Anyone Child Free By Choice?

BubblyMumbles

Person_one wrote: »

I do actually agree that the government has more of a responsibility towards children than adults. You can't help the family or the situation you're born into but it benefits everyone for children to grow into decent productive law abiding adults so the government spends on things like education, children's health, keeping children out of poverty etc. to help make that happen. You have to think long term a bit, they aren't children for ever!

As far as your first point, I'm sorry you've had such hostility towards your choices. I've mainly experienced patronising and dismissive comments of the 'you'll change your mind' 'wait till you meet the right man' variety and its much easier to just roll my eyes and move on. If the people making the comments are people you have to see a lot or people whose opinion you care about have you tried calmly explaining why you are upset by their comments and why they are wrong?

Most people are fairly rational, but sometimes we/they can feel as though making a different choice to theirs is the same as attacking them personally.

I have been calmling explaining my point of view for almost 30 years - makes no bloody difference!

When you're surrounded be it by family, friends, work colleagues, neighbours, that all think there's something bizarrley strange about the fact you don't have kids, then it becomes increasinly hard not to get narky about it!

I'm glad your experiences have been marginally better than mine!

As far as government policies go, I agree, as you say, that it does benefit everyone if kids grow up to be decent, healthy, educated adults, that's fine.

What I strongly object to is that I am in effect financially penalised for not having kids. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be more responsibility for kids in terms of policy decisions, but what I am saying is that the current system is inherently unfair and has negative reprecussions if you don't have kids.

For example, as a CFBC woman, I would expect to be treated the same way as a woman who has kids in the workplace. So why do they get x amount of paid time off on maternity leave because they're pregnant and I don't get anything because I'm not?

Wouldn't it be fairer to have some kind of system that said, 'okay, you're having a kid, you need x amount of paid time off to do that, and you, you're having a round the world trip or are getting a puppy or want to do some more studying or anything that doesn't involve being pregnant, and you need x amount of paid time off to do that'.

Or taking a step further, as has already been mentioned there are some people out there who do get pregnant in order to get the house, benefits etc., what if I said, well I'm going to get a puppy, it'll need looking after and I'll need somewhere to stay to do that and I won't be able to work because they'd demand my full attention - Sorry for using the pet reference again, but it's just an example - what help would I get? None.

But as a CFBC woman who doesn't get time off work, I'm expected to go in, do a days work and pay my taxes and NI to fund other people's choices while my choices are not only ignored but not respected or accepted.

That to me in unfair. I don't want extras, I just want equality.

BubblyMumbles

euronorris wrote: »

No one is ever fully respected for anything!

And by being so scathing, your disrespecting those parents who DO show you respect.

I'm sorry, but I think that this attitude only perpetuates the problem. After all, being so scathing will only get parents backs up so that they won't want to listen to your point of view.

While you're obviously entitled to your opinion, I have no problem in getting parent's backs up since they generally get my back up.

If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me!

[Deleted User]

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

What I strongly object to is that I am in effect financially penalised for not having kids. I'm not saying that there shouldn't be more responsibility for kids in terms of policy decisions, but what I am saying is that the current system is inherently unfair and has negative reprecussions if you don't have kids.

I agree with this also. Employers bend over backwards for people with kids. What with days off if the little ones are ill or off school due to the weather. Those of us without kids do not get the same flexibility with are own problems at home. Also I would like some tax breaks for those of us without kids, but that will never happen.

geekgirl

I think it is a good thing that people don't have children if that is what they want. I do know a few people that have bowed to family and social pressure and had children in the end.
I always knew I wanted kids and had them pretty young but I am one of those that loves my own children but can't stand other peoples, can't be bothered with them, I understand why their parents think they are great but I don't.
I made the best choice for me and I totally understand and respect why others would make the choice of not having children, all power to you.

angelicmary85

Zazen999 wrote: »

If only S_S could tell us by herself. She's explained that she had a revelation, but not why she thought her own friends were odd and strange. Just seems a bit bizarre to have such strong feelings for so long and not be able to express them.

