Anyone Child Free By Choice?

wannabecarrie

Hey Venus, I know it's so sad isn't it. I've been best friends with 3 friends for more than 20 years but lately it's like I don't even know one of them anymore. What always amazes me is the absolute lack of interest in anything going on in your life, or how you're doing. I feel it's me making the effort with visiting or phoning all the time, and whilst I appreciate having kids can be tough what does it take to send a text once in a while??

ninky_2

yeah we're having a touch of the 'all our friends are having kids'. this is not completely the case with my friends as a lot of them are gay (but even some of them are having / have had kids!). this easter weekend am seeing my sister (and her kids) and my OH's group of friends (2 sets of twins and another baby all under 2....arghhh!) so have decided at least one day has to be set aside for doing something that doesn't involve cooing over other people's wee ones. part of the weekend involves travelling up north which is a five hour drive. at least we can have nice music on in the car, stop start the journey when we want (not for nappy changes) and not have to put up with crying or screaming. in my limited experience car journey's with young kids are a nightmare whereas without it can become more of a roadtrip / adventure with a chance to be spontaneous.

becky_rtw

I've been having big issues with my sister on this topic - her whole life now revolves around my nephew (which is fine totally her choice)...but last week we had a sort of family holiday and she threw a huge paddy one night and said that me and OH werent paying him enough attention or offering to babysit!

Worst of all - she didnt come and say this to me, she did it at my mum when we were in the other corner of the room (so not like we werent going to hear the whole carry on)...I just found it hilarious tbh.

Clearly us having the freedom to do what we want to do irked her a bit, but I do not foist my responsibilities onto others so I dont see why those with children should try to.

Hermia

wannabecarrie wrote: »

To Bubbly, just wanted you to know that you are definately not alone in feeling isolated and the only one out there. I am 36 and almost all of my friends are settled down with kids and they don't have time for friendships anymore. I've tried to get a social group together for women in their thirties who don't want kids but my ad got a very disappointing response.

I know what you mean. I have found that you can suddenly find yourself abandoned in your 30s. One (ex) friend even sent an email round to all her childless friends saying she was now only going to mix with other mums - charming!

One thing worth trying is aiming for a slightly older age group. I have friends in their 40s who have kids, but have got to the stage where they are more than happy to have the opportunity to spend some time with people who don't want to talk about kids. Also try for social groups that are mixed or based around child-unfriendy topics!

galvanizersbaby

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

I'm Scottish and curently live in a tiny wee village in the Highlands, although I'm from Glasgow!

I travel all over the place and love it but I'd only live in Scotland (well, maybe New York if I won the lottery!)

Where does you sis live?

Didn't realise you were a Scot
She lives in a small village called Moffat which is in Dumfries - the only thing I can think of that is famous for is The Moffat Toffee shop which sells yummy fudge and obviously toffee and tablet

galvanizersbaby

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

No worries, I had kind of gathered you weren't CFBC!

Wow your trip to the wedding sounds like fun, and OMG I am so jealous that you'll soon by in NYC!!! You will love it!! I've never spoken to anyone that's been there and didn't! How long have you got there? Let me know if I can point you in the direction of anything - shopping, shows, shopping etc.

:rotfl:lol! - just realised my user name kind of gives the game away somewhat!

Think I'll probably only fit in one weekend in NY (hopefully I can get a Friday off work) but may take you up on the direction of shopping (noticed you mentioned that twice!!!:D) - definately has to be done (money saving and all that of course)

BubblyMumbles

wannabecarrie wrote: »

Hey Venus, I know it's so sad isn't it. I've been best friends with 3 friends for more than 20 years but lately it's like I don't even know one of them anymore. What always amazes me is the absolute lack of interest in anything going on in your life, or how you're doing. I feel it's me making the effort with visiting or phoning all the time, and whilst I appreciate having kids can be tough what does it take to send a text once in a while??

I totally know what you mean. I've just pretty much stopped making the effort now. I do birthday and christmas gifts and ocassionally will see their kids, but very ocassionally, like once or twice a year, but that's it. I've now decided that friends like this aren't really true friends. It's got to be a two way thing or it doesn't work.

wannabecarrie wrote: »

Sometimes I feel very alone in my decision but it's clear from this forum there are many others who feel the same. Does anybody know of any UK sites or UK groups that childfree people can join? Everything I've researched so far seems to be in America. Thanks for bringing the topic up!

