Anyone Child Free By Choice?

Swinstie73

ceridwen wrote: »

I totally DO NOT understand why people who are thinking of getting together do not sit down and discuss such an important issue beforehand.

Whatever view one has on whether to have children or no - its obvious to me that its VITAL to make sure that the other person has the same views as you do yourself. I've seen so many women inveigle men into parenthood - AFTER they have got together. If you want children - then make sure your prospective partner does too. If you DONT want children - then make sure your prospective partner doesnt want them either. Its not rocket science.

Why on earth DONT they discuss this in advance? Its just obviously so wrong to go into marriage/living together thinking "I'll change him/her" on this topic. Then they wonder why they end up a divorce statistic....:cool:

I agree ceridwen, I only had this conversation with my OH last night (after three years together) but deep down I knew he probably wouldn't want more kids and as I wasn't bothered either we never discussed it, one thing I want to know though (not that it will make any difference to our decision) but deep down, did he get any inkling that I didn't want kids, or did he assume as I was childless at my age that I wouldn't want any!? In hindsight, I wish we discussed it sooner, now we have we can get on with our relationship happily knowing kids won't come into it.

My only worry now, is how to prevent an 'accident' (on contraception) but even that isn't 100% effective. We'd deal with it if it happened but I'd prefer to not have the worry if it ever did IYSWIM!

Treacly

Swinstie73 wrote: »

My only worry now, is how to prevent an 'accident' (on contraception) but even that isn't 100% effective. We'd deal with it if it happened but I'd prefer to not have the worry if it ever did IYSWIM!

I know I shouldn't have returned to this darn thread, but I just can't stop myself from gently suggesting that you could perhaps get yourself sterilised. I did (at 30) - it's free, it's an out-patient job via laparoscopy, and it brings a quite overwhelming feeling of joy and freedom. Great for people who DON'T want children but DO want sex...

Treacly

And while I'm here I suppose I might as well try to elaborate on the 'sinister baby' thing (although I did explain in an earlier thread).

A human being is in the room. It's doubly incontinent, vomits often, emits unearthly, ear-splitting shrieks. It can't focus its eyes or control its limbs. It moves in spasms, grasping with its fingers. It is utterly, utterly selfish and has no conception of 'the other' - it is human, but also entirely animal. I find it sinister.

Hey ho - I guess it's just a point of view thing!

Swinstie73

Have thought about sterilisation Treacly as I know someone who did so at 25 as she was adamant she didn't want kids! I only met OH at age 33 and I guess never considered it before now but it is an option. Although maybe he could get the snip instead, ha! Ah the dilemas we have, eh! My sister also had it done but she had two kids quite close together and didn't want more.

The sinister baby is quite funny, I first realised OH wasn't too into having kids when he held his pals baby and was holding it like it was an alien, was quite amusing but also worrying as he already has a son (who is now 18).

ThinkingOfLinking

Due to the fact I spent most of my childhood in the company of adults or alone with my books, I outgrew my peers very fast and found kids alien to me. I don't have the patience and I also enjoy being able to be spontaneous, eg just up and go off somewhere without having to consider any kids. However, I don't hate kids and if I was to fall pregnant, I would keep the baby and do my best for it. A child is a lifetime commitment so you really have to be so sure you want one, and secure in your relationship; as I also don't think I want to get married, I don't feel I want to bring a child into that environment. Don't get me wrong, I was born to unmarried parents, and don't look down on them, but I ended up being raised by a single parent and due to other issues, wouldn't want to put my own potential kid through that misery so would want a secure foundation for them if this makes sense.

Overall, I say each to their own, and I don't think people should be feeling sorry for eachother just because their viewpoints differ; that is just patronising.

galvanizersbaby

Treacly wrote: »

And while I'm here I suppose I might as well try to elaborate on the 'sinister baby' thing (although I did explain in an earlier thread).

A human being is in the room. It's doubly incontinent, vomits often, emits unearthly, ear-splitting shrieks. It can't focus its eyes or control its limbs. It moves in spasms, grasping with its fingers. It is utterly, utterly selfish and has no conception of 'the other' - it is human, but also entirely animal. I find it sinister.

Hey ho - I guess it's just a point of view thing![/QUOTE]

Guess we were all sinister once! :rotfl:

Swinstie73

Hi all, just wanted to update that myself and OH have decided that we don't want kids so he is going to get 'sorted', so all worries of 'accidents' are eliminated. He is 100% sure he doesn't want more kids and I'm 99.9% sure I don't want any, there will always be the 0.01% of me wondering 'what if', but that isn't enough for me to dump him go and try finding someone who wants them, or visiting a sperm bank only to find out maybe I can't have any anyway. Someone said to me yesterday are you sure, it's different when it's you own? It probably is different but the problem with that is that you'll never know unless you have a baby, by which time it's too late if you decide it's not what you want! Anyway one relieved CFBC dude here!

[Deleted User]

Wow, I'm amazed there are others out there!! Why is it that people make you feel wierd cause you dont want kids?! I had to visit my GP this week, and he tried to tell me that I'm depressed and in denial that I don't want kids!! No - I like my house to stay clean, tidy and vomit free - nowt wrong in that!!!:rotfl:

BubblyMumbles

becksterb wrote: »

Wow, I'm amazed there are others out there!! Why is it that people make you feel wierd cause you dont want kids?! I had to visit my GP this week, and he tried to tell me that I'm depressed and in denial that I don't want kids!! No - I like my house to stay clean, tidy and vomit free - nowt wrong in that!!!:rotfl:

Wow, that's bad news when your GP starts that kind of stuff! :eek:

ThinkingOfLinking

My GP said I had mental issues when I asked for a hysterectomy; I have really bad womens' problems and told her I didn't want kids so it's now written on my record I have "identity issues" because of this. Stupid woman. Why bring a child into the world when there are already so many unwanted kids being born on a daily basis? Although I am not 100% sure I will never want one, as I am 24 but have never been the maternal type.