I think she may have had difficulty saying what she meant.

k_bagpuss

I am child free by choice. I don't dislike kids, infact my fiance has 2 girls who are with us two days a week, but I have never had any desire to have any myself. Everyone said I'd change my mind once I hit 30 (almost 10 years ago now - and I still haven't!) and I'd change my mind when my sis had them (I didn't for either one). I can honestly say I have never ever ever felt broody.

auoq86

BubblyMumbles wrote: »

But as a CFBC woman who doesn't get time off work, I'm expected to go in, do a days work and pay my taxes and NI to fund other people's choices while my choices are not only ignored but not respected or accepted.

That to me in unfair. I don't want extras, I just want equality.

What I find particularly frustrating is working parents (both male and female) who seem to find it perfectly acceptable to be late for work/need to finish work early/take day off because of issues with little Jimmy's childcare/little Jimmy being sick today.
Or if someone is required to come in work early/work late, invariably it is the child free that seem to be expected to be available.

But I don't have that excuse (or it seems any other valid excuse) as I don't have a little Jimmy of my own...and saying 'I'd just like to finish early' doesn't wash.

I also get really annoyed when priotiy is given to parents to take annual leave during school holiday periods (Summer and Xmas) - as if being CF means that you don't want to take off Xmas or any time during the Summer months. :mad:

Quite agree BubblyMumbles, 'I don't want extras, I just want equality'.

Some of these 'issues' I have contributed to the reason that I now work for myself.

sp1987

There are countless reasons not to have children, just the same as there are countless reasons to do so. It really depends which reason you are following.

I never wanted children and could have seen myself quite easily not having had any. I had an unplanned pregnancy and now wouldn't be without him. Had I not fallen pregnant on the pill I am unsure if I would have ever had one, I never held one before him and I still absolutely detest other people's children. He will just have to come along to everything we were going to do as a couple on our own, with reasonable adjustments for small people.

As for all the cliche ''you won't feel the same as you do when you hold them'' or ''you'll change your mind'' some people won't ever get that as the thought of reproduction makes them cringe. I actually think people should be applauded for making the right choice for them. It's just a shame everyone doesn't get one paid ''maternity leave'' in life though, whether they use it to be pregnant, travel the world or sit on their !!!!.

Morgan_Ree

auoq86 wrote: »

What I find particularly frustrating is working parents (both male and female) who seem to find it perfectly acceptable to be late for work/need to finish work early/take day off because of issues with little Jimmy's childcare/little Jimmy being sick today.
Or if someone is required to come in work early/work late, invariably it is the child free that seem to be expected to be available.

But I don't have that excuse (or it seems any other valid excuse) as I don't have a little Jimmy of my own...and saying 'I'd just like to finish early' doesn't wash.

I also get really annoyed when priotiy is given to parents to take annual leave during school holiday periods (Summer and Xmas) - as if being CF means that you don't want to take off Xmas or any time during the Summer months. :mad:

Quite agree BubblyMumbles, 'I don't want extras, I just want equality'.

Some of these 'issues' I have contributed to the reason that I now work for myself.

I think you'll find 'most' working parents do not find it acceptable to come in late or leave early because there is a problem with 'little jimmy' (real patronising by the way)
Do you honestly think employers care if we have kids or not?
Are you really naive enough to think parents have it easy in the workplace?

Person_one

drinkupretty wrote: »

I agree with this also. Employers bend over backwards for people with kids. What with days off if the little ones are ill or off school due to the weather. Those of us without kids do not get the same flexibility with are own problems at home. Also I would like some tax breaks for those of us without kids, but that will never happen.

Actually, being childfree is great for your career.

Have a look at this, particularly points 2, 6, and 18.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/feb/08/motherhood-children-babies2

The damage that motherhood (not fatherhood though because this doesn't seem to affect men, where's the equality there?) does to your career is a big reason why I wouldn't want them. No amount of late mornings or early finishes would make up for that for me.

I have no problem with maternity leave, in fact I wish it were longer and applied to both parents like in Scandinavia, that would at least end the discrimination against all women of childbearing age because me would be just as likely to take the leave as women. If I break my leg or need major surgery or get some long drawn out illness I would get time off, you could say that's not fair on the healthy people. But hey, life is sadly not fair!