I'd be up for joinging something as well if anyone knows of any forums? Or maybe we should set one up, anybody know how to do that kind of thing?

And you're welcome!

venus1978 wrote: »

I know how you feel my two bestfriends have had kids and I never see them now it's all baby baby baby and now only spend time with others who have kids.

I'm dreading my other friends wedding this year as they've said they are gonna have kids asap so I imagine it'll go the same way. Although I am happy for them as it's what they want it's just a case of feeling sorry for myself over very close friendships that have gone by the wayside.

I hear you, I really do. It sucks.

But hey, at least we now we're not the only ones, theres quite a few of us on here!

How do you do a forum? We need one!!

BubblyMumbles

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

Didn't realise you were a Scot
She lives in a small village called Moffat which is in Dumfries - the only thing I can think of that is famous for is The Moffat Toffee shop which sells yummy fudge and obviously toffee and tablet

I know Moffat, it's like the big city compared to where I live!

galvanizersbaby wrote: »

:rotfl:lol! - just realised my user name kind of gives the game away somewhat!

Think I'll probably only fit in one weekend in NY (hopefully I can get a Friday off work) but may take you up on the direction of shopping (noticed you mentioned that twice!!!:D) - definately has to be done (money saving and all that of course)

Shopping in NY, it's the best!

Definitely go to Century 21, it's just across from Ground Zero. It's a fantastic shop, you'll get some great bargains there. And you have to go to Macy's, it's just down from Times Square on the right hand side, and there's a shop across from it, Daffy's, it's worth a look as well.

Head up to Columbus (heading up from Times Square) and there's a great shopping centre there and kind of east of there is Bloomingdales - get a bag at least!

Have a wander in Soho, Chinatown and Little Italy and if you can fit it in, have dinner in Little Italy and Chinatown, or lunch in Chinatown is great too, but definitely have some Italian food, it's wonderful. I haven't found a bad restaurant there yet!

Don't waste your time with Planet Hoolywood in Times Square, it's rubbish, over priced, mediocre food, which you'll have to queue up to get in to exeprience, definitely not worth it.

Do a visit up to the top of the Empire State building at night, the view is spectacular.

OMG, I want to go back NOW!!!:D

alyth

you can set up a group using Yahoo Groups, there used to be a group called Kidding Aside but it seems to have died a death - I must check their website, it was run by a guy and I do remember seeing him feature in the press a few times.

The group I belong to isn't owned by me and I don't want to put the details of it into an open forum. I will check with the owner and if it is okay if anyone wants to pm me I will pass the information on to them.

Becky I have the same issue with my brother, who has found posts I have made on this site regarding children, so I will say nothing other than it was they are his children not mine :-)

Another way to start a group is via facebook - I belong to a couple of child-free facebook sites, I can't actually remember if they are American or not.

I do feel however that you have to stand by your child-free status quite strongly. I don't really mention it, as I'm 40 soon I'm sure most people feel sorry for me in not having kids, and being 40 and single is even worse!! Who will look after me in my old age is always a good argument!

BubblyMumbles

alyth wrote: »

you can set up a group using Yahoo Groups, there used to be a group called Kidding Aside but it seems to have died a death - I must check their website, it was run by a guy and I do remember seeing him feature in the press a few times.

The group I belong to isn't owned by me and I don't want to put the details of it into an open forum. I will check with the owner and if it is okay if anyone wants to pm me I will pass the information on to them.

Becky I have the same issue with my brother, who has found posts I have made on this site regarding children, so I will say nothing other than it was they are his children not mine :-)

Another way to start a group is via facebook - I belong to a couple of child-free facebook sites, I can't actually remember if they are American or not.

I do feel however that you have to stand by your child-free status quite strongly. I don't really mention it, as I'm 40 soon I'm sure most people feel sorry for me in not having kids, and being 40 and single is even worse!! Who will look after me in my old age is always a good argument!

Thanks for this info.

And being over 40 is even worse, I can promise you!