, but I have never used this, and many of my CF colleagues have . We have to cover the Christmas period so always work over the Xmas holidays for atleast 2 days. I dont have any problem with this as it is my choice to be a working parent and would not want to be treated any differently then any of my coleagues.

For those of you CFBC tell anyone who mentions this is a negative way to mind their own chuffing business!

goodgirl80

angelicmary85 wrote: »

I think maybe S_S has said it's 'strange' becauseit could just be seen as 'strange' to some people because 'you're supposed to have them' as in, that's 'what's 'expected'

People think its 'strange' because they are unable to overcome their innate biological imperatives.

catkins

Bambywamby wrote: »

catkins wrote: »

I have been married 30 years and chose not to have children.
I have also had all the "you will regret it" comments along with "you will have no one to look after you when you are old" and "you will end up very lonely". One woman said "I hope your husband does not die before you because you will end up old and alone"! I am no longer amazed at how rude people can be.

In the past I have got annoyed but now I just ignore them. I can't be bothered to give the facts that some of the loneliest, least visited people in old persons homes are the ones with children. Your children can die before you, emigrate, fall out with you etc etc. Also having children so that there is someone to look after you if and when you get old is a pretty stupid and selfish reason to have any.

QUOTE]

I have to disagree with the section of your statement in bold font as I have worked in Nursing/Care homes for over 20 years and in general those with children get visited a lot more than those that haven't had children. That is obviously a very poor reason to have children - to be looked after in old age.
However, I did note that you were more likely to get dementia if you had children than not. I think that speaks volumes.:rotfl:

A few years ago I read a couple of reports that stated that a lot of the least visited people in old peoples homes were the ones with children. I can't remember now where I read it or who the reports were